PAGE TWO
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN, LAWRENCE, KANSAS
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 1950
Elmer Zilch Offers Advice On Examinations To Students
By FRED BROOKS
Elmer Zileh, the ubiquitous patron saint of the journalist, sends word via his personal representative. Mighty Joe Young, that he will give two tickets to Miss Margaret Truman's next concert if some enterprising student will supply him with a title for his new book.
Not exactly an honor student during his under graduate days at Vassar, Elmer draws on years and years of personal experience for his book. Just to give you an inkling of the value of such a handbook for the struggling student, he has modestly obliged us with four sure-fire techniques for sliding by final exams.
Last heard from selling ice to the Eskimos, Elmer is not the least bit abashed because he has not yet found a publisher intrepid enough to put his controversial masterpiece in print. Elmer's would-be book-of-the-month deals chiefly with ways and means of circumventing final inquisitions, which in English means-cheating.
Of course, the simplest way is to surreptitiously peer over your neighbor's shoulder and transcribe his answers. Elmer was always good at this because he is as shifty as they come. However, this method is not worth two hoots in you know where if your neighbor is as confounded as you by the intricacies of the course.
For the women, Zileh recommends the time-honored crib-notes-written-on-knee technique. This proven method is virtually 100 per cent foolproof. No reputable professional tests are required self to peek while a young co-led coyly lifts her dress over a shapely knee.
Of course, now and then an unscrubulous professor will catch the knee act for all its worth then turn the co-in at the end of the show.
The bird-legged women, however, are at a distinct disadvantage with this technique. The skimpy expanse of their knee would permit only the briefest of crib notes.
Another idea, which Zilch bashfully admits stealing from a national picture magazine a few years back, is the specially-constructed watch with the notes concealed in the face. The notes are installed the same as film in a camera, and the wearer can turn to fresh copy by merely winding his watch. This helpful little gadget is perhaps the greatest invention of the industrial revolution and marks another mile-post in the evolution of modern education.
When the instructor's back is turned, the student slips the exam questions out of the window. The accomplice, who pays his tuition through fees received for this service, quickly fills in the answers and returns them in a western union envelope. In the message, marked urgently, is delivered to who innocently becomes a dupe in the scheme when he hands it to the student. If the student can read, this system is unbeatable.
But perhaps the most ingenious method of all, which Zilch swears is original with him, is the fake telegram idea. Here the final exam victim must (1) have an accomplice who got "A" in the course without cheating (2) make sure the quiz will be held in a first floor room (3) arrange to sit near an open window.
Telegraph Boy Will World In His Stocking Feet
Grand Rapids, Mich., (U.P.)-Telegraph bov Peter Wiering, 21. will start delivering telegrams in apartment buildings in his stocking feet.
His boss was afraid he'd awaken people by clopping through the halls in his wooden shoes, and ordered him to shed them when Wiering reused to change his footwear.
"Wooden shoes are much warrier." the youth said.
University Daily Kansan
Mall subscription: $3 a semester, $4.50 year, in Lawrence add $1.00 a semester stage). Published in Lawrence, Kans., very afternoon during the University ar except Saturdays and Sundays, University ar except Saturdays and Sundays entered as se and else matter Sept. 17, 116, at the Post Office at Lawrence ans, under of March 3, 1879.
UMW Expects Lewis Veto
Washington, Feb. 3—(U.P.)—John L. Lewis today offered to resume contract negotiations with all mine owners, but union sources predicted he would turn down President Truman's plea for a 70-day "no-strike" agreement.
Other union sources said he would ignore or reject Mr. Truman's request for 70 days of "normal production" while a special-finding board investigates the dispute and makes settlement recommendations.
The Northern and Western operators accepted shortly after they arrived. Other big mine owners are expected to agree today or Saturday.
A United Mine Workers spokesman said Lewis "still wants to bargain" on a new contract even though Northern and Western operators broke off their talks Thursday.
Mr. Truman reiterated at his new conference Thursday that he will use the politically-distasteful Taft-Hartley law with its provision for an 80-day anti-strike injunction when an emergency develops.
The president asked Lewis and the industry to reply to this proposal by 5 p.m., E.S.T. Saturday.
When the negotiations collapsed, Lewis angrily accused the operators of trying to create an emergency and force Mr. Truman to step in with a Taft-Hart-Union would continue its fight contract that will not "put the miners in state of servility."
White House aides have said he would invoke the law if either Lewis or the industry turns down his truce proposal.
George H. Love, spokesman for the operators, said producers broke off the negotiations because the union "still clings to its desire to control production and to decree how many days the mines may work, regardless of market demand."
Read the Daily Kansan daily.
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'Battle Of The Bands' To Be Saturday
Five bands will be heard from 9 p.m. to midnight Saturday in the "battle of the bands" to be held in the Union ballroom and the Palm room.
Sponsored by Alpha Delta Sigma, professional advertising fraternity, the dance will also carry an advertising theme. Samples of various programs produced by the company producing them, will be distributed to the guests.
successful in many colleges and universities. Dancing will be continuous, with small instrumental groups furnishing music while one band leaves and another sets up.
Charles Steeper, journalism junior, who is in charge of the arrangements, said that the plan has been
for spring prints it's
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A fine selection of the World's Great Books in a convenient size, attractively printed and bound. 267 titles at $1.25. 73 Giants at $2.45. For Gifts, for your own library, for classroom use.
Don't get excited, Buster, they're just rehearsing their part for "SWEETHEARTS" to be held in Fraser Theater at 8:15 p.m. on February 6, 7, 8, and 10. 75c per person.