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THE WEEKLY UNIVERSITY COURIER.
UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS.
SUBSCRIPTION ONE DOLLAR PER YEAR
PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY MORNING.
VOL. VIII.
LAWRENCE, KANSAS, JAN. 31, 1890.
"We Beg Pardon!"
Whether the American people have suffered more from the monster Grippe than from the pointless and hilarious wit it has produced is a matter of grave doubt. At least this "latest thing" is becoming decidedly "chestnut." But we are sure the COURIER will be pardoned for the publication of the following, clipped from the Chicago Grover. We know of nothing that has been quite so good as this:—
La Grippe.
But most every one is either talking about it, indulging in it, or getting ready to go to bed with it, and that is the way I came to mention it. And then I have been there—and in fact am still there! It's really quite the thing to have it. In fact you can't shake it. It is one of those unwelcome guests that comes right in without an invitation. Yes, yes, it gets there.
I left my office in company with this Russian emigrant with the avowed purpose of going home on Wednesday, the 18th I took the Brooklyn Bridge train in regular order, and paid one fare. I thought to myself: "That's the way I'll shake this Russian, I won't pay his fare." But when I got into the five o'clock bridge jam and found myself on the train, my Russian friend was there too. I said: "You'd better go back to Castle Garden; I think you have forgotten your grip." But he only grinned, showed his teeth, and gave me a shock of his grip. The pains run up and down my back, there was a heavy dnll aching at the base of the brain, my chest felt compressed, my eyes watered and I felt like——. When I entered my bachelor den I opened the door only wide enough for one but two got in, and the second party was the Russian emigrant. I saw it was of no use so I said: "Certainly, come right in, make yourself perfectly at home. Here are the evening papers. No! Can't read English, eh? Well, take off your furs and stay awhile." And he did. He commenced right then and there to do me up To toy with me. To twist my backbone, like a baker making tuffy-candy. He became familiar. When I retired he got in bed with me. He jammed my head against the head-board with the pain. He propped my eyes open, and would not let them close in sleep. He carried off my appetite. He hung his monkey-wrench on my
spinal column and turned on the steam till my temperature went up to 150 degrees in the shade and no umbrella. Then he commenced toying with my circulation. Being a newspaper man he thought I ought to have a nice large circulation. I said, no! He said, yes! So he commenced to increase it, and all the blood in my body went through my heart with a rush. My circulation was large by sworn statement. There was a time when it ran ahead of the New York World. And so it was that my Russian friend staid, and with him staid his grip. When he had gotten me about exhausted he would ease away a little, sit on the foot-board of the bed, blink both eyes and study where to hit me next.
But the days wore on and became ten days that he had been with me. I said then I would make it too hot for him—I would sweat him out, and I was not wholly unsuccessful I took three cathartic pills, a five grain quinine pill, a big dose of hot whiskey, a hot bath, a plenty of cold water, and went to bed in a warm room. When I awoke in the morning ray Russian friend had gone and had left his fur overcoat. It was too hot in the room for furs. And that is my prescription for getting rid of of him. Make it too hot for him to stay. Sweat him out. He comes from the land of eternal snows and furs. He can't stand a warm climate. Give him a hot mustard bath.
It's Coming.
That is a Glee Club for K. S. U The COURIER has not blown its horn in vain. Determined steps have been made-more will be made-success will perch at last on the banners of a University Glee Club. There is nothing like making a noise that will produce an echo. The COURIER thinks so.
He has 15,000 victims in Brooklyn, 40,000 in New York city, 25,000 in Boston, 30,000 in Philadelphia, and now he is journeying into the west. When he reaches there, my readers, you will find that his visit is no joke. Before he leaves America he will have tooyed with more than five millions of our fellow citizens. He is a cold blooded, designing cuss. He goes hand in hand with the anarchist and the Russian nihillist and bomb thrower. I hate the land that gave him birth.
Finical has returned from his home in Ohio where he has been wrestling with the grippe.
As They Decided It.
The decision of the judges of the late contest has provoked no little comment. The general marking has not been criticised so much as has the different individual opinions of the judges. The judges were Hon. John Hutchings, Dr. C. G. Howland and Judge J. S. Emery on Composition and Thought and Col. H. M. Green, Judge J. Q. A. Norton and Hon. S. A. Riggs on Delivery. Their markings are as follows:
THOUGHT AND COMPOSITION.
Enery. Hutchings. Howland. Total
Bowercock 191 4 175 3 162 5 11
Corney 15 2 160 5 185 5 13
Hall 189 5 163 3 184 4 10
Baer 18 5 163 3 184 4 10
Rubz 18 6 161 4 170 4 14
Baer 108 1 181 1 174 3 15
DELIVERY.
Norton  Ringges  Green  Total
Bowersock 94 4  87 3  80 3  10
Bursey 93 5  90 2  93 2  9
Holl 96 2  82 5  85 2  12
Mushut-h 96 2  82 5  85 4  12
Mushut-b 92 6  75 6  84 5  18
Ogner 98 1  95 1  92 1  18
Total ranks, Baer 8, Musrush 17, Bowe sock 21, Burney 22 Hall 22, Rae 32.
The peculiarity of these decisions lies in the great similarity and difference of individual opinion. There is an exact identity in the markings of Judges Riggs and Green on Delivery, while the different opinions passed on the same orator is equally as interesting and remarkable. We will not make further comparisons, but we will let the reader get them from the table. He will find them numerous.
A Little Law.
They were coming down the hill: one was a distinguished Senior; the other a verdent prep-a follower, and almost a worshiper of his dignified companion
The D. S. had just heard a bit of news. —news that filled his very soul with unadulterated joy. It was impossible to restrain himself and he proceeded to throw up: "Say, Jaek, have you heard the news?" "Why, no, what do you mean?" anxiously asked the verdent prep. D. S.: Why, the COURRIER has been garnisheed.
D. S.-Of course it will!
V. P.-Gosh! You don't say so?
Why, that will bust her up won't it?
V. P.- Whoop'ee la! Hurrah for the Kausan.
V. P.-(as a bright idea strikes him) Say, John, if the COURIER busts we won't have to "put up" any more for the Kansan, will we? D. S.-Why, of gouse, not. It is our very salvation. We would
D. S.- You bet you can holler for the Kansan. The COURIER is gone to thunder! Busted! When a thing is garnished you can bet your rocks the thing is busted! Gone up higher than Gillroy's kite.
nave gone under surer than blazes had not this happened. Its darn lucky the COURIFR was garnisheed I tell you!
V. P.- You bet it is!
And then they parted, the V. P. bubbling over with the good news and the D. S. unusually conscious of his knowledge and control of the earth.
If the Laws can find anything worthy of remark in the above the D. S, would undoubtedly be glad to know it.
Our New Regent.
The vacancy made in the Board of Regents by the [resignation of Hon. J. F. Billings of Clay Center has been filled- and admirably filled.
Hon. D. A. Valentine, of Clay Center is the honored man. From all that we can learn Gov. Humpery could have made no better selection
Mr. Valentine is a promising yong man of exceptional ability. College bred, he is uncompromisingly devoted to every interest of advanced education. As editor of Clay Center Times he is fast winning a distinguished place in the State.
We understand that he heartily supports the selection of Prof. J. H. Canfield for Chancellor. If so there is another proof of a broadly thinking and sensible man.
NO.19.
K. S, U. Will Entertain.
If K. S. U. does not win the chaplet of honor on February 14th, she will not lose anything by this ball.
Yes, and in a most enviable and delightful manner too. Her guests to the State Contest will think so, when leaving the feast of reason they repare to the ball room and there become the victims of a generous and brilliant hospitality.
Prof. Green ground out a lot of new cases for junior moot-court last week.
Our Little List.
At a recent meeting of the representative students the business of the Ball was fully discussed and put into the hands of committees. The different committees are as follows: Executive and reception, Deford, Taylor, Kellogg, Hadley, Sears, Brown and Babett. Hall: Challis, Sears and Taylor; and Music: Babett, Kellogg and Hadley.
A glance at these committees is a positive assurance of a successful and delightful affair. They are composed of men of experience, who don't believe in doing things half way.
Billy Morgan is in the city.
Miss Lucille Pennabaker is quite ill
"Was it tough? Well I should smile!"
K. S. U. never passed through a sadder week.
E. L. Ackley is visiting in Manhattan.
Fox returned Tuesday after a very pleasant visit in Atchison.
Prof. Templin will have charge of the class in logic during the ensuing term.
Valentine and Hogeboone, of Topeka, are in town to attend the Phi Gam hop to-night.
Paul Wilkinson, who hails from genial Billy Taylor's town, has returned to resume his studies.
The class in prospective are mourning and lamenting over what they call a night mare of an examination,
The Board of Directors of the A. A. of K. S. U. hold an important meeting this afternoon. Every Director should be present
Jonathan Davis left for his home in Fort Scott last Wednesday and will not be in school the next term. He expects to retrnr next September.
Politics, politics, college politics! Oh, that I knew that those votes went all for —! Well, I didn't want an office, anyhow.
Jim Cooper, of the Laws, the new University correspondent for the Tribune and K. C. Journal, is making a wonderful reputation as a bright and clever "hustler." There is no patent plate in Jim's "make-up."
The miscreants who, withdispicable meaness and smallness of soul, piles the rubbers in a heap, should be marched in all the solemnity that their case requires to the classic banks of the raging Kaw and there immersed to the depth of ten feet within its cooling depths.
K. S. Springer, of White Cloud, is visiting his son this week. He has been undoubtedly assisting him through the "awful exams"
E. E. Helms, state secretary of the College Y. M. C. A., will lead the meeting at the University tonight. An interesting time is expected and all are earnestly invited to attend.
Getty is a believer in the Henry George land theory, as the political economy class have discovered.
For Boots and Shoes Go to A. G. Menger & Co.