10
THE STUDENTS JOURNAL.
himself a conceit that had caused him, at his very first entrance into public life, to make a fool of himself.
And when the absurdity of his position flashed upon him, he had not the strength of will to bear up under it. Did he feel responsible for his work? Did he realize the selfishness of shifting his own burden to other people's shoulders? Society, too, had some claim upon him for having acknowledged his editorial ability. Did he recognize that? Doubtless something of all these thoughts was present in his consciousness, but not with sufficient force to make itself felt; it tended merely to produce a feeling of unpleasantness. The one thought distinct and foremost in his mind, was escape from the ludicrous position. That had always been the primal instinct of his nature. When he stood before his mother, his mind full of the thought of running away from his post, she thought she read in his face the signs of over-work; what she really saw was an ardent appeal to her to tell him that he needed rest. And when she laid her hand caressingly upon his head, and said: "Dear boy, you are working too hard, go into the country and have a little rest," he believed she was uttering her own, genuine sentiments; what he really heard was the expression of his own desire. A flash of sympathy had transferred it to her mind.
In the country the Editor had plenty of time to regard his conduct from all points of view. A day or two of idleness is quite sufficient to turn the thoughts inside out. In all his life the Editor never experienced such mental activity as he did in those few days. When he walked alone in the woods, and heard the birds singing, and looked at the beautiful colors of trees and sky, he was seized with such a revulsion of feeling that he could find relief only in the ridiculously inartistic decorations of the "spare chamber" he was occupying. He felt like a fool; but why should he? Ought a keen appreciation of what is beautiful ever to produce a feeling of disgust? Ah, but examine carefully this keen appreciation of beauty; what is it? In the Editor's ease, it was merely a feeling for natural beauty, combined with a desire for subjective goodness. For twenty-three years he had been climbing this height of Be Good. It had been a solitary walk: alone with himself and nature he had lead a self-centred life: he had
excluded humanity. And when he was almost at the top of the glorious height, when he seemed just about to reach the summit of self-absorbtion, some one in the valley below threw a stone at him-called him a "prig" and down he fell from the height of Be Good into the valley Fellowmen.
The revulsion of feeling was natural. The real trouble with the Editor was, that there had been too much feeling and too little thought. He saw now that to "be good," was a passive state, probably only to be realized by doing good.
And having reached this stage in his mental revolution, the Editor had still to consider the practical question of what he was going to do. He had a paper on his hands that he had established for a definite object. That object had dwindled into nothingness, but society could not realize it, because society had not realized the object. The paper must continue And then the Editor remembered that others beside himself had a purpose in the paper; that its existence, in fact, had been proposed by some one else. Perhaps Miss Blackburn would again come to his assistance. He felt quite sure, now, that she was discharging his editorial duties while he was away, although, before he left, he tried to make himself believe that all the work would not devolve upon her. It might, however be a good thing: he would see what she was going to do.
He would go back, then—in a few days—and take up his duties. He would continue his work—in a few days—and change the plan of it so gradually that no one would ever know the revolution he had passed through. He did not know now what his plans would be, but he would trust to circumstances and get ideas from other people. And Mildred? She should never know he had heard that ugly little word "prig."
Economic Seminary.
The postponed meeting of the Seminary listened to interesting reports on current economic literature by B.B. Breese and C. R.Troxel.The report of the latter, being a review of the articles of Wilson and Reed in the October North American Review, was especially interesting in the light of the election the day before.
At the next meeting, on Monday the 12th. M.L Alden, C.T.Southwick, and Mr. Hackney, will present reports.