UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
Friday, March 18, 1994
5
Selfish Academy needs a few new Oscar categories
On Monday, the Academy Awards, or the "Let's pat ourselves on the back" awards will be presented to those actors who lobbed heavily enough to catch the eyes of the Academy members. But these Oscars are simply awarded for acting and so have missed the point. To rectify this error, I present to you the new categories with my nominations for the Academy Awards. And I'm not limiting myself to just one year.
The "I'm sorry, I can't speak right now, I have to light a cigarette" award — "Reality Bites." This movie received 418,000 votes, which is also the number of people who died last year of tobacco-related diseases.
The "Taking a good book and rewriting the ending for a screenplay and therefore ruining the plot" award — "The Firm." When was the last time a film turned out better than the book on which it was based?
"The Glorifying a serial killer" award — John Malkovich in "In the Line of Fire," previously given to Anthony Hopkins for his Hammelib Lector performance. Look for the children's collector stores in stores now, some even autographed.
The "We've run out of ideas for films, so we are going to adapt television shows for the big screen, no matter how bad the idea seems" award — a tie between "Beverly Hillbillies" and "Car 54, Where Are You?" Not so much a question of where, but why? An honorable mention goes to "Super Mario Brothers," a film inspired by a video game. Look for a new award next year — movies based on the fuzzy picture that appears on the television screen when your cable is cut off.
"The Cutting out scenes from a movie because pressure groups think that movies, and not a complete lack of common sense, make football players lie in the middle of roads" award + "The Program." It's the American way to blame someone else for your own stupidity.
The "it's time to move on from the organized crime roles" award — Al Pacino in "Carlito's Way." Just when
he thinks he's out, they pull him back in.
The "Just because you can sing, it doesn't mean you can act" award — Janet Jackson in "Poetic Justice" and anything starring Madonna. Note to Hollywood: Please don't give singers any more acting roles. You're just encouraging them. Also, I had no idea that there was such a shortage of drama majors in this country.
The "More explosions than dialogue" award — "Demolition Man." We knew this going in.
The "If 'Wayne's World' made all that money, let's make another movie about SNL characters" award — "Coneheads." See also "Wayne's World 2." I can't wait for "Massive Head-Wound Harry Goes to Summer Camp."
The "Despite the fact that 'Hoosiers' was, and always will be, the best basketball movie ever made, we'll keep pumping them out" award — "Blue Chips. "Cant anyone say no to Shao?
The "Yet to be funny" award — Mel Brooks, whose latest effort, "Robin Hood: Men in Tights," guarantees him this award for life.
These list is by no means exhaustive but simply acknowledges those films that shone so brilliantly. The last category, the 'If' Schindler's List" doesn't take Best Picture then we are truly indifferent to the important events of life, wanting to be entertained rather than informed" award, will be given to the Academy members on March 21, if they choose to have it.
Changes in Lawrence concern students too
Jack Fisher is a London senior in Journalism.
Everybody knows that Lawrence is a special town. It's not just a smaller version of Austin or Madison, and it's certainly not a way station on the drive from Topeka to Kansas City. Lee's hope it isn't "Shawnee Mission Far West," for that matter. So what kind of place is this that we live in?
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Where else do you have such a wonderfully diverse mix of people without everyone living on top of each other? White, African-American, Native American, educated and uneducated, everyone shares the resources of this still-small town with remarkably little conflict.
Where else do you find so many entrepreneurs like the Glass Onion or Waiters on Wheels? Or cultural traditions like the Lawrence Arts Center, Liberty Hall, Harvest of Arts, and the Lawrence Community Theater? Sure, we have our skeletons in the closet, like the Gregg Sevier shooting, last year's antiSemitic vandalism, continued gaybashing incidents, and even a shamefully bad city newspaper, but generally this town has always offered the resources and sophistication of a big city with the access and attitude of a small town.
Where do the students fit into this equation? Are we just tenants, here nine months to tear up the place and gone three months while everyone else catches their breath? I think not. If we vote, spend money and live here then we have a right to be here and a responsibility to our neighbors. The point is: we have to pay attention to what is happening to our community, and what direction we want Lawrence to take for the 1990's.
Lawrence is changing — fast. Wal-Mart recently chose Lawrence for the site of its first store in its new wave of "Eco-Marts". Drive out west anywhere between Kasold and Inverness Drive and you'll see a fury of building: rows of neo-Overland Park "Instant Houses". A second high school is on its way for this new western half. The "South Lawrence Expressway" is on the drawing table.
What about the effects of the "new
suburbia" on the west side? The first to go would be the wetlands used for decades by Haskell Indian Nations University, razed by the "South Lawrence Expressway" — which is really a way to get commuters from the new neighborhoods on the west side to Overland Park more quickly. The next victim would be the downtown area. Businesses would die or move into strip malls on Kasold. Crime, which has already increased, could mushroom as property values fall east of campus.
In short, Lawrence is in danger of being polarized from rich suburbia in the west to poor slums in the east. 'How do these potential changes threaten KU students? Our quality of life is in danger, because we don't live in a vacuum. The uniqueness of the Lawrence area is threatened.
It's true that most of us are here only a short time, but how do we use that time? By packing Allen Field House? That's part of what we do here, and there's certainly nothing wrong with it — we're students. But we also are adults and we must be aware of what is going on around us. I'm not suggesting that growth is bad, or that a thriving economy would somehow hurt Lawrence. The question is, what kind of growth?
Unfortunately, we students do not have much to say about it. There is really not much we can do. That does not mean, however, that these questions are not relevant. We at least have a responsibility to keep our eyes open, to recognize what is happening around us, and most importantly, to recognize how these changes affect us and our neighbors.
Jack Lerner Roeland Park, Kan., senior
Jack Lerner
Column was incorrect; gun sales are checked
Jack Fisher's column on March 10 contains several factual errors. The most blatant of these simple errors is in his statement that "...it is still quite possible for anyone to buy a weapon without any background check." It is today and has been since the National Firearms Act of 1968, a crime for licensed firearms dealer to sell a
firearm of any kind to a person without completing form 4473 from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. This form asks the buyer to answer several probing questions under penalty of law. Also, the dealer is required to verify the identity of the purchaser. These forms are open for inspection by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. There are now and have been stiff penalties for breaking this law. However, I am sure that a person prepared to commit murder, the highest crime in the land, does not worry too much about the firearms laws he or she is breaking.
More disturbing than these simple errors is Mr. Fisher's fundamental error of understanding concerning the Constitution of the United States. Mr. Fisher states, "As to the 'right to bear arms' argument, the Constitution should be something that is used to regulate society, not strangle it." Unfortunately, this summation of his thesis is flawed in that the Constitution of the United States enumerates the people's rights with regulating and restricting the government. It is not a tool used by the government to manage the people, but a tool used by the people to manage the government. Given this review, the foundation of Mr. Fisher's argument is diminished.
In the event that Mr. Fisher wishes to pursue his "gun ban" idea even with its flawed premise, the founding father's (those who wrote the Constitution, not those who just read it) have a few things to say on the subject. Hopefully Mr. Fisher will get the point:
"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." Thomas Jefferson
"A militia when properly formed, are in fact the people themselves ... and include all men [and women] capable of bearing arms. To preserve liberty it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms and be taught alike how to use them."-Richard Henry Lee
"... to disarm the people is the best and most effectual way to enslave them."-George Mason
"The Constitution shall never be construed ... to prevent the people of the United States who are peace-
able citizens from keeping their own
arms." Samuel Adams
Jeffrey W. Deane Lawrence Graduate student
criminals, not guns, are responsible for violence
I'd like a chance to respond to the column written by Jack Fisher where he endorses the prohibition of all guns in America.
From the technical errors he made when talking about different guns, I would suspect that he spent five or six minutes in a pawn shop in order to pick up a little "gun-speak" to use as ammunition for his column.
Mr. Fisher quotes statistics to persuade the reader that it is guns in this country that are responsible for all our violence. I would like to respond with a couple of figures that are much more relevant to the picture.
In our country, 70 percent of the violent crimes are committed by 6 percent of the criminals. Two out of every three criminals released will be arrested again within 36 months. For every 100 serious crimes committed, only five criminals will go to jail, where they will serve an average of one-third of their sentences.
This country is in the middle of a trend. We are no longer holding people accountable for their actions. It was my upbringing that caused me to get hooked on drugs, and my mom was an alcoholic. Blaming guns for society's problems rather than the people who commit the crimes is just another example. We coddle criminals rather than punish them. I can't afford cable TV, but my tax dollars help anyone in jail enjoy it.
The solution to this problem isn't to make gun ownership illegal. Mr. Fisher even admits that criminals still would have guns. Extending the "logic" used by Mr. Fisher, we would go back to liquor prohibition because we have drunk drivers. That won't happen because we all know that's a foolish idea. So is banning guns. We as a society must hold the violent elements accountable for their actions. By doing this, will we begin to address the problem of crime in America.
Greg Dyer Lawrence senior
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