12
UNIVERSITY COURIER.
G. W. Goss and C. C. Surber, both former medical students of K. S. U., are now attending the Kansas City Medical College.
New style, plaque photos, at Mettner's.
Up to date the I.C. have initiated eight, the K.A.T.'s seven, the Deltas four, the Betas three, and the Phi Psi's two new members.
Plaque photos at Mettner's.
Not a single student has died at the University during the present or the past year.
Have you noticed Mrs. Gardner's show windows with the beautiful display of holiday goods? The K. S. U. girls can feast their optics.
The Quincy Street Club has learned to its sorrow that jokes like guns, often kick backward. The President had provided oysters, turkey and other delicacies for a rousing Thanksgiving dinner. Thursday morning the boys in fun passed a resolution that the presiding officer should pay all the extra cost out of his own pocket. Taking the matter in earnest the president, after breakfast, gathered up the dainties and returned them to the grocery. A more dumbfounded crowd than that which chewed on the hard crust of bread that noon was never seen.
FUNERAL SERMON.
Take off your hat.
Bow down the knee.
Take a last look
At Kikkabe.
Died, November 25th, 1882, Kansas Kikkabe, aged six months and twelve days.
Thus, dear friends, is closed at an early age, a peculiar sadness, after a fluttering existence of pain and misery. The cradle gives up its burthen, the grave claims its own.
Though its life was brief, its history is long and heartrending. The record of its birth states that "it was kicked into existence, named Kikkabe (screech-owl) kicked by an able-bodied opposition and kicked by midnight marauders; and we may now add that it kicked itself to death.
Out of respect for the father who is absent and the mother who is ashamed to own the infant, we omit their names. Several months before the birth of the babe, friends commenced soliciting subscriptions for an infantile wardrobe. The immediate relatives subscribed liberally. But, my beloved brethren, the way of the world is hard. A family, who at first admitted relationship, seeing that the parents were dangerously growing in self-esteem, repudiated their connection, refused assistance, and even spoke illy of the deceased.
At first the parents urged and boasted loudly that no family, who had not lived in the neighborhood at least six months, should have ought to do with the expected
offspring. Later, however, when the before mentioned family disowned connection, the father and mother asked the new neighbor to intermarry into their family but the proposal was spurned.
Next the friends applied for funds to a charitable association, called the Oread Society, and by sharp practice obtained fifteen dollars. An aid society, called the Orophilians, drove the friends angrily from their doors. Another greater association, called the Faculty, succumbed to the pitiful appeals.
Finally, on May 13th, the long expected event was announced. That evening the new-born was taken from its cradle in the mansion and thrown out doors on the campus. This, some say, was done by opponents to injure it, by others that it was an artifice of friends to gain sympathy. If we are to judge the purpose by the result, the latter was the true case. The facts were magnified and scattered. Though the babe caught a severe cold on the campus a still greater misfortune was to ensue. Because its shape offended some, the parents hacked off the limbs, with nigh fatal results. The mutilated body was doctored and rescued from immediate death. Said the parents: "While making no apology, we admit that Kikkabe is not this year what it ought to be—what it will be in the future." Since hearing Ingersoll we can assign no place for its "future," but our artist has suggested it in the below cut.
The same state of affairs it created on earth, it will probably enjoy hereafter.
But the infant suffered so much on earth, we do not desire to add one word of censure now that it is gone. And now, dear brethren, let each one of you—remembering its inception, its birth, its short life, and sad fate—draw a lesson.
A life insurance of twenty-five cents may console each of the friends. If the whereabouts of any of the relatives is known, please send them the news that they may save the body from an unknown grave in the potter's field.
Now, the audience will rise and sing the following hymn, after which each will have an opportunity of viewing the remains:
"Nothing but leaves! No gathered sheaves,
Of life's fair ripening grain,
They sowed their seeds; lo! tares and weeds Words, idle words, for earnest deeds.
They reap with toil and pain.
Nothing but leaves! nothing but leaves!"