24
Kansas University Weekly.
the old lady had to compromise by choosing the one that displeased her the least.
Leaving the wall-paper department with convulsive heaves of her expansive chest, the old lady inspects the samples of borders. But finding no border with "curley-cues" on it she again said, "O dear me" with great lengthening of the vowels of these three words. So, as in the case of the wall paper, she had to select the border that displeased her the least. But the clerk going to the rack found no border corresponding to the sample and the old lady hearing this said.
"I might 'a knowed it. Now I can't have the border I want. O-o-o-o d-e-e-e-a-r m-e-e-e-e- Just as you see things fizzle here, just so my whole life goes. O dear—why was I ever born? (louder) Lemme get a look at that batch o' borders! Why don't you keep enough for a body to use? (goes to the rack) O-o-o-o d-e-e-a-r m-e-e-e- it don't make much difference whether I get a pretty border or not,'-taint much use o' me carrying wall paper home-if the house don't burn itself down afore I get there I know sometein' else 'll happen, 'cause everything goes contrariwise with me. I did have some pretty paper on the wall but it all faded out (sighs) O-o-o-o d-e-e-e-a-r m-e-e-e-e-house-cleaning time has come——(louder) I don't like spring I don't——but it comes just the same. Then I have to potter around a truck garden-(sighs.)"
The clerk offers consolation but it only arouses the memory of old woes and glad to find someone who will listen to her misfortunes, she says.
"You don't know how miserable my life is. It would kill an ordinary woman. O dear, I believe I'm hoodooed. Last year I planted cabbage in my back yard and a lot o' nasty green worms came and chewed 'em all over Everything goes contrariwise—wind blew down all my bean poles—(sighs) O-o-o-o d-e-e-e-a-r m-e-e-e—woman next door took cabbage-heads to market—mine all died. Why this very morning my fire just died out all of a sudden an I had to make it all over again—pore miserable one—stove won't draw and when I turn the damper down the chimney burns out. Why does everything go contrariwise with me?"
Flap, flap, flap, go the pages of the sample book. "O, dear, dear," says the old lady and she adds pathos to these words by drawing her breath as she speaks them. At last she says cheerily.
"Well here's a border that's middlin' fair, but the figger looks like the bone in a sirloin steak. O well, I'll take it. I'm not the least bit pertickler about things. What's the use 'o tryin' when everything goes contrariwise? Well, wrap this bundle up."
While the clerk is tying up the paper he remarks that it is raining.
"O-o-o-o d-e-e-e-a-r m-e-e-e-e-e—just cause I came up town! Now I'll get a crick in my back an' nothing 'll kyore me—yes its just pourin' down—that fool hen o' mine 'll drown all her chickens afore I get there. O well, no matter—they'd all die o' the gaps anyhow—my chickens just lay theirselves down and die sometimes just 'cause I own 'em—find three or four dead in the coop some mornings-O miserable me—old domernick hen tuck to crowin' last week. I know that means more bad luck—but I never complain. (Cheerily) Well, I want this bundle sent to my house across the river."
The clerk informs her that goods are not delivered in that part of the city.
"O dear, I might 'a knowed that—(louder) I'll make that overgrown boy o' mine come after it—great, big, lazy, good-for-nothin'boy-takes after his father—(faintly) O-o-o d-e-e-a-r, see that rain-bed-quilts all out on the shed roof all their color'll run now—they'll all be miljewed afore I ever get 'em dry again. (Starts for the door and sees a street-car dash by) there goes my car! Now I'll have to walk home and get struck by lightning on the bridge. O dear, dear, dear, everything goes contrariwise with me." SYDNEY PRENTICE.
Johnson & Johnson,
Fresh and Meats, Cured
Poultry and Game.
Prompt Delivery and Fair Treatment. 830 Mass. St.