DECEMBER 14, 1945
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN, LAWRENCE, KANSAS
PAGE SEVEN
Christmas (Ouch) Simply Must Be (Ouch) Abolished, Othman Ouches
BY FREDERICK C. OTTMAN
(United Press Staff Correspondent)
among officialsdom to do my shopping early (Lady, I did not either pinch you) and the result was not good.
Washington. (UP)—Christmas has got to be abolished else our government is going to collapse in a welter of crunched jingle bells, hysterical federal stenographers, wrecked department stores, and sweating Santa Clauses. I know about this (Lady, get off my foot) because I went out
Thirty-eight extra plain clothes cops and copesses were on the prowl for shoplifters, whom they did not find, because the店lifters didn't (Lady, quit poking my ribs) find anything to lift.
The capital's Christmas merchandise, $7,000,000 worth at latest estimates, was (Lady, I am not a floorwalker) piled in terminal warehouses because of a truck strike eight weeks old. Only the customers were in oversupply and you should have heard 'em (Lady, take it easy) snarl.
Perfume there was plenty of, and $700 wrist watches. There was a voice shouting in the center of a mob on the main aisle, step lively, make it snappy, hold onto the rail. This belonged (Lady, will you please quit pushing) to a little guy who was trying to make the people line up so they wouldn't break their necks on the escalator.
The second floor, lingerie, toys for tots, and Santa Claus, was like a bad (Lady, I have no little boy) dream. Santa Claus whiskers kept getting unstuck. Toys for tets consisted principally of rag dolls at $3.99. (Lady, I don't know where are the phonograph needles) and as for lingerie, whoie.
Peace and good will towards men have not yet descended on the limile department. It is a woman's world and all the women in it are sore at everybody else (Lady, get your hands off my nightgown) and in particular at dolts in pants (Lady, this is MY nightgown).
This department operates like a cafeteria. Grab a black nightgown with lace on it (Lady, have a heart) and hunt for a clerk who writes the price on a slip. Elbow then through a room full of ladies clutching unmentionables and stand in line to pay.
The cashier hands over a receipt and the gown (Lady, go get your own nightgown). Stand in line again to get it wrapped. Fight through the ladies with pink things in their fists, line up to go down, and then-I swear it—line up to get outside.
That's the first peacetime Christmas in the capital as of now. I've got a rumpled nightgown in a paper sack to present my bride. She'll smile like she thinks it's wonderful, but she'll think to herself that all men are dopes; her husband in particular.
I think we'd better abolish Christmas before (Lady, I've got bundles of my own to get across the street) it is too late.
Our government can't survive many more days of this.
Memorial Financing To Be Discussed
Plans for financing the War Memorial drive and carillon will be discussed at a meeting of the Mo.
Temporal association at 10 am. Saturday in 222 Frank Strong hall.
Letters requesting gifts are being sent to alumni this week. Fred Elsworth, secretary of the Alumni association, said today.
Washington. (UP)—In the courts martial trial of Cort. Charles B. McVity, Jr. Crumpler also Blaschimelo said today that Haitian Japanese submarine scored at least three direct torpedo hits on the cruiser Indianopolis last July 30.
Statewide Committee
To Send Jayhawkers To Kansas Schools
"A Jayhawker magazine in every Kansas high school" is the goal of the Statewide Activities commission this year, county chairmen decided at a meeting in Strong Auditorium.
Sending out the bound magazines will cost $1317, according to Edwin Browne, director of public relations, who presented the plan. Anne Scott, chairman, asked each county chairman to suggest or sponsor projects to raise money in his own locality.
Fred Ellsworth, secretary of the alumni association, explained the need for promoting good will and how it might be done. Chancellor Deane W. Malott spoke of the value the commission's activities has had in advertising the University.
K-State Sponsors Third Food Confer ge
Manhattan, (UP)—The 12th annual food conference will be held at Kansas State college Thursday and Friday under the joint sponsorship of the state department of agriculture and the college. About 100 feed manufacturers, dealers and distributors were expected to attend.
The conference will include talks and discussion periods covering new developments in the field industry, postwar outlook, nutritive requirements of farm animals, feedstuff laws and regulations, sales promotion and similar topics.
Speakers will include state agricultural officers and college staff members. Others will be Ralph
Houston, Tex. (UP)—The district attorney's office announced today it was issuing no "beat your wife" permits after turning down its first request.
At Least He Tried To Make It Legal
A Negro appeared at the office yesterday and explained:
"Ah wont a permit to beat muh wife. Some of muh friends tole me if ah came down here, you could give me one."
Under questioning he elaborated:
Brown, president of the Ark Valley Alfalfa mills of Hutchinson; Carl Hedrick, Newton; Phil W. Lord vice-president of the Kansas Soybean mills at Emporia, and W. L Drake, Humboldt miller.
grazinging he embrorated:
"She can't keep house so good,
she's lazy and today she burned
the cornbread. What she needs is a
good old-fashioned beating."
VARSITY
TODAY — Ends Saturday
SUNSET CARSON
In 1700 French adventurers visited Doniphan, Kansas.
"Rough Riders of Cheoyenne"
and
"Follow That Woman"
SUNDAY Thru Tuesday CURWOOD'S "Northwest Trail"
"The Falcon in San Francisco"
Just a Few Suggestions
WEDNESDAY - Thursday "TOPPER"
Gifts to Wear
For Men
SPORT COATS
LEISURE COATS
LEATHER COATS
WOOL JACKETS
Wool Lined Twill JACKETS
ROBES
Combination Wool and
Leather JACKETS
ZELAN JACKETS
Wool Lined Twill JACKETS
Combination Wool and
MUFFLERS
HOSIERY
TIES
BELTS
SUSPENDERS
HOUSE SLIPPERS
SWEATERS
TOILET SETS
FITTED or UNFITTED
CASES
FITTED or UNFITTED CASES
811 Mass. St.
Washington, (UP)—The Veterans administration said today Winter General hospital, Topeka, will become a center for teaching neuropsychiatrics to VA physicians.
Winter General To Be Neuropsychiatric Center
The hospital has just been acquired by VA from the army.
The teaching center will be under direction of Dr. Karl A. Menninger, psychiatrist and author, He and his brother, Brig. Gen. William C. Menniger, now operate a clinic in Topcks.
At present, 59 per cent of patients in veterans hospitals are neuropsychiatric cases.
GRANADA
Shows 2:30 - 7:00 - 9:00
NOW
RETURNED! BY DEMAND
The F.B.I.'s own story of
the protection of the secret
of the Atomic Bomb!
LLOYD NOLAN
-WM. EYTHE
SIGNE HASSO
Also COLOR CARTOON Tom and Jerry in "Flirty Birdy"
VARIETY - LATEST NEWS
Owl Show Sat. 11:45
SUNDAY 4 DAYS
AGATHA CHRISTIE'S Best Selling Masterpiece of Mystery
FIRST THERE WERE TEN...
1944 Academy Award
Winner
BARRY
FITZGERALD
Walker
HUSTON
Louis HAYWARD
Drinks on the House
Added
COLOR CARTOON - NEWS
Terre Haute, Ind. (UP)—Drinks were on the proprietor in a Terre Haute tavern after he had rebuked a soldier for walking over to a woman at one of the tables and giving her a very thorough kiss, "No necking here," cautioned the proprietor. His face grew red as the soldier explained he had just returned from overseas, had surprised his wife, and that he was the father of five boys.
JUST ONE MORE DAY!
TODAY
AND
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
LIMITED ENGAGEMENT
4 DAYS ONLY
THE ATOMIC BOMBSHELL OF LAUGHTER