Toothaker's Stable is the favorite Livery with the students. Hacks always in waiting.
all speak suffered, just to the
and visits
for the
it was to
and how
ang as it
. In the
of yore,
he knives
many of
life, and
a everything;
need as an
air, while
murch.
curiosities of
. These
4, and the
for three
now each
cancer
not been
the day
doors fora wreck,
iliziated by
zones, who
but settle-
property
as and torn
on library,
folly, en
isappoint-
break of the
with its
its; of the
they are of
utury ago.
now dead
se seems
should be
se friends.
college has
a either of
likely on ac-
er and bet-
the union
lands of the
personnel col-
for a cen-hard and
n to promi-
late lives for
life conflict;
if obscurity
and honor
he said that
honored in
her brick
name will go
of the great
less, and her
love her as
of one who
years ago:
the Chartie
the Chartiers
r in wealth,
and dear to us;
the thing we
REMINISCENCES. [For the Courrier.]
s soul has fled,
of sons
their heart of
E. HENRY.
normal had a
written arti-
tive. It will be
rit in which
most a pleas-
hen it is giv-
For once I am not going to be personal. My reasons are two: First, I have promised not to reveal my name. Second, it is not a pleasant treat to the nostrils to raise too much wind around a decayed carcass. My motive in touching the subject at all is simply to show that in the University, as elsewhere, "things are not always what they seem."
In lieu of his sight name I shall call the subject of my narrative "Kansas."
When you find a chap proclaiming for himself a higher grade of purity than has been doled out to the rest of mankind, "shust look a leetle outt." This doctrine gained no little strength in my mind from the incident I am about to relate. Kansas in his days was one of the prime movers in college affairs. He was a leader in things political, was more or less popular with the boys, moved in what is known as the "higher circles" of the University, and old Granny Rumor had his name linked in future bliss with a number of Oread's best looking daughters. He came to prominence in a number of enterprices which I cannot mention without revealing his identity. In fact, he was held up by his friends as a chaste model for the young collegian. Nobody, however, seemed to appreciate his melligenous goodness so much as himself. His chapel speeches, his society debates, his journalistic contributions, were all of one refrain — this earthly dwelling of ours had become a den of vileness in which the people were correspondingly worse as you approached the upper stories. The only really tolerable people were those who lived in the basements. The Augean stables were crystal palaces of purity in comparison with this sinful world. He always left us to infer that the only means of cleansing an earthly habitation would be to let loose another flood; and even that would be ineffacious unless he was selected as the progenitor of the new race.
One day in the Eldridge House office I happened to notice on the register the name "Mrs. Dr. Kansas." Dropping in on Kansas the same afternoon, I jokingly remarked that I saw he had his wife, "Mrs. Dr. Kansas," registered at the Eldridge. He turned palid, wheeled on me, and gasping demanded what I meant. That something was terribly awry, was painfully evident. Next day a woman called on Kansas expressing a preference to be shown direct to his room, instead of meeting him in the parlor. Kansas' roommate was witness to a stormy scene. Kansas quickly got the woman out of the house and accompanied her to the Eldridge. That same afternoon she left the city, and so far as I know, never returned.
The cat was out of the bag. Kansas confessed the whole affair, and begged his roommate and myself not to tell on him. This moral reformer of the University had a number of years before married the woman in Iowa. A year later he deserted her and their babe, since which time she had not heard of him. Coming to the classic city in the practice of the profession which she had adopted as a means of livelihood, she had accidentally heard his name and discovered his identity. The nature of the “arrangements” by which she was induced to leave the city I never heard; but I tremble to think of the scandal that would have rocked Mont Oread had the “arrangements” not been perfected. Whether Kansas had in reality ever pledged himself to any of the innocent beauties of K. S. U. is problematical. The signs pointed to that conclusion. Be that as it may, such vows were never cemented by the probate's seal. The patriot, moralist, reformer and wifedesertar, continued to wage a wordy warfare against the iniquities of time.
I see that some members of the upper classes of the University are agitating the question of class hats. Let them pause! I presume that after twelve or fifteen years progress in toleration, it will be safe to appear in a class hat without serious danger of being clubbed to death. One of the things for which I am grateful to a divine Providence, is that I once wore a mortar board hat and yet am alive.
The mortar board accomplished one grand purpose. it showed that there was once a class in the University that was harmonious enough to agree on something or other. True, we had to expel one member from the class and duck three others in order to secure harmony, but we got it.
The project of mortar boards was fraught with profound doubts. Could we pay for the hats? Would the Freshmen allow us to wear them? After much buldozing of members the first problem was solved. A caucus was then called to discuss the second. It was decided that Sophs would not appear on the street in less than sets of six, and that the protection of the police should be invoked. Another question was where to store the hats at the University. The chancellor's safe wasn't large enough, and the superintendent refused us the engine house. With rare intrepidity Prof. Canfield came forward and offered to guard them in his study, an offer that was eagerly accepted.
The first appearance of the class in mortar boards wasn't exactly what might be called an astounding success, though it partook something of an ovation. We marched down Massachusetts street in a body. The news boys yelled "pan-cakes" and "flat heads," and the boot blacks threw mud, and the tradesmen said they didn't think a minstrel show coming to town without a band should be patronized. It came to be tacitly understood, however, that if a Soph got inside of church safely, he shouldn't be hooted at during services.
The mortar board, I grieve to say, was a failure. It was the worst abortion of all the diabolical shapes of tiles inflicted on humanity since the days of Adam. It was neither useful nor ornamental. In winter it was colder than an ice cream freezer, and in summer it blistered the scalp. If you wished to tip your hat to a lady, you were sure to knock it off. The least breeze would send it skyward, and the least jostle flopped it to the ground. If you went to hang it up it was sure to tumble down, and if you laid it down it was equally determined to roll over. The tassel slapped you in the eyes or tickled you behind the ears. There wasn't room enough for
a mortar board under an umbrella, and it was only wide enough to run the water down your shirt bosom. It didn't answer for a riding hat, and all the angels couldn't make it do service as a night-cap. It wasn't adapted for foot ball or base ball or rowing. It wouldn't fit under an opera chair, it was too big to hold on your lap, and it didn't make a very good foot rest. On walking home from the theater it wouldn't let you near enough to your girl to—to—that is—well, it wouldn't you near enough to protect her from the wind; and when you went to bid her good bye at the gate, the mortar boards would meet and twist and wrestle and writhe until you had to throw the plagued things on the sidewalk in order to say good night in the most approved college fashion. In truth, the only good use to which a mortar board can be put, I accidentally discovered last spring. Having promised mine to a young lady for a masquerade, I wrote to the boarding mistress with whom I left it, and received this reply: "Can't send your hat for a week yet. The old hen is still setting, and I wont break up her nes for any masquerade."
SMITH.
There is an organization in Topeka which sails under the name of the "St. Ananias Club." It is composed of the principal citizens of Topeka, and the honorary members are well known men, who have shown themselves capable of belonging, among whom is E. Stone Wiggins, of Canada, who is known as the "Meterological Manipulator." The following are the titles of the various members:
"Truth Torturer."
"Hypocritical Hyperbolist."
"Racy Romancer."
"Distinguished Disseminator."
"Nimble Narrator."
"Felicitous Fabricator."
"Eminent Expander."
"Fastidious Falsifier."
"Libelous Linguist."
"Fearful Fictionist."
"Pungent Punster."
"Financial Fabricator."
"Immaculate Inventor."
"August Amplifier."
"Brilliant Boaster."
"Sapient Sophist."
"Phenomenal Prevaricator."
"Esculipian Equivocator."
"Egregious Exaggerator."
"Paraphrastic Paralogist."
"Mephistophelan Munchauseni"
HONORARY MEMBERS.
"Meteorological Manipulator."
"Poetical Presidentiality."
HONORARY MEMBERS.
"Meteorological Manipulator."
"Poetical Prestidigitator."
"Ingenious Insinuator."
"Pruissant Pencil Pusher."
"Facetious Fabricator."
"Piscatorial Prevaricator."
"Caustic Critic."
"Restless Rooster Relator."
"Conspicuous Corn Constructor."
"Anonymous Anomaly."
In this week's issue is published the directory of the University. We intend to leave it standing. We have made it as correct as we were able, but if there are any corrections or additions which should be made, we will be pleased to have them pointed out to us.
Very few students know that the University has not yet accepted Snow Hall, and that the contractor has control of the building.
Finest in the World!
KENNEDY'S CRACKERS!
Nothing Nicer for a Lunch or Tea Party.
Twenty-Five Different Kinds!
Come and See Them!
WHITCOMB BROS.
H. W. HOWE
DENTIST
745 Mass, St., - - Lawrence, Kan.
J. M. WOOD & CO.
Dealers in
Groceries, Fruits, Vegetables
845 Mass. St., Lawrence, Kan.
Special rates to Students.
Don't Miss This Chance.
50c. . It paid in advance, 50 cents will pay for the Daily Tribune 1 month. 50c.
Call at the office and leave your subscrip-
tions before this offer is withdrawn.
STUDENTS WILL FIND FALLEY
At his old stand, ready to turnboard at prices which meet those charged by private parties. Best table in the city. Also seven nicely turned rooms for rent. Accommodations will be found superior to any other. Finest and freshest stock o candies, fruits, nuts, etc. Oysters served in every style. Give us a call.
WM. WIEDEMANN,
The Student's Friend His Pure Candies are Unexcelled.
Make a specialty of
PURE ICE CREAM.
Creamis, Ices, Sodas, Lemonades, Candies Nuts, Foreign and Domestic fruits to be found on the market are always on hand.
E. B. CORSUCH,
Lawrence Tea Store.
Choice Teas and fresh Coffees furnished to clubs.
---
Fresh roasted Coffee every day.
917 Mass St. - LAWRENCE, KAN.
TOM JOHNSON
Keeps the finest
BARBER SHOP
In the City.
717 Massachusetts St.
Special attention given to Students.
(LIQUID)
A preparation of the phosphates of lime, magnesia, potash and iron with phosphoric acid in such form as to be readily assimilated by the system. Prepared according to the directions of Prof. E N. Horford, of Cambridge, Mass.
Mental and Physical Exhaustion Weakened Energy
FOR DYSPEPSIA,
Nervousness, Indigestion, Etc.
Universally recommended and prescribed by physicians of all schools.
Its action will harmonize with such stimulants as are necessary to take.
It is the best tonic known, furnishing sustenance to both brain and body.
It makes a delicious drink with water and sugar only.
Invigorating, Strengthening,
Healthful, Refreshing.
Prices Reasonable. Pamphlet giving further particulars mailed tree. Manufactured by the
Bumford Chemical Works, Providence, R. I.
BEWARE OF IMITATIONS.
F. DEICHMAN & SON,
Wholesale and Retail Dealers in
FIELD & HARGIS' University Book-Store.
Choice Meats, Sugar Cured Hams. AND SAUSAGE,
No. 800 Massachusetts St.