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Beer,glorious beer
St. Patrick's Day honors drinking
story by chris horton ● chortion@kansan.com
DRINK UP
When and where to drink on St. Patrick's Day.
■ Johnny's Tavern,
401 N. Second St.
Opens at 9 a.m.
Red Lyon Tavern,
944 Massachusetts
St.: Opens at 11
a.m. Serving Irish
stew for $1 per
bowl. Irish whiskey
for $1.50 per shot.
Guinness on tap.
Live Celtic music
and authentic green
beer.
Free State Brewing Co., 636 Massachusetts St. Opens at 11 a.m. Brewing Grace O'Malley's Irish Ale
- Louise's Bar Downtown, 1009 Massachusetts St. Opens at noon. $2.50 schooners of Irish Ale. $2 shots of Irish whisky.
Irish whiskey.
Fatso's, 1016
Massachusetts St.:
Opens at 10 a.m.
$1 draws of green
beer and $1 shots
of green stuff. $2
pints of Guinness,
Harp, Boulevard
Irish and Killian's
Red.
The Yacht Club,
530 Wisconsin St.:
Opens at 10:30
a.m. $2.50 15oz.
Guinness cans and a
deeijay.
ith St. Patrick's Day just a day away, questions are certain to arise about the means one should take to insure full immersion into the hiberian culture.
To help readers who may be unsure about the proper protocol for this event, I've compiled a list of frequently asked questions along with answers that may help the uninitiated enjoy the full St. Patrick's Day experience.
Q: What am I supposed to do on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Drink. Drink a lot. Beer is preferable, but Irish Whiskey also will do.
Q: How much beer should I drink?
A: That's a tough one. Many people will use catch phrases like "liver damage," "alcohol poisoning" and "fire and bristmite" to try and preach the virtues of moderation, but chances are they're drunk themselves. Regarding liver damage, most people can enjoy a full life with only two or three of their original four lobes healthy.
A tip I have found useful is a special mathematical formula a "doctor" once shared with me at a bar. It involves taking your weight and dividing it by 10, then drinking that many beers. For legal reasons, I don't advise taking this seriously. The guy had a stethoscope and some pills, but something tells me he wasn't a doctor.
Q: What about green beer?
A: I've talked to managers and bartenders at several area drinking establishments As far as I know, the Red Lyon Tavern, 944 Massachusetts St., is the only bar serving green beer tomorrow. However, the tap water in Lawrence will be green for St. Patrick's Day. The leprechauns in charge of bleaching the water supply will be given the day off, enabling everyone in the city to enjoy the water's natural color.
Q. Is there going to be a parade this year? Where will it be?
Be? I need to dress up for it?
A: Slow down. There will be a parade in Lawrence this year, it will begin at 12th and Massachusetts streets and finish at the Flamingo Club, 501 N. Ninth St. Bring the kids.
One thing to keep in mind: the parade will not actually enter the bars. One might have to go outside to see it. City ordinances prohibit drinking in public, so debauchers may want to get a window seat at whichever location they choose to responsibly enjoy their beers.
There is no strict dress code for St. Patrick's Day other than the visible display of the color green in one's ensemble. Opting to not wear green may result in a pinch on the arse, which is precisely the reason I never wear green.
Q: What if I don't drink?
A: There's always church.
Q: What if I live far from the bar I want to go to? Should I drive?
A: NO! Aside from being highly illegal, driving drunk is one of the most socially irresponsible things you can do. I generally hitchhike to and from bars. It's a great way to meet people. Just make sure that the friendly person giving the ride isn't as inebriated as you are, and keep your bloodshot eyes open enough to make sure they're taking you to your home.
Q: Why do you feel such a strong need to drink? Are you that unhappy? Is it really necessary to keep a reserve six-pack in the tank of your toilet?
A: It's funny that you should ask that because I was just about to touch upon the origin of St. Patrick's Day. In Ireland, where St. Patrick did his best work, the holiday is more of a religious celebration than anything else. It wasn't until corporate executives met with ad agents in Boston in 1737 that the American version was created with the first St. Paddy's parade. You see, the suits realized that if they took the emphasis off of the holiday's
religious significance and instead highlighted leprechauns and four leaf clovers and green beer, it would help Lucky Charms sales, whose original mascot was a very unpopular three-toed sloth.
More recently, St. Patrick's Day has been embraced by the brewing community to promote heavy drinking in March; a month with no other legitimate reasons to to get hammered other than the vernal equinox.
G: What beers would be appropriate for drinking on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Only authentic Irish beers will suffice. The key to finding authentic Irish beers is by looking for an authentic Irish name. Some examples are Guinness, O'Doul's and Schiltz. Guinness is brewed in Dublin and is a perennial favorite with University students like Patrick Scaly, Irish-American and Lawrence sophomore.
"If I go to a bar, I want to go to a place with Guinness on tan." Seally said.
Although it's not from Ireland, Free State Brewing Co.,
636 Massachusetts St., will be brewing a Grace O'Malley's Irish Ale, which owner Chuck Magerl said was named after a female Irish pirate. Knowing Free State beer, Grace should be some pretty good booty.
G: What time should I go downtown if I would like to see the parade?
A: The parade starts at 1 p.m., so most bars will be opening at 11 a.m. to accommodate the pre-parade festivities.
G: Will there be many people out on tomorrow? — it is a school/ work day.
A: Most people will ditch school or work on St. Patrick's Day, said Scaly, "It's nothing but an excuse for people to drop what they're doing and go out to drink and have a parade."
For those who feel obligated to be good students or employees, there's always the evening, he said.
"Everyone's ridiculously drunk downtown on St. Patrick's Day, no matter what night of the week it falls on." Scally said.
Chris fulfills the dream had by many a University of Kansas student—swimming in beer. After his soak in the brew, he banged out answers to questions asked by the voices in his head. Part leprechaun, Chris is an authority when it comes to St. Patrick's Day history and tradition, as well as goings on in Lawrence tomorrow. Photo illustration by Carrie Waters/KANSAN
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