4 Friday, April 1, 1994 OPINION UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN VIEWPOINT Lawrence School Board needs to rethink bidding The Lawrence School Board should use caution in deciding whether to have a private custodial firm take over the janitorial duties in Lawrence public schools. Lawrence considered a bid by a Missouri firm to take over the custodial duties. The firm says that it will save the school district $100,000. Recent spending pressures from citizens make offers to contract services seem appealing. However, government organizations should be wary of these offers. Contracting services can present a number of problems for government agencies and the public. Contracts often can be misleading if they do not cover unforeseen contingencies. The school board may have a contract that will save it money, but it may not cover an emergency flooding of the bathrooms that previously was handled by personnel. A further complication of contracting public services is that it transfers accountability from the public sphere to the private sphere. When a contract is made, the school board must expend additional efforts to monitor the private firm. Local citizens who call to complain may find their calls unheeded because the private firm's job is to turn a profit rather than serve the public. The school board should use caution and consider alternative ways to decrease spending, such as managing its current system a little more efficiently. CHRISTOPHER LIVINGSTON FOR THE EDITORIAL BOARD House tries to silence sexuality in the schools Last week Rep. Mel Hancock of Missouri passed an amendment through the House of Representatives that would deny federal funds to schools that discuss homosexuality beyond mentioning it in health classes. The amendment is deplorable and should be voted down when it reaches the Senate. Hancock maintains that withholding federal funds from schools that want to educate students about homosexuality will not mean that the schools necessarily will be denouncing homosexuality. This will not be the case. Silence often speaks louder than words. If schools cannot educate their students about homosexuality for fear of losing much needed money, they are, in effect, denouncing it. If students cannot discuss questions they have about their sexuality with school counselors or teachers in an open and nonjudgmental manner, the schools will be failing to provide students what they may need to make significant life decisions. Failing to allow schools to deal with significant issues in today's society, such as those associated with homosexuality, will result in using federal funds to finance schools that are forced to promote bigotry. Schools provide education and counseling about a variety of issues facing teens that may be morally objectionable to some people. Schools educate teens about birth control, sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancy. By failing to answer questions or offer guidance about the problems teens may be having concerning sexuality, they discriminate against a segment of their student population. Instead of introducing amendments that penalize educators for trying to educate students, Congress should assist schools with the guts to face tough issues head on. Many schools could use funds to help educate their faculty about how to respond to the problems of homosexual teens. HEATHER KIRKWOOD FOR THE EDITORIAL BOARD Taxpayer money eaten up by mutant constipated worms Mutant constipated worms. It's a topic we all THINK about a lot, but what do we really KNOW about it? The answer, I am pleased to report, is: more every day, thanks to the efforts of a professor named Jim Thomas in the genetics department of the University of Washington in Seattle. Thomas has an entire laboratory devoted to studying irregularity in worms. He is the world's leading authority on this topic. I say this with no small amount of pride because he graduated from my alma mater, Haverford College (motto: "Small, But Weird") I learned of Thomas' work through one of his alert graduate students, Creg Darby, who sent me a lengthy scientific paper that Thomas had written. In an accompanying letter, Creg wrote: "Notice that Jim was not merely content to describe how worms poop. Oh no. We genetics are a twisted lot, because we LOVE mutants, so Jim went and zapped worms with nasty chemicals to make MUTANT WORMS THAT ARE CONSTIPATED. Really, it's all there in the paper. I know you can't understand most of it, so I have highlighted the word 'constipated.'" Creg added that, "JIM'S RESEARCH IS FUNDED BY THE U.S. GOVERNMENT HE IS SPENDING TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS OF TAX-PAYERS' MONEY TO MAKE CONSTIPATED WORMS!!!!!" COLUMNIST let me state that, as a taxpayer, I would much rather see my tax money spent on mutant constipated worms than on the Senate Judiciary Committee. Not that there is such a huge difference. DERMIS BULLOSA SIMPLEX- DOWLING-MEARA* Thomas' office is located in the university's Health Sciences Building, which is very scientific. I say this because of the bulletin boards. Back in the '60s, when I was in college, our bulletin boards were covered with announcements of social events such as dances, concerts and the violent overthrow of the U.S. government — whereas the first bulletin board I saw in the Health Sciences Building had this posted on it: "A KERATIN 14 MUTATIONAL HOT SPOT FOR EPI But as a journalist, I feel a responsibility to the public to check out stories that involve the use of your tax money for scientific projects in cities that have good microbrewery beer. So I went to Seattle. I wasn't sure that it was medically safe for a layperson to even LOOK at these words, so I scurried on up to Thomas's laboratory. It was cluttered with scientific items such as petri dishes, beakers, test tubes, deadly chemicals and graduate students eating lunch. I did not immediately see any worms; Professor Thomas explained that the ones he studied, called Caenorhabditis elegans, were only 1 millimeter long. A LOT of scientists study these worms. The scientists even have their own magazine and regularly gather at events such as the West Coast Worm Meeting. Thomas loves his worms. "We think they are the coolest organisms in the world," he told me. What makes these worms especially cool for constipation studies is (1) You can see right though them, and (2) They poop every 45 seconds. I know this because I saw them myself. First Thomas showed me a videotape of one of them in action. "OK, watch this," he said, while the worm contracted itself. "He's getting ready!" The worm made a sudden motion. "POOP!" said Thomas, thrusting his fist forward in a football-fan-like gesture of triumph. Next Thomas led me to a microscope, where I saw some live worm action. Basically what these worms do all the time is crawl around in dishes of food, eating, pooping and having sex. It is guy heaven. All they need are tiny TVs with remote controls. The male worms, by the way, are total sex fiends. They try to do it with everything they bump into, including other males. Sometimes they try to mate with their OWN HEADS (a graduate student told me that this was called "wanking"). I also looked at some mutant constituted worms, who were bloated. They reminded me of people in laxative commercials. CAUSICIST WORK! You don't lose so good today. Ed. Is it. i.imgruggle CUSTOMER WORM: You said it, Mr. Feemley! I haven't pooped in over 90 seconds! Iasked Thomas if there was any possibility that his research would ever have any practical benefits for humans. He couldn't think of any, but he allowed that it might be possible. That is good enough for me. I'm glad that we're financing this research. In fact, I would strongly support spending more money in this area, as well as any scientific endeavor that has the potential to benefit mankind. And here I am thinking of the microbreweries. Dave Barry is a syndicated columnist for the Miami Herald. LETTER TO THE EDITOR Victims of sex crimes worthy of more rights Sex offenders harm our entire society for lifetimes. It is only fair, then, that they should be reminded of their crime for a lifetime, as well. With a sort of Kantian Social Contract Theory, when people break the laws of the society in which they live, they forfeit their rights as members of that society. The article mentioned branding the infamous Scarlet Letter. Well, sex offenders are no Hester Prynnes, and it is the victims who have scars to live with for the rest of their lives. This editorial seemed to have forgotten about the victims' rights. For a victim of a sexual crime, is there a full retributive law? A victim of a sexual crime sometimes cannot forget. When the Legislature considers toughening laws against sex offenders, it finally is taking seriously what kind of criminals these people are — usually repetitive ones. Before the editorial board looks so earnestly to defend the rights of convicted sex offenders, try remembering the people who had no choice about the turn of events, the victims. I would suggest that whether or not the Sex Predator Act is the best way to punish sex offenders, we at least need to try to improve an already impotent system. Melody Petet Topekajunior Attacks on Christianity don't shake believers Despite the fundamental disagreement I have with Paul Merck regarding who Jesus is (he would use the past tense "was"). I found one of his statements in a recent Kansan article very interesting. You remember the article, "New book joins an old trend in questioning Jesus' divinity", in which he was quoted as saying, "The Jesus Institute...created Jesus as a middle-aged religion professor". The way I see it, the Jesus Institute, as confirmed by Professor Merck, has fallen into an old trap. It is very difficult to conform ourselves to the image of Jesus Christ. It is, on the other hand, very easy for us to push Jesus into our mold and thereby escape the responsibility for changing our lives. So-called intellectual attacks have befallen Christianity since its earliest days, yet there are still backward-thinking graduate students who not only believe that Jesus is divine but that he is also personal and loving and that he wants to have a relationship with each man and woman. Not a Christian brother or sister I know gives any more thought to the Jesus Institute or the religious studies department than minor irritations that feebly attempt to distract from the big picture. 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