Page 7
University Daily Kansan
Would You Spell That, Please? The Astronaut Said to the 7090
CAPE CANAVERAL — (UPI) — Someday perhaps 10,000 years from now, an archaeologist is going to unearth the ancient ruins of Cape Canaversal and wonder just what language the inhabitants spoke. A lot of the current inhabitants are wondering the same thing.
ON THE MAINLAND side, English is still the going thing. But the spoken and written word at Canaveral is a hodgepodge of English, scientific jargon, test pilot slang, Madison Avenue-ism, corrupted idiom and verbal innovations ginned up to fit the occasion.
An example; "The launch sent the three-stage vehicle, a second-generation configuration, on a nominal trajectory . . . The command module programmed, staged and optimized its attitude in the automatic mode—all well within defined parameters."
A language barrier has grown up between this spaceport and the remainder of the United States. The barrier is clearly defined by the Banana River, which separates Cape Canveral from the U.S. mainland.
THE WORD "rocket" for instance, is frowned upon. "Vehicle" is preferable. Besides, it has one or more syllable. As long as the payload—be it a space capsule or an ordinary satellite—is attached, it too is considered the "vehicle."
When it becomes necessary to differentiate between sections of the vehicle, they are called "booster" and "spacecraft." Never, never "rockets" and "satellites."
A rocket . . . er, vehicle cannot fly a normal course. It must "program through a normal trajectory." By the same token it cannot possibly fail. It "aborts" or "falls short of its goal" or does any number of other things that sidestep an out-and-out admission of failure.
Vehicles do not have parts. They have "components". Spacecraft (not spaceships, capsules or satellites) do not have sections . . . they are built in "modules," or on a "modular concept."
TROUBLES are "malfunctions." Shapes are "configurations." Methods of doing things are "modes."
Living daily in such a polysyllabic puzzle palace, Canaveralites are beginning to let things get a bit out of hand. One driver recently pulled into a garage and explained to the attendant that his automobile was giving him troubles in the "idling mode."
A youngster told her dad that a neighboring family had bought a new car, "the 1964 configuration." And when another family mapped its
weekend trip, it "programmed" the mapped course for a visit to Miami Beach.
Even finding out the time at Cape Canaveral is no mean feat for a mere mortal without a 7090 computer.
During the year, the missile base extends partial or full recognition to five time standards—Greenwich Mean, Zulu, Military 24-hour, Eastern Standard and, in season, Eastern Daylight.
GREENWICH MEAN time, or GMT, and Zulu are one and the same. Zulu Time is five hours ahead of Eastern Standard, but both are expressed in the 24-hour vernacular—the old "1900 hours" bit. Those who come down from Washington or other points north and forget to set their watches back an hour face an added step getting Zulu translated into Eastern Daylight.
Say a rocket is scheduled for 1910 Zulu. Subtracting five hours from that, you get 1410. Since 1200 Military Time is 12 noon, an added 210—or two hours 10 minutes—becomes 2:10 p.m. Eastern Standard, and add another hour for Eastern Daylight, or 3:10 p.m.
And, as in any foreign land, just ask the nearest policeman or bartender if you have troubles.
HURRY!
HURRY!
MAKE YOUR
FLIGHT
RESERVATIONS
NOW
FOR
CHRISTMAS
VACATION!
Avoid later disappointment. Several choice flights during Christmas vacation period are already booked to capacity and on wait-list. The quicker you place your flight reservations, the better chances you have for the flight schedules of your choice.
PHONE OR VISIT US TODAY!
Virginia Daniels — Walter Houk
MAUPINTOUR TRAVEL SERVICE
The Malls Shopping Center Viking 3-1211
8:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m... Monday thru Friday
until 12:00 Noon on Saturday
Tatlock to Head 'Hoover' Group
Tom Tatlock, Wichita senior, was named chairman of the Little Hoover Commission last night by Reuben McCornack, Abilene senior and student body president.
ber group investigating the 25 ASC committees to see if changes are needed.
Tatlock will head a seven-mem-
McCornack said Tatlock has agreed to report to the ASC Dec. 3 on the finding of the commission.
SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE AND JAZZ LIKE THAT
I am now an elderly gentleman, full of years and aches, but my thoughts keep ever turning to my undergraduate days. This is called "arrested development."
But I cannot stop the healing tide of nostalgia that washes over me as I recall those golden campus days, those ivy-covered buildings (actually, at my college, there was only ivy: no bricks), those pulse-tingling lectures on John Dryden and Cotton Mather, the many friends I made, the many deans I bit.
I know some of you are already dreading the day when you graduate and lose touch with all your merry classmates. It is my pleasant task today to assure you that it need not be so; all you have to do is join the Alumni Association and every year you will receive a bright, newsy, chatty bulletin, chock-full of tidings about your old buddies.
Oh, what a red-letter day it is at my house, the day the Alumni Bulletin arrives! I cancel all my engagements, take the phone off the hook, dismiss my resident osteopath, put the cheetah outside, and settle down for an evening of pure pleasure with the Bulletin and (need I add?) a good supply of Marlboro Cigarettes.
---
Whenever I am having fun, a Marlboro makes the fun even more fun. That filter, that flavor, that yielding soft pack, that firm Flip Top box, never fails to heighten my pleasure whether I am playing Double Canfield or watching the radio or knitting an afghan or enjoying any other diverting pursuit you might name—except, of course, spear fishing. But then, how much spear fishing does one do in Clovis, New Mexico, where I live?
But I digress. Let us return to my Alumni Bulletin and the fascinating news about my old friends and classmates. I quote from the current issue:
"Well, fellow alums, it certainly has been a wing-dinger of a year for us old grads! Remember Mildred Cheddar and Harry Camembert, those crazy kids who always held hands in Econ II? Well, they're married now and living in Clovis, New Mexico, where Harry rents spear-fishing equipment, and Mildred has just given birth to a lovely 28-pound daughter, her second in four months. Nice going, Mildred and Harry!
"Remember Jethro Brie, the man we voted most likely to succeed? Well, old Jethro is still gathering laurels! Last week he was voted 'Motorman of the Year' by his fellow workers in the Duluth streetcar system. 'I owe it all to my brakeman,' said Jethro in a characteristically modest acceptance speech. Same old Jethro!
"Probably the most glamorous time had by any of us old alums was had by Francis Macomber last year! He went on a big game hunting safari all the way to Africa! We received many interesting post cards from Francis until he was, alas, accidentally shot and killed by his wife and white hunter. Tough luck, Francis!
"Wilametta 'Deadeye' Macomber, widow of the late beloved Francis Macomber, was married yesterday to Fred 'Sureshot' Sigafoos, white hunter, in a simple double-ring ceremony in Nairobi. Many happy returns, Wilametta and Fred!
"Well, alums, that just about wraps it up for this year. Buy bonds!"
$ \textcircled{c} $ 1963 Max Shulman
Old grads, new grads, undergrads, and non-grads all agree; that good Richmond tobacco recipe, that clean Selectrate filter, have turned all fifty states of the Union into Marlboro Country. Won't you join the throng?