20
The University Courier.
LITERARY.
THE FLUNKER.
"When the devil was sick,
The devil a saint would be;
When the devil got well,
The devil a saint was he."
Thus chanted the flunker bold
When he drew his minus three,
So he took up his nerve untold
And prayed to the Faculty.
The Faculty kind, erased
The minus that followed his three,
While the flunker his nerve embraced
In a fit of triumphant glee.
Then his homeward way he traced,
And he chuckled at every tree,
"When the flunker had failed,
The flunker a dig would be;
When the flunker had passed,
* * * * dig was he!"
X. Y.
A THREE HORNED DILEMMA.
The following local appeared a number of years ago in the columns of a leading college paper:
"James Wagstaff, a member of the Senior class, who recently received a commencement appointment and who would soon have graduated cum laude, has left school. His whereabouts are unknown and no reason can be assigned for his conduct."
Wagstaff was a class mate of mine and I thought I knew him fairly well. We came from the same town and had always been more or less intimate. I could assign no reason for his action and the more I pondered over the matter the more perplexed I became.
Wagstaff was always popular in college. He was a bright, dashing fellow, frank and open in his manner and withal an excellent student. He was always in demand in social circles, and had a most unbounded admiration for the fair sex. Although he was intellectual his intellectuality and reason did not always rule him. He was the most impulsive fellow I ever knew, given to emotions which at times carried him completely away.
For several years after graduation I followed my profession, civil engineering, in several different western states. I thought of Wag-staff at times and wondered if the mystery of his disappearance would ever be cleared up, but after a time I almost dismissed the affair from my mind. Finally my engineering corps was sent to Mexico to work on a railroad from the city of Mexico to an interior town. My headquarters were in the city of Mexico. The old city had a peculiar charm for me. Its amusement loving, careless people, the quaint architecture, the delightful climate, all combined to attract me.
One day while sauntering along the great plaza of the city, lazily smoking a cigarette, some one grasped me by the shoulder, and a voice, I would have known it among a thousand, greeted me; "Great Scott, Holt, who would have expected you here?" I turned and grasped his hand. Yes, it was Wagstaff, a little older, perhaps, but the same jolly whole-souled fellow. "Come along old boy and take dinner with me," he continued, "I want to have a talk with you and find out how affairs are up in the states." He took my arm in his and led me away to his boarding house, at the same time assailing me with a volley of questions about affairs at home.
When dinner was over we repaired to the piazza, Wagstaff produced some cigars and when comfortably seated he looked at me and half quizzically said: "Well, I suppose you want to know why I am here and why I left college so suddenly, without a word of explanation." "I confess I have some curiosity on that point," I answered.
flattered myself that many of them were not indifferent to me. I tried to conquer my passion for them but to no purpose. I loved the beautiful, and woman you know is the most beautiful of all created things. This passion of mine is what got me in a quandary.
"I suppose I ought to have told you this affair years ago but I didn't have the courage to consult any one then and moreover I suddenly formed a resolution and acted on it without careful thought. You know, Holt, I always was a great admirer of the girls, and I
You remember Edith Baker. We lived in the same town, were play mates, school mates, and in fact grew up together. When a boy Edith to me was simply perfection. She was beautiful, modest, sensible. Ere I went to college I declared my passion and emphasized it with all the rhetoric at my command. Her answer was not decisive but encouraging. If I proved myself a man at college she would give me a definite answer shortly before I graduated. In the meantime I was to write to her occasionally.
"I went to college. The conditions were easy and in line with my own inclinations. Filled with the desire to win both love and a fair place for myself I worked hard, and, you know, I succeeded as a student. I intended to be true to Edith if ever a man did. But my ruling passion was too strong for me. At the end of my Sophomore year I spent two months at a summer resort in the mountains of Virginia. Here I met Nellie Downs, a radiant young creature, fresh from a ladies' boarding school. We were much in each others society. I surrendered myself to the enjoyment of the moment and soon I had forgotten everything but Nellie Downs. But she was more discreet than I, we were both young, she said, and could well wait awhile ere any definite arrangements were made. I went back to college. I saw I had placed myself in an awkward position. But I hoped that in two years time some opportunity would present itself for me to honorably escape. In the meantime I resolved to forego society.
"But alas, man isn't always master of his destiny, at least I wasn't. I got along very well until my senior year. Then I fell in love with another girl, a member of the senior class. I struggled against my passion to no avail. One day I called on her. Under the spell of her personality, I forgot my scruples and before I left the house she had promised after graduation to be my wife. I went to my room happy, elated, almost walking on air. Two letters were lying on my table. My spirits fell to zero and a cold sweat broke out on my brow when I saw them. The handwriting of both was familiar. One was from Edith Baker, the other Nellie Downs. Both were to the same effect, "After you have graduated" * * * I can't go on with it. For three days I faced that dreadful future 'after graduation.' Visions of terrible breach of promise suits floated before my sight. It was a terrible strain. I felt my reason giving away. Then a happy thought struck me. There should be no 'after graduation,' and so, old boy, I bolted. Do you blame me?"
EXCHANGES.
ARIZONA LOVE-SONG.
I had a girl in Mexico,
Insect bit her on the toe,
Now she's where the lilies grow.
Name of insect you may know—
Ta-ra-ra rantula, etc.
A DECISION.
As a maid so nice,
With steps precise,
Tripped o'er the ice,
She slipped; her care in vain.
And at the fall,
With usual gall,
The school-boys call,
"Third down; two feet to gain."
—Brunonian
Fourteen hundred students attend the State Normal School of Kansas University. U.of Col.Silver and Gold.
Thanks, gentlemen, thanks; such information is always refreshing.