UNIVERSITY COURIER.
13
There are seven thousand Americans attending the Universities of Germany.
At the Wisconsin University, 114 students out of 170 are in favor of Prohibition.
Oberlin has the largest Y. M. C. A. in the world. It numbers nearly 400 members.
The University of Pennsylvania is on its "last legs," financially. Money had to be borrowed to pay last month's salaries and running expenses.
The passing grade of Harvard is 40.
PHUNNY PHACTS.
Student, (translating)—"Three times I strove to cast my arms about her neck—and Professor, that's as far as I got." Professor—"Well, that's quite far enough." Here's from one of our theological seminaries : Prof. in Systematic Theology, "Where is the lesson to-day, gentlemen?" Students: "It begins at good angels and goes to the Devil."
THE COLLEGE WIDOW.
Ah ! It is painfulto watch her
As she endeavors to win with the air
That captured our fathers before us,
As a lion is caught in the snare.
She's watching aud waiting for some one, Watching and waiting in vain; To freshmen she seems like a mother; To seniors she's homely and plain.
Can it be that she ever was pretty,
That her hair was golden and fine.
And her lips as red as the roses,
Afar back in the "build lang syne y"
It is plain as the phantoms surround her,
And her pride approaches its fall.
That her "amor omnia vincit"
Has proven no "vincit" at all.
— Exchange.
- Exchange.
A young lady was looking at some hosiery and asked the blushing clerk: "How do you sell those?" at the same time holding up before him a long pair of zebra-colored ones." "Those are worth five dollars a pair," he answered. "Oh, my," twittered the giddy, gushing creature, "they come pretty high, don't they?" "Y-y-e-s," stammered the bashful youth, "th-th-they come p-pret-pretty high, bu-bu-but y-y-you are pretty tall, you know!—Del. College Transcript.
They say the Vassar girls are never so happy as when allowed to go down to the river and paddle round the buoys.
Scene-Chapel. President praying and certain students studying. "Bless, we pray thee,the students now studying here." (Sensation.)
We have just read a handkerchief flirtation code, and now advise all men desiring to avoid breach-of-promise suits to wipe their noses on their coat-tails.
Freshman on debate trying to ridicule persistent growling of his opponent : "If you step on a cat's tail she will growl, especially if she is a tom-cat."
Why is a torn umbrella like a small circus? A torn umbrella makes a display of ribs; a display of ribs is a side show, and a side show is a small circus. Juniors will please discover the fallacy and report in our next.
A Freshman wrote to his father : "Dear par.I want a little change." The paternal parent replies : "Dear Charlie, just wait for it. Time brings change to everybody."
Here rests his head upon the lap of earth, a youth to fortune and to fame unknown. Too much benzine crept under his girth, and played the mischief with his temperate zone.
Only as a brother : "My teeth are full of sand," said the fairest bather in the surf. "All right, hand them out," said an admirer, "and I'll rinse them off for you." And now she regards him only as a brother.
"Violet, dearest, do you play that tune often?" asked Hugh Montressor of his afflianced. "Yes, pet, and when we are married I'll play it all the time." Then Hugh went out and shuddered himself to death.
When a handsome young wife went into a hardware store to get one of those wooden contrivances to mash potatoes, and said : "I want a masher," every man in the store from the boss to the office boy started to wait on her.
"There is plenty of room at the top," as the bald-headed man said to his full beard.
Archimedes invented the slang phrase, "Give us a rest," when he offered to move the world with his lever.
We have at last discovered what Romeo and Juliet loved—it was taffy.
Prof.—"Mr. E., do you know what you are trying to prove?" Mr. F.,—"N-no sir, but I think I can get it."
The Professor in Physiology "got off" his regular annual joke this year on the unsuspecting Freshmen. "Man is composed entirely of cells; in short, man is one great cell." After the recitation one of the ladies remarked to Mr. R., "Remember you are a sell." "Yes," be replied. "remember you are a dam-sell."
Subseribers delinquent in their subscriptions to the COURIER will please settle with the business managers at their earliest opportunity. This is the first time we have yet made a call on our student patrons, and we trust they will respond liberally.
It is reported that considerable feeling has been aroused in the University of Kansas, at Lawrence, over an invitation extended by the literary societies of that institution to Col. Robert G. Ingersoll to deliver the annual address before their members next June. Why there should be the slightest opposition we are unable to see. Kansas people have always boasted of their liberality. They have stood bravely for free speech and universal tolerance of opinion, but to object to hearing Col. Ingersoll would be an exhibition of bigotry unworthy of such a people—unworthy of any civilized community in this enlightened age. Col. Ingersoll at Lawrence would hardly obtrude his views of theology, but if he did intelligent people should not be afraid to hear him. He is the greatest orator living upon earth, and there is no place in America where he should not be welcomed. If the literary societies of the University of Kansas can induce him to appear before them they will be given such a treat as will prove an event in their history. —Kansas City Journal.