PAGE SIX
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN, LAWRENCE, KANSAS
MONDAY, MAY 15, 1950
The Editors Report —
THE HIGH PRICE OF
Holding A Job
The three men in the room looked up as the brash young reporter burst through the door and shouted, "What's the news today?" Judging from the eagerness with which the young cub bounded over the threshold, he evidently had just received notice of a two-dollar raise "come payday if you keep on the ball this week."
Yet the men in the room—not knowing of the cub's possible windfall—seemed less than enchanted at his arrival. They had been deep in serious discussion when the unwelcome interloper burst in on them. Now, by turns, they regarded him with looks of disgruntlement, boredom, and bewilderment.
Summer Slicker, a somewhat superannuated economist—he never failed to mention he had been one of the original "Rooseveltian brain-dusters"—but a sage man nevertheless, looked at the newcomer and wished he would leave immediately. Ever since the time a careless reporter had spelled his first name Simmer instead of Summer, Slicker had always distrusted "newspapermen." From the way Slicker mouthed the word, you knew right off that he used "newspapermen" because his innate courteous nature forbade him using stronger language.
As inaudibly as he could, Slicker sighed as Secretary of Unemployed Robot boomed out a hearty greeting to the young man. He gently rubbed his temples while he waited for Robin to get rid of the "news-paperman." Slicker was eager to get on with their talk. After fifteen years of silently suffering the indignity of being ignored, the plan dearest to Summer's heart was at last about to go into effect.
Somehow, the brash "newspaperman" has gotten wind of Slicker's plan. He was now asking Robot what it was all about.
"From a reliable source," the newspaperman said, "I understand that Professor Slicker's plan is due to start next Monday. Would you care to fill in the details for me? We've got five million readers waiting to find out all about it!"
As the newspaperman uttered the last sentence, he attempted a light laugh. Yet, as usual, his listeners had the feeling the reporter was using the "five million readers" as a sort of poling-ax. If you didn't tell him what he wanted to know, you'd get the poling-ax across the head...
Robot boomed out his hearty laugh as the young man left off talking. Slicker started involuntarily and looked around; he never had been able to reconcile that booming laugh with Robot's rotund potbelly and weak chin. Robot's laugh, Slicker thought, was about as well suited to the man as was his—Slicker's—wife's mania for South American dances. Summer sighed again, as inaudibly as possible, at the thought of his wife doing the samba in a smoke-filled cabaret.
Slicker sat up and tried his best to look interested as Robot began filling in the background of his—Slicker's—plan. After a decent interval, he broke in, saying, "My dear Secretary Robot, suppose you let me tell the dear lad what we were just discussing?"
Robot boomed out his laugh
again — not quite as heartily this time, told Slicker to go right ahead, then made him wait while he saw to it that the reporter got Summer Slicker spelled out correctly. Slicker smiled appreciatively at the gesture. He did so dislike having his name misspelled.
The reporter jotted *down* the name, then looked up brightly at Slicker and told him, "Shoot." And Slicker, choosing his words carefully, began outlining his plan.
"As you most likely already know," Slicker began, "we now have some ten million persons above 65 years of age in this country. Approximately ninety per cent of these persons are still employable. However, as the present state of affairs exist, government has combined with management to force these "employables" to retire.
"Many have no wish to do so. After working all their lives, they wish to continue. Yet it is now the habit, willy-nilly, of most employers to force, willy-nilly, all employables, on their reaching the age of 65, to retire.
"It is to correct this unpleasant situation," Slicker continued, "that I devised my plan. The purpose of the "Slicker Plan to Retain Retirable Employables in Employment" is to give employables past the retirement age an opportunity to stay on the job.
"Since the passage of the Social Security Act in 1935, there has been an enormous acceleration in the retirement of employables past 65. Indeed, it was the purpose of this act of our Congress to enable employables past 65 to retire.
"Yet that which was designed to enable employables to retire has now attained the stature of a mandate to retire!" (Slicker unsuccessfully tried to put a bit more emphasis in his voice on this point.) "Congress, of course, did not foresee this frightful possibility."
"Still," Slicker went on, "something must be done to correct the situation as it exists today. That is what my plan shall do.
"Briefly, this is how the plan will operate: let us assume that an employable has worked long enough to attain forty quarters of social security benefits. Arbitrarily, let us say he has a monthly pension of $500 a month due him for the rest of his life.
"Our employable, now at the age of 65, has decided he would rather continue working than to retire on his small monthly income from social security insurance. Yet our employable realizes he cannot continue to work. His employer, willy-nilly, has formulated the policy of forcing all his employees to retire on their attaining the age of 65.
"Previously, there would be no alternative for our employable. He would, willy-nilly, have to retire. But under the 'Slicker Plan to Retain Retireable Employables in Employment,' our employable does indeed have an alternative.
"It is simply this; our employable turns over fifty per cent of his monthly pension—which he will receive after the age 65 from social security benefits—to his employer in return for the privilege of retaining his employment.
"Thus, the employable may have
his wish to stay in employment and the employer is given an incentive for retiring him. No employer can say he wishes to retire an employable because the employable's age has reduced the employable's productivity, when the employable himself is willing to refund the employer a portion of his social security benefits to recompense the employer for any possible loss due to the employable loss of productivity! It is as simple as that!"
The brash young reporter made a few inquiries to clear up a point or two that he was uncertain of. Then smiling brightly, he flew out of the room. Through the open door, they heard his voice telling the elevator operator to "give it the full throttle for I've got a hot story to get on the press!"
For a moment, the three men sat around the table in silence. But at last, the third man in the room spoke. He had been silent during the entire time the reporter had been there and so had gone unnoticed. His name was S. E. McNility. He was chairman of the "League for Retaining Employables Past Retirement Age in Employment."
"Slicker," said McNillity, then amended his rough English, "Professor Slicker. I have been going over in my mind what we were talking about before that young feller came in like the wind.
"Let me see if I have it right. You were suggesting that employables should begin recompensing employers as soon as they start working so that the drain on their social security benefits would be less than when they reach 65. Is that what you said?"
Slicker allowed himself the brief pleasure of a wide-mouthed grin before replying seriously, "Yes, dear fellow, that it's it. You see..."
Editor's note: We thought we would let you see what we consider the editorial of tomorrow will look like. Today's editorial was inspired —we use the term for lack of a better— by a story headed, "Government Bonus to Keep Men on Job After 65 Gains Favor."
For further details, we suggest you write your Congressman. A plan identical to the one in our editorial was proposed to Congress more than two months ago.
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