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THE UNIVERSITY COURIER.
ChoiceHo Fine Fu Smoking Jack
Young men will find Furnishing Goods Depline of Holiday Novelties seen in any large city. Gloves, Choice Handker and a thousand other our Dollar Street and Dogskin. They are glove in the market. We make it a point to call the Latest and Newest
ASP
W.W.MO
1009 and 1011 Ma
Mail orders carefully
The class in Qualitative Analys has just begun the analysis of u known substances.
Chemistry Notes.
Mr. L. T. Smith, a graduate chemistry, goes to Cuba after Jan 1, to work in a sugar laboratory. The next lecture in the cour "The Chemistry of Everyday Life at Olathe, will be given Jan. 8.
The chemical department has received a large lot of apparatus and fine chemicals from Germany. The list included many special pieces of apparatus, and lot of aniline color purchased by Mr. Franklin while in Germany.
Mr. E. C. McClung, who is sugar chemist on a plantation in Louisiana, writes that he will return soon after Christmas. He has been kept very busy making analyses of the product from several mills.
Prof. Bailey expects to make trip east during the holidays, visiting Washington, New York an New England; also the University of Pennsylvania and Yale Univerisity.
The best Cigars, the best smoking Tobacco and Cigaretets at Smith's News Depot.
WILLIS.
DaLee's Photograph Gallery,
South Tennessee St.
FIRST-CLASS WORK DONE.
Special : Rates : to : Students.
TRAUMEREI.
You will feel lots better the day before Christmas than you will the day after; as a rule a man eats too much. He takes some of the "white meat please;" corrals a hunk of oyster pie with "raw juice," gathers in a sheaf of celery; piles up mashed potatoes to the size of a muskrat house and then sours the whole thing with cranberry sauce. We don't know why people will eat cranberry sauce when they can get green persimmons or prickly ash berries that will do the job much better. For a man to eat as much as he can hold and then apply an astringent to his stomach in the shape of cranberry sauce is highly barbarous. If you cannot get the persimmons, a little quinine in cold coffee will not be as bitter as cranberries but do not be too particular.
There is one drawback to the quinine however; there are no berries to mash in your mouth and squirt red ink all over the shirt front of the man sitting opposite. After eating all the white meat and picking the bones, one feels rather warm and downs a freezer of ice cream, his stomach feels rather frost bitten and he would like to wash it in alum water as a preventative for chilblains. He now eats a piece of brandy-soaked mince pie to thaw the ice cream and his breath smells like the spirit lamp under the coffee urn. This was our fix on Thanksgiving and when we went to bed we felt as if the Highland meteor had buried itself in our stomach.
We went to sleep, and in our noctural dreams felt as if all the scientific men in Kansas were on top of us trying to dig that meteor out; at last they got to quarreling as to who would have it and we forgot them. We dreamed that the meteor wanted to continue its heavenly course, started on its journey and took us with it. Likely the alcohol of that mince pie had effected the meteor, for we soon found ourselves on the banks of of the Styx. We looked around and saw Charon trying to catch little dragons with red flannel. We thought we could give him some pointers on fishing and so hailed him; "Hello! Cherry, old boy, how's
bizz?" He looked up; pulled in his red-under-shirt bait, and pushed his mud scow to shore. "Hop on" he said, "I ain't got time to monkey with you students." I said something about our having the best foot ball team on earth and he wanted to know where in Hell there was room to play foot-ball, and I shut up. There were lots of names cut on the sides and seats of the boat. I saw where some one had carved "Cleopatra and Caesar." Antony came along soon after and saw the carving and it made him hot. He scratched Caesar's name out and put his there. I saw the name "Helen" and then right under it was written "Troy." I thought she had forgotten to put the Kansas after it, so I supplied it, and put my name under hers. Charon said something about "Menelaus will get you," but I did not understand and not wanting to appear ignorant, kept silent. Pretty soon the air began to smell like a stove was smoking or some one was fumigating the room to kill small pox. I leaned over the edge of the boat to get a drink when Charon said "set up there; how do you reckon I can row when you don't balance?" He hurt my feelings but I said nothing. We soon reached the shore; when I stepped out Charon said: "Say, when you go up yonder tell the old man that I must have a raise, I have worked for him for three eternities now and haven't got a cent." I sauntered on, having in my hand a piece of bologna to give Cerberus. I arrived at the imperial gate and was met by an old student. His neck was stretched pretty badly. Horse-thieves' necks generally are. "Hello Jack, glad to see you," he said. I didn't return the compliment, if I had had a Greek horse I would have ridden out of there, but I left it in the bureau. I asked the fellow that was taking tickets where Plutos' three headed dog was. He said it was dog days and they had to keep him on ice but would turn him loose as soon as Pasteur came.
I sat down on a piece of brimstone and commenced to blow smoke rings around the knob on the gate. "How do you like your job?" I asked the old student, "well," he said, expectorating about a pint of liquid sulphur, "it is not
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A college for women. The program of graduate courses for 1891-92 will be sent on application.
Take : Notice
THAT AT
829 Mass. St.
You will find one of the best
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JOHN HUME.