Spring Break: plan, tan, it's all forgotten
'Legends' are all part of the mystique of week-long holiday
Ah, spring is in the air. The birds sing, the ground gives off its earthy scent, and the fresh breeze carries the gleeful laughter of stockholders in Coors Brewing Co. Spring Break is ready to wholeheartedly embrace our academically stressed brain cells.
Of course, spring break does more than provide a much needed reprieve from scholarly pursuits for students nationwide. It's also a topic of conversation that can sustain hours of small talk from January to May (and beyond, if you do something really spectacular). After listening to my friends, my enemies, and random people on campus, I have concluded that there are three stages of Pre-Spring Break Talk.
Stage One : Fantasy
This goes something like :
X : Hey man, I can't wait until we go skiing/surfing/binge drinking for Spring Break.
Y: Yeah, it's going to be, like, awesome.
Stage Two: Planning
X : Hi, I'd like, I mean, we'd like, well, I mean, me and some of my buddies here ... I'm not really sure how many, 'cause Jeff's on academic probation, and Mike thinks his girlfriend's cheating on him, so I don't know ... Oh, oh yeah, we wanna go to Jamaica.
Travel Agent : A round trip airplane ticket...
X : Plane? [Expletive], I thought we could drive!
X: Hey, at least the food's free at home.
Stage Three: Reality
Y: Yeah, and anyway, I'm saving up for winter break. Yeah.
Z: Could one of you guys give me a ride to the airport? My car's getting a new stereo installed while I'm in Rio.
If you're like Z and actually make it somewhere for spring break, make the most of this divine opportunity. You're homebound friends will be salivating for stories to turn into Legends, much as many of you, no doubt, are eager to become Legends. To aid you in your quest of Spring Break Immortality, I've compiled the following tips. Post this on your fridge and practice occasionally.
Tips For Becoming A Legend
1. Embellish. A factor of four usually works well, 10 if you really think you can pull it off.
2. Injure yourself. Not badly, but just enough to prove that you've been somewhere. Here's an example : "Oh, that gouge on my arm? That's just where the piranha grazed me while I was snorkeling. Yeah, the Coast Guard didn't think I'd make it, but I can outswim anything.
3. Imbibe. A documented case of cirrhosis gets extra points.
4. The Tan : dark and lustrous, worthy of melanoma.
5. The Walk: a slow saunter accompanied by a jaded sigh to indicate how much you worldly relaxations have fatigued you.
Those of you who don't venture beyond the city limits need not fret. You, too, can become a Legend as long as your friends aren't current on local news. The same tips apply, except for No.4. The Tan is entirely dependent upon Kansas weather, which is well known for its multiple personality disorder.
Regardless of what you do (or don't do) for spring break, a common phenomenon that strikes most spring-breakers is the "Duh ... Wut's Dat? Syndrome." This usually involves a temporary loss of memory that can encompass anything from your zip code to your Great-Aunt Fredericka. Before you close up your apartment/dorm room/brain for the break, write some vital information down.
1. Full name, including any and all nicknames. If someone on campus calls you Sugar Muffin or Bam-Bam, you'll want to know why.
2. Address and telephone number. You might want to pin this to your shirt in case you're found lying around somewhere and need to be UPS-ed home.
3. Name of people you know in classes and would be really embarrassed if you forgot. And have no doubt that you'll forget, most likely when you're trying to introduce people to each other.
You'll want to put this list of names and numbers somewhere really obvious, where you can't forget what you did with it. It's amazing what one week of sunshine can do to brain cells.
Now, we've been discussing the aspect of spring break where we make every attempt to indulge our most extravagant whims. There are also the goal-oriented members of the work force who will most likely be in much better financial shape at the end of the week than the carousing sun worshippers. But really, what is the meaning of spring?
Spring is a time of renewal and growth, of new beginnings and fresh starts. The passions that hibernated through the icy winter awaken and change like butterflies into fragile expressions of beauty that bloom fuller with each glorious day. Hearts soar with abandon to the enchanting music of the sun and the stars and love overflows like the babbling brook from its banks.
Okay, enough of that. Spring Break is here.Let's party hard.
Allisha Arora is an Overland Park freshman in biology and English.
March 16, 1994 THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN BREAK
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