Special Zilch Edition
Daily Kansan
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN, LAWRENCE, KANSAS
TUESDAY, APRIL 21, 1942
PAGE EIGHT
Pictured is the palatial home of Elmer A. Zilch as he snapped it just before leaving on his extended trip to Lawrence, Kansas, for the annual Zilch Award Dinner. The Zilch Zadruga, as it is known to natives of Tibet, has been the home of the Zilch clan since the middle 14th century. This modest little hovel is complete with furnishings of the period of Clansman Elmer A. Zilch the XIII.
Dear "Elmer"
Recalls Good Ol' Days
As I look out over the wide deserted spaces of the Kansan newsroom, which stretches before me now, it is a little hard to realize that here is a place, which, once filled with a teeming, hurly-burly population, is now scarcely inhabited. Why, one can walk through now, and never step on a single reporter lying unconscious where he was dropped in his tracks by a "pig" thrown by the accurate arm of an anirate managing editor.
An Open Letter
Remember the fun we used to have with the type lice? Especially the time right after you discovered them, when you turned a bunch loose in K. W. Davidson's coat and they ate through and he gave his landlady hell for letting bed bugs run rampant in the house. They finally had to tear that place down, didn't they?
I will now make that trite statement, "Those were the good old days, weren't they, old man?" But they were. Honest, it's gotten so that the m.e. doesn't even dare look at a reporter without smiling. Sometimes, even getting down on his knees isn't enough to get in copy to fill the paper. Why, we used to take a reporter's whiskey a way from him if he so much as asked for an extra piece of copy paper. Golliver Goon once spent a semester in the hospital as a result of
sneering into one of the campus editors' face. Now it's just the opposite.
Well, no use bemoaning the past. I'm anxious to see you when you arrive for that banquet we're giving in your honor, so we can recapture some of the spirit of the "good old days." Take good care of that cherry bounce, and when you get here, we'll show these young fellows a few things.
I just remembered something I've wanted to suggest. Why don't we take over the Kansan horseshoe desk for a while and show the staff some discipline. I hope you've still got those Chinese thumbscrews, that Olde English rack, those old Indian tomahawks, and all those other little persuaders you once told me about. We'll make those reporters get their copy in.
I hope you'll forgive me for getting off on old times. I really want to extend the most hearty of welcomes, as I know the entire department would like me to speak for them. They are all waiting impatiently for banquet time. You know, many of them have never seen you before, and there is quite a lot of guessing as to what a man of your ability will look like. (If they only knew.)
Your fellow type louse hunter of days gone by.
L. N. Flint
No Soap in Eudora
★★★
Zilch Stymied
Eudora, Kans. —(By the Kansan's Boom Town Correspondent)—Elmer A. Zilch, who said he had an hour to spare before he arrived at Lawrence for the Annual Zilch Award dinner, stopped here late this afternoon to look over the proposed site for the U. S. Government ordnance plant to be erected soon.
It has been reported that the great Zilch investigated the possibilities of establishing a string of bootlegging establishments here, but was bodily thrown out of town by one "Tom," whom no one seemed able to identify.
Bulletins on Zilch
"Ah, this is great country," the great Lama of the Linotype is reported to have exclaimed as he drank in the full bodied flavor, and the exquisite heavenly aroma of a tall glass of Kansas beer, "but already I'm homesick for the wilds of Tibet where nobody gives a (censored) whether I (censored) or (censored)."
When asked if he intended to have a rip-roaring good time tonight, the masterful Zilch merely smiled the ghost of a smile, winked, and said, "Wait and see."
Zilch and Friend in New Orleans' Blackout
In Barroom
Find A Zilch Manuscript
By HORACE TARWATER
By HORACE TARWATER
Tuesday, April 21 (PU FEATURE)
—A group of college stumps on a bit of a spree some weeks ago unknowingly unearthed a valuable first manuscript of the lost "When Knighthood was in Bloom" or "Ten Knights in a Barroom" by Elmer A. Zilch. It is impossible to tell how
(continued to page five)
The Gulf Town of New Orleans as Zilch saw it immediately upon climbing from the conning tower of U-Boat 86 after a hazardous trip from Rio de Janeiro.
Pinehill, Arkansas. (Special to the Kansan.)—An aged farmer near here today reported that he sighted the luxuriant Zilch land-yacht going through town at 7:45 this morning. The sides of the trailer were labelled prominently with the name of the famous journalist, and left no doubt in the mind of this simple observer, who copied down the letters on the back of an old shirt and had them deciphered for him by the village schoolmaster. Unless some major disaster occurs, it is practically assured that Zilch will arrive in time for the Second Annual Award Dinner tonight.
Oklahoma City, Okla. (By the Kansan's correspondent)—Elmer A. Zilch, world-famed journalist, and discoverer of type lice, arrived in Oklahoma City early this afternoon. His arrival came as a surprise to veteran newsmen, who expected him here on the return trip. He gave as the reason for his detour the excellence of a Bourbon whiskey made illegally in the hills near here.
He was in town only 24 minutes, leaving immediately for Lawrence.
Eldorado, Kans. (By Western Union)—Elmer A. Zilch, wealthy proponent of personal journalism, inventor of the Zilch Zippy Linotype, and old-time editor of the New York Daily Peep and Bleat, stopped today in Eldorado long enough to purchase two oil wells and fill his automobile with gasoline.
Emporia, (By a staff correspondent)—Elmer A. Zilch, respected ladestar of journalism, stopped today at the office of the Emporia Gazette, where he hoped to gain an interview with William Allen White. White, being in New York, was unable to give audience to his fellow journalist, but it is reported that the two conversed by telephone at some length.
Zilch arrived in Emporia at 3:30 this afternoon, and left around 4 o'clock.
Saddlebag, Kans. (By the Kansan's Saddlebag correspondent)—The entire equipment of Elmer A. Zilch, prominent Tibetan journalist, and godfather of K. U. journalists was demolished today when a fast east-bound train hit the trailer. Zilch, driving at the time, was uninjured, and will proceed to Lawrence by horse, which he bought for a phenomenal sum from a nearby farmer. He expressed his determination to be in Lawrence by 6:15 this evening.
ZILCH TONIGHT!!