UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
Tuesday, May 3,1994
3B
Shocking search leads to reunion
By Kevin Hoffmann
Alice Burg had no idea what she would find when she began searching for her birth mother.
After years of searching, what she found was shocking.
Brian Vandervliet/KANSAN
Alice Burg, who was adopted as a child, looks at a photo of her biological mother. She contacted her mom for the first time three weeks ago and will meet her in person on Mother's Day.
in 1911 decided to send off for my original birth certificate," said Burg, a secretary in the social welfare department. "I found out that my father was 41 and my mother was 16 and that, evidently, I was the result of an incestuous relationship."
The fact that I had been sober for a year, felt good about myself, and knew that I was an intelligent person helped in accepting that situation as it was," she said.
Burg understands adoption from both sides. She gave a daughter of her own up for adoption. She knows the pain of giving up a child.
She also knows the curiosity about biological parents.
"I just wanted to know what she was like," Burg said of her own biological mother. "I was also curious about any health problems she might have had."
Like most adopted children, Burg also had a message she wanted to send to her biological mother. "I wanted to let her know that something good came out of the adoption and out of what must have been a difficult situation," she said. "I wanted to let her know that I turned out OK."
As Burg found more and more information about her biological mother, she was uncertain what she would do with it. A social worker once asked her what she would do if she found her birth mother.
"I'm really not sure what I would do," she said. "It's not that it would be painful for me, but that it might be terribly painful for her."
When Burg did discover her biological mother was alive, she wondered about contacting her. It took a week for her to make up her mind.
"It was a nice day out, and I just decided to do if," she said.
Burg said contacting her mother turned out to be a pleasant experience.
"Iasked her if April 14, 1936 meant anything to her, and her voice broke and then she said 'I've been wondering about you.'" she said.
Burg asked about family members, and the two shared brief histories. They have scheduled a face-to-face meeting for Mother's Day.
While Burg's discovery of her mother left her happy, the curiosity she has about the daughter she gave up still troubles her.
"I was 19 when I gave up my daughter, and I am positive that my daughter was better off with an adoptive family rather than with me," she said. "I mean I had no education, I had no job to speak of, and I wasn't capable of giving her the care she
deserved. I really think I did the right thing."
But thinking that she did the right thing fails to erase thoughts of her daughter, Burg said.
"I think about my daughter all the time and wonder if she is all right and hope the best for her," she said.
Burg said giving her daughter up for adoption was the hardest thing she ever did. What made the situation worse for Burg was that the decision was taken out of her hands.
"Nobody asked back in those days how you felt," she said. "It was such a hush-hush thing that my parents never asked me how I felt. I really felt helpless, the craziness that I had to go through, I had to live with people I didn't know. I was wearing a wedding ring, and had to pletend I had husband and that he was in the Korean War.
"The thing that bothered me the most was that I didn't think I had a choice until after I had already signed my baby over for adoption and my mother came down and saw the baby and said "You know, we could keep her and raise her as your sister."
Though Burg knew that the baby would be adopted, she said a bond still developed between the two before her child was taken away.
"I remember the night before I left the hospital," she said. "I snuck back into the nursery area and there was a nurse there. I asked her if I could see my baby to make sure she had all her fingers and toes. She let me hold the baby that night and I told her goodbye. I'm really glad she did that."
Searching for a birth parent or child?
Interested in searching for birth parents or children?
Here's how you can obtain records of adoptions handled in the state of Kansas.
Kansas and Alaska are the only states that have open laws concerning adoption records.
Records can be obtained by writing to Debbie Alvey at the following address:
SRS Youth and Adult Services
West Hall Building
300 S.W. Oakley
Topeka, Kansas 66606
With the letter stating your wish to obtain adoption records, include your date of birth and your adoptive parent's name(s).
For birth parents interested in finding children, include birth name of the child and name of birth mother used at time of relinquishment. Also include proof of identification, such as a photocopy of a driver's license or birth certificate.
Source: SRS Youth and Adult Services
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