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THE STUDENTS JOURNAL
twelve per cent. of one's enjoyment of a joke comes from the pleasure of hearing it, and the other eighty-seven to ninety-one per cent. comes from the joy of springing the joke in turn upon some one who has not heard it. It is human nature to take a fiendish delight in the sight of a fellow mortal writhing in agony over some joke of which we are the perpetrators, so I am painfully in doubt as to the integrity of the motives that prompt me to indulge in this column.
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国家税务局监制
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While the A. A. A. eating club was still in the incipient stage, some one suggested that the steward had purchased a milch cow for the club. "Is that so?" eagerly inquired the newspaper man; "Mr. Steward, cough up that cow!"
I think the club never fully recovered from that cruel blow. One of the boys tried to equal it one day by announcing that "Prof. Canfield sat down on a girl to-day for misbehavior," but the attempt was immediately greeted with a silence so sepulchral that you could have heard it a block, and no one mustered courage for another "break" until after Dr. Corwin asked in his Hawaiian lecture if "it is proper for Mr. Cleveland to take Queen Lil. up in his arms and set her upon the Hawaiian throne."
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"Mrs. X told me the other day," said the Funny Man, "that a well known Sigma Chi, who is not in school this year, boarded with her last year. He left a Bible and a pair of skates at her house when he went away. He sent for the skates last summer, but she doesn't think he has missed his Bible yet."
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"I see by the bulletin board that the Kent club is going to settle the great questions as to whether slavery should be abolished and whether "The pen is mightier than the sword," announced the old school teacher a few weeks ago, heaving a sigh of supreme relief.
"You can't rely on that bulletin board," replied the club beauty, "even on the subject of calling. for your V at the office."
"Nor can you rely upon signs bidding you call at the office and obtain a guide," added someone who evidently visits the realm where, as Prof. Robinson says, Pluto and the janitor and other divinities reign.
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"Prof. Adams spoke in our history class to-day of a certain county in Ireland, which runs north along the coast, and stops at Cork;" came from the man from the Big seventh, and one of the class responded: "That's very natural, a cork is always a stopper."
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"Where is the missing link this morning?" "Hsaid he didn't feel like coming to breakfast. He called on his High school girl last evening and soon after he had arrived the girl's mother said: 'Can't you play the piano for Mr. L., Maudie?' "Why, mamma," frankly replied the girl, "I am afraid he might stay, if I did so." L. said he doesn't feel like eating any breakfast this morning."
THE COLLEGE WORLD.
ART.
The heart of man aye hungers through the years
For tender sympathy with its smiles and tears.
For that kind soothing touch benethen whose thrill
The soul looks up ennobled to God's will
The lonely labor of some stricken one at night
An unnamed angel's fingers mark with living light
Like morn 'dew-mirrored in each to grtired heart—
A kiss of heaven's own loving—and we call it Art.
—H. C. C. in McMicken Review.
HEALTH IS WEALTH.
A rounded cheek.
Where the roses speak.
Of a soil that is rich for thriving.
And a bosom so grand
That the wings expand.
Ill health of the body detying.
A breath like moon
When the crimson dawn
Is less, in the dewy sweetness.
A manner bright,
And a spirit light.
That show joy in its own completeness.
Oh, give me these—
Nature's own gifts—
And keep all your golden treasures;
For what is wealth
Compared with health.
Attended by its pleasures.
—Sadie Kimball in University Chronicle!
"The butcher's bill" of the last football season in England has been compiled by a gentleman in that country who kept as close a record as possible by reading the newspapers, and it fcots up a total of twenty three, not counting three other cases where death was ascribed to illness incurred on the football field. The Nation.
The debating societies of Yale and Harvard will compete on neutral ground at Newport, by the invitation of the leading literary club of that city.
The girls of Smith College had a "Hare and Hound Chase" recently, in which fourteen girls ran thirteen miles.
The late Mrs. E. Shute has bequeathed to Lynn, Mass., the town in which she lived, $100,000 for a public library building.
At Union College chapel, attendance is to count the same as one-hour-a-week recitation in the selection of honor men.
The library of the University of Wisconsin is used at night by the students, the building being thoroughly lighted by electricity.
An examination was taking place for those wishing to enter Snail college, and according to custom one of the examiners took up his watch in one of the upper galleries. Thus, unseen by the students he had a view of every desk. Noticing one man cheating, he rang the bell and spoke thus "If the man who has been copying for the last twenty minutes will get up and leave the room, no further notice will be taken of the matter." A pause—then eighteen rose and departed.—Vogue.
The Oxford Magazine furnishes some statistics—whence collected we know not—with regard to those who were in attendance at Oxford from 1880 to 1882. The total number of matriculations was 2,289, of whom 589 never took their degrees. Out of 1,708 who did graduate, 565 are now clergymen, 225 lawyers, 76 solicitors, and 27 doctors.
Fresh Candies. Oysters.
FRUITS, SODA, ETC. Wm.Wiedemann.
STUDENTS,
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