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SWAPS.
THE STEAL PEN.—(Stolen.)
—Pater: "Well, my boy, how do you like college? Alma Mater has turned out some good men." Young Hopefnl: "Ya-as, she's just turned me out!" He had been expelled. —Ex.
—Love: Young Simpson (to the lovely Felicia, as they stood on the piazza in the moonlight) : "Miss Felicia, this world looks so dreary and lonely to me I feel as if no one loves me." Felicia (in a sympathetic tone) : "Oh, Mr Simpson, God loves you!" Simpson, after a thoughtful pause, suggests that they go in, as it is growing chilly. Life.
—Prof. in Physics: "Mr.W.,what,in your opinion, is a good example of a nonconductor?" Mr.W.: "A driver on a bobtailed car." (Appreciative murmurings of applause from outer utterances.)—Poly.
—Speaking of chemical matters, we are reminded that a uniformed professor lately said that matches were of very recent date, upon which a bright member of the class remarked that it was an error, as Adam and Eve made the first match, which was an explosive affair, raising Cain. Stevens Indicator.
—Professor to very noisy class: "Order, gentleman, order. I am very sorry to see so much electricity in your heels, for we know positive electricity at one pole implies negative at the other." —Stevens Indicator.
—Prof. of Geology: "What is a mountain?" M—'It's er-er a hole in the world turnded upside down and is full of rocks.'
GREEK RECITATION. — Benevolent professor (prompting); "Now, then, Eipas—" Somnolent Soph. (remembering last night's studies): "I make it next." （He geos it alone before the faculty.)—Ex.
—First Freshman to second, ditto: "Did you get her photo while you were away?"
Second Freshman: Well—ah—the fact is she gave me her negative. -Princetonian.
A good college paper is worth more for the moral and gentlemanly tone of college life than a library of by-laws and an army of Faculty spies.New York Independent.
Mr. George Washington Childs, of Philadelphia, has in his possession as a reliic, the college gown worn by the poet, Tom Moore, at the University of Dublin. -Herald-Crimson.
—A secret society called "Fox and Grapes" has been formed at Yale. It is explained that the grapes are sour.-Michigan Argonaut.
The Senior secret societies at Yale, the Skull and Bones and the Scroll and Key, have been the subject of a great deal of disSION this winter. At a recent meeting of the Senior class a resolution denouncing those societies was defeated only by a very small majority.-Argonaut.
RIGHT AND LEFT.
He thought he recognized her face
When first it met his sight,
And when she bowed with artless grace
He found that he was right.
But when another wight came up
Of all but pelf bereft,
Her winsome smile died out, and soon—
He found that he was left.—Harvard Advocate.
GEOLOGICAL.
A stratum of solid, slippery ice;
A stratum of slush, so soft and nice;
A stratum of water over that
A stratum of man, in a new silk hat;
Above the startled air is blue
With oath on oath a stratum or two.—Ex,
—Patti's Diamonds.—Among Patti's half-million dollars' worth of diamonds are many that came from the crowned heads, three kings and two queens being among the donors. There is a man in Chicago who used to wear diamonds who is now wearing pawn jewelry, owing to his having three kings and two queens mixed up in the affair. The other man held three aces and a pair of jacks. Peck's Sun.