4
University Daily Kansan / Tuesday, January 28,1992
OPINION
TV commercials create need for useless items
I never realized how many horrible problems I have.
The other night I sat down and turned on the television to watch "Star Trek: The Next Generation." (I never miss it.)
In between the thrilling plot and special effects I found twentieth-century humans poking their heads through the screen and into my apartment, sowling. They acted like I was a being from outer-space.
A comely teenager stared boggleyed at my chin, exclaiming, "Who! Check out that mongo on your chin! What you need is 'Pimple Pounder Plus!" He showed his friends inside the television, all of whom used the product. They laughed and played, happily and lustfully enjoying all the richness of life, and all because of Pimple Pounder!
The teen and his friends disappeared, and a very serious-looking tennis player gazed thoughtfully at his opponent. Preparing to serve, he tossed the ball into the air. I couldn't help myself. I freed this tremendous sneeze, just as he was about to hit the ball, causing his racquet to slice air.
The crowd cried, "Oh!" and glared at me reproachfully. Some "Sinus Saver" police hustled through the commotion and tried to carry me off, but I turned the channel.
I stood up and headed for the kitchen to get something to munch on, hearing laughs. I turned around, looked at the television and saw a gathering of office people pointing at my pan leg. It was folded on top of itself and clinging
David
Carusoll
Staff
columnist
to my shin. Oh no! I thought. I forgot to use "Static Shoo" in the dryer. How embarrassing! My life might not ever be the same.
Then the gigging group looked at my hair, and their lips curled in disgust. "Look at the gray!" they shouted. Gray? I'm only 20 years old! They proceed to pick up bottles of "Gray Away" from off-screen and crazily squirt their hair. "In only five minutes our hair will look perfect!" they tainted.
But they weren't finished yet. The people parted to reveal several balding men, pitifully chained by their necks to a pale, stone wall, their faces full of anguish.
"You want to lose your hair and be sexless and rejected like them?" the office people said to me. "Better sign-up for the 'Wolfman-Wanna-Be' program, then!"
"I'm getting kind of a headache from all this." I complained.
An aged man with a long beard and a stethoscope around his neck jumped into the middle of the television screen, apparently horrified.
"Discomforted? No! Not that! Here, Dave, take this! Hurry!" He stuck his hand into my apartment and handed
me a small, yellow pill. Wow, I thought. A pill to cure me. I wonder if they hand these out to children when they're hungry? Or teenagers when they become pregnant? Or people when they contract HIV? Or husbands when they beat their wives? Will the pill cure ignorance or stop wars? How about ozone depletion? The wheels of my mind were turning.
I turned off the television and walked into my bedroom. Fell ontomy bed, pondering What's wrong with me? Am I really so bad? Sure, I have my problems, but perhaps static cling or a siton my chin doesn't really count. I began to realize that everyone has these problems, yet everyone considered "acceptable" tries to cover them up, in essence hiding their own humanity.
Why do they do this? It must have been the result of a conspiracy of some sort, I knew. The conspirators were greedy inventors who created useless products and couldn't sell them.
but they had found television, and it saved them; more, it made them great. Everyone watches it! The inventors used television to make us think we needed their products, to make us insecure about ourselves. I thought about all the people I know and the people I see every day on campus and knew the conspirators were succeeding.
David Caruso II is a Lake Waltana Sophomore majoring in English and Psychology.
THE UNIVERSITYDAILY KANSAN
Art spawns inquisitiveness
JFK and Public Enemy prompt not only controversial debate but also refreshing curiosity
There's nothing healthier for a democracy than a good polemical creation, and this winter we have two. Public Enemy's music video, "By the Time I Get to Arizona," and Oliver Stone's film, JFK, incense some, inspire others, and engage most in vigorous debate. (They're also lucrative.)
"By the Time I Get to Arizona" is violent and confrontational. It's no 'Hands Across America.' The governor of Arizona, played by an actor who resembles David Duke, dies when a bomb underneath his car detonates. (In reality, Arizona's governor is infavor of a holiday in memory of Martin Luther King Jr.)
"Is that what King would have wanted?" is the question most often asked in regard to the violence in the video. Another question raised is whether or not it is justifiable to use violence as a means to an end. If we answer "no" to both questions, Chuck D of Public Enemy would like a word with us. In an interview on MTV, he reminded the host that the most violent act of all — war — started on the
anniversary of King's birthday last year. Nobody is sure how many thousands of people died during the war. The question remains: Is that what King would have wanted?
Thanks to the video, diverse opinions are being voiced. Public Enemy's goal was to create a dialogue, and they have done that. Now, it's up to the individual to decide what seems right. If Public Enemy's stance seems outrageous, there's always another.
Oliver Stone works the same way. No one watching JFK really believes that every detail is true, that every allusion is well-founded. At least, no one should. Stone's film instead invites us to find the truth ourselves.
It's working. From elementary schools to Congress, people are re-examining the evidence. Of the 36 English-language books on file Thursday in Watson Library covering the Kennedy assassination, 24 were checked out.
JFK or the Warren Report? Public Enemy or David Duke-types? Which is true? Which is right? As artists have throughout history, Public Enemy and Stone challenge our beliefs and elicit self-discovery. We can dismiss their creations as farcical, but we still must deal with them.
Martin Scherstuhl for the editorial board
Japan bashing needs to stop
The second largest importer of U. S. goods shouldn't be blamed for our economic woes
The United States has declared open season on the Japanese. When a Japanese legislator said last week that U.S. workers were lazy and illiterate, the U.S. public responded with the maturity of kindergartners.
Using an "I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I" mentality, Americans flooded airwaves with their favorite anti-Japanese jokes.
Politicians seized the day and quickly drummed up the "Buy American" cry. Two U.S. cities canceled contracts with Japanese companies.
The recent wave of irrationality signals that the United States is not quite ready to deal with its problems, but instead prefers to place the blame on the Japanese.
It is not the first time the Japanese have lashed out at Americans. But this time, the Japanese seem to have rubbed a raw nerve and left U.S. citizens pouting.
People forget that the Japanese are not the source of the current wave of economic hardships in the United States. People forget that Japan imports $40 billion worth of U.S. goods each year, making Japan the second-largest importer of U.S. products.
Granted, no one takes kindly to name calling. But the United States has the ability to do better — to make better products, to keep more industry at home and to boost its competition level.
An editorial in Thursday's Wall Street Journal stated, "It's about time the trade warriors on both sides of the Pacific shut up long enough for the silent, hard-working majorities of both the U.S. and Japan to remind them — just by getting on with business — that Pearl Harbor II this is not."
Instead of bashing, Americans should build. Instead of countering the Japanese with quick-fix, feel-good, short-term fixes, Americans should look to themselves for what they can change.
Instead of resorting to racist tactics, Americans should respond by pressuring U.S. industry and U.S. leaders to improve the situation the Japanese are criticizing.
Tiffany Harness for the editorial board
Arab News, Jiddah, Saudi Arabia,
on Mideast peace:
The time has come to start worrying about the ongoing Middle East peace negotiations. When the talks began in November, it was assumed that the face-to-face encounters between the Israelis and the Arabs, a feat unprecedented, in itself would be enough to see the talks through even in the most rocky of times. There was also the steading hand of the United States to rely upon in helping steer the negotiations clear of obstacles. But as the talks move on to Moscow later this month, momentum is being lost and high hopes for a quick settlement to the dispute are being tempered.
Compounding that problem is the $10 billion loan guarantee that Israel is seeking from the United States to build more settlements for incoming Soviet Jews.
International perspectives
After bibernating for 120 days — the postponement period President Bush gave in September so as not to undermine the peace conference in Madrid, Spain — the issue has resurfaced, this time at a more crucial juncture where U.S. politics are concerned.
The all-important Jewish vote must be at the back of Bush's mind as he hits a bumpy campaign trail. If Bush caves in and agrees to the loan, it will mean more Jewish immigrants illegally settling on more Arab land. And that would make it increasingly hard to justify why peace talks to get that very land back are in progress at all.
Le Monde, Paris, on recognizing Croatia and Slovenia:
republics of Yugoslavia which have requested this. After months of precautionary heitation, with the pretext of maintaining unity, the result is not glorious for Europe.
The act of recognition alone cannot solve the Yugoslav conflict, and if today there is any hope of re-establishing peace, it's in sending U. N peacekeeping forces.
The European Community is finally deciding whether or not to recognize the
The European Community's recognition of Croatia and Slovenia is a risky, uncertain but probably necessary exercise in realpolitik presented as an exercise in new ethical statesmanship. A departure from the established policy of recognizing states that are factually in control of a territory, this decision is justified instead in terms of five criteria or
The Irish Times, Dublin, Ireland, on recognizing Croatia and Slovenia:
preconditions agreed by the Community on Dec. 15, which are intended to apply to other cases as they arise. The recognitions announced yesterday do not set particularly good precedents for future considerations of applications from a host of states thrown up by the collapse of the Soviet Union.
Gulf News, Dubai, United Arab Emirates, on the former Soviet armed forces;
The former Soviet armed forces have acquired a new stature in the eyes of the world by refusing to be drawn into the political conflicts that have surfaced in the new-born Commonwealth of Independent States.
Any move to reduce the army ranks will cause a lot of unrest at this time of economic crisis and growing unemployment
The army's demand that only non-strategic forces should be handed over to republics will also create problems. It is understood that Russia and the Ukraine do not agree on what is "strategic" and what is "non-strategic." The Ukraine says only nuclear forces are "strategic," but Russia uses the concepts to include several army, naval and air divisions.
These problems notwithstanding, the army is emerging as a unifying and consolidating element in the C.I.S., which could do very well with such help. There is little to fault in the arguments and the objectives urged by the army officers so the West should waste no time in endorsing and supporting this development, which is in the best interests of the C.I.S. and also the international community.
KANSAN STAFF
TIFFANY HARNESS Editor
in the C.I.S.
VANESSA FUHRMANS Managing editor
Editors
Editors
News ... Mike Andrews
Editorial ... Beth Randolph
Planning ... Lara Gold
Campus ... Eric Gorski/Rockville Ohio
Education ... Eric Wilson
Photo ... Julie Jacobson
Features ... Debbie Meyers
Graphics ... Jeff Meesey/Aimee Brainard
TOM EBLEN General manager,newsadviser
JENNIFER CLAXTON Business manager
JAY STEINER Retail sales manager
JEANNE HINES Sales and marketing adviser
ADMINISTRATION
Campus sales mgr ... Bill Leibengo
Regional sales mgrs ... Rich hlarbarger
National sales mgr ... Scott Hanna
Co-op sales mgr ... Arlene Johnson
Production mgrs ... Kim Wallace
Marketing direc tor ... Lia Keeler
Marketing direc tor ... Lia Keeler
Creative director ... Leanne Bryant
Classified mgr ... Kip Chin
Business Staff
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Chapter 2
Loco Locals
SO YOU'RE RUNNIN' FOR PRESIDENT.
COME UP WITH A FRESH,
BOLD, NEW POLICY... Capture
the PRESS with IDEOLOGICAL
PROGRADEMENT WHICH SHOOTS
"AMERICA..." ORAY CAST.
"I'M NOT DANQUALE."
MvuudDc952
AS THE EDUCATION
PRESIDENT. THERE SHOULD
BE NINE MONTHS OF SCHOOL
THE BOYS WILL THEN, DURING
THE SUMMER, TAKE THREE
MONTHS TO HELP TILL THE
FIELDS...
by Tom Michaud
I SEE A BRIGHT FUTURE WHERE AMANIEST DESTINY WHERE THE SOUTHWEST SLAVEN- AND WHAT THE MOUNTAINS AND DESERTS ARE NO LONGER THE IMPASSIBLE BARRIERS TO THE
AND THEN...AND THEN...WHAT?
'THE MOON!' BUT A
FOREIGN POLICY IS ALSO
BURNED. THE DOORS TO CHINA
will open. Connects.
THIS IS SOORY...
IT SEEMS I HEARD
THIS BEFORE...
BOLD AND
PROXOCATIVE...
I (del) THE NETWORKS