PAGE SIX
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN, LAWRENCE, KANSAS
WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 17, 1941
The KANSAN Comments...
GAS-BUGGY GABRIELS
"The old order changeth, yielding place to new, and God fulfills Himself in many ways, lest one good custom should corrupt the world."—Tennyson's Morte d'Arthur.
Think of the countless advantages autoists will have when this baby reaches maturity, and has a full-size keyboard, suitable for playing any type of music. Perhaps an auto horn concerto in four flats will be given in Carnegie Hall, and jitterbugs will gyrate to the latest blast-horn boogie woogie. When drivers are caught in traffic jams or are held up by a slow freight, instead of cursing and fidgeting, they can amuse themselves with music, even play rounds with other autoists. Children can be kept happy on long trips by honking out merry tunes.
These lines are strangely significant regarding the transformation that is taking place under the hood of today's automobile. Gone is the old type of auto horn, with its bleat like a banshee singing the blues. In its place is the new musical horn, operated by a keyboard on the steering column. While these models have only about four keys, and produce simple tunes like "Old Black Joe" or "Sweet Adeline," we must remember that the musical horn is in its infancy.
And suppose disaster strikes. A blowout, the car skids wildly, catapults into a ditch, and dust boils up from the wreckage. A battered hand emerges from the debris, painfully gropes for the keyboard, and honks out the "Miserere" while rigor mortis sets in. Autos will pass the scene with the fox tails on their radio antennae at half-mast, and muffled horns will intone a requiem.
Acapulco, historic Pacific port resort of Mexico, has prohibited men and women from appearing on the streets in bathing suits, because it would be "Most unedifying" for American tourists.
TOTAL WAR ON THE HIGHWAY
Every issue of today's newspaper carries stories of traffic deaths and injuries, but the grim record of pain and grief and property damage is more difficult to write. The fierce warfare on the Russian front, or the accidents in connection with the war games may be drawing more reader attention, but it is time the spotlight was turned on the every-man-for-himself battle of the American roads.
Many papers have carried on safety campaigns, urging careful driving. Communities post signs in their streets, "Drive Slowly, We Love Our Children"; well-meaning but ineffectual. Share-the-Road and Not-Over-Fifty clubs are formed by thoughtful drivers. A certain element of the motoring clan, however, will never heed such appeals. The drunken driver, the speedster, the mentally irresponsible adolescent, and the "get the hell off my highway" type of driver are responsible for many accidents but are not open to any persuasion but stringent legislation.
First, more rigorous tests should be given for driver's licences—both mental and physical tests., as well as routine driving ability tests.
Second, teeth should be put in traffic ordinances and highway speed limits. Offenders should be given sufficient fines or imprisonment, with steeply graduated penalties for second and succeeding offenses. Heavy punishments should
Third, when any driver has, by his record, shown mental or physical inability to handle an auto, he should be prohibited from driving.
be meted out to traffic officers or magistrates who "fix" tickets.
Fourth, over-age autos should be prohibited from appearing on the highways and menacing others. A great danger could be prevented by this action, and Uncle Sam could possibly secure some much needed scrap iron.
If football games were described like war reports, the following might happen: Operations are proceeding according to plan, according to a communique from Sawtooth University high command headquarters. The Sawtooth aerial attack has our cowardly opponents in full retreat, and there is reported rioting on the bench. A usually reliable authority reports that Peabody's star halfback has been assassinated by his rhetoric professor.
Peabody denies these claims, and reports that the opponents linemen are women disguised as athletes, and that the entire team is fighting an ineffective rear guard action in the shadow of their goal posts. Peabody's Fuehrer, Coach Stench, says "Ours is a glorious battle for academic freedom."
In Fiji, boys are taught by their fathers to strike their mothers, that being a practice thought to prevent the boys from becoming cowards.
Saturday afternoon is when people wash their autos. Sunday is when it rains.
EDNES
OFFICIAL BULLETIN UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS
Vol. 39 Wednesday, Sept. 17, 1941 No. 3
Notices due at News Bureau, 8 Journalism, at 10 a.m. on day of publication during the week, and at 11 a.m. on Saturday for Sunday issue.
Announcer and master of ceremony tryouts will be held in the studio of KFKU on Friday evening September 19 at 7:30. If possible all interested persons should see Miss Seaman before that date in room 117, Fraser Hall.-Mildred Seaman, Asst. Program Director.
MEN'S STUDENT COUNCIL: The first regular meeting of the Men's Student Council will be on Monday, Sept. 22, at 8:00 p.m. in the Pine Room.-Fred Larson, secretary.
DRAMATIC CLUB: Tryouts for the KU. Dramatic Club will begin Thursday afternoon at 3:30. Apply at the Little Theatre, basement of Green Hall—Dave Watermulder, president.
FACULTY INFORMATION CARDS: Faculty information cards are due at the Chancellor's Office now in order that the faculty directory may be prepared on time. Raymond Nichols, executive secretary.
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
Student Paper of THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS Lawrence, Kansas
Editor-in-Chief ... Charles Pearson
Editorial Associates: Bill Feeney, Floyd Decaire,
NEWS STAFF
Publisher ... Stan Stauffer
EDITORIAL STAFF
Feature Editor ... Betty West
Managing Editor ... Charles Elliott
Campus Editors ... Heidi Viets, Orlando Epp
Sports Editor ... Clint Kanaga
Society Editor ... Jean Fees
News Editor ... Glee Smith
Sunday Editor ... Milo Farneti
United Press Editor ... David Whitney
Re-write Editor ... Kay Bozarth
Copy Editors: Anne Nettels, Mary Margaret Gray
BUSINESS STAFF
Business Manager Frank Baumgartner
Advertising Manager Jason Yordy
Rock Chalk Talk
By HEIDI VIETS
Business has been rushing on the campus this past week, with fraternity matters pushing all other current affairs out of sight, out of mind, until Greek minds didn't know if Leningrad had pledged Pi Phi or Kappa Sig.
Local sandwich spots were transformed into meeting places for rush week's various groups, who took straw votes over coke straws. Said one waiter when the line in the aisle increased to $369_{1/2}$, "Put another plate on, Ma. We've got company."
Girls talk about girls so much during rush week that Friday noon when Charlene Baker asked Marie Hitt at the Chi O luncheon, "Do you like ripe olives?" she immediately responded, "Who's she?"
One confusion special of the sororities' rushing came whenever twins Lela Bell and Leta Nell Marks from Valley Falls walked into the room. "They're so much alike that if you pinch one, the other one squeals," one rusher commented. The doubles are now in Delta Gamma.
The Phi Psi's worked a little jam session into their program last week when "brother" Buddy Rogers trumpeted a little with Jimmy Brown, also on the trumpet, and Jack Cadden at the piano to help him out. He demonstrated, too, that a good alumnus can be red hot on the piano. Wednesday Mr. Rogers left for Milwaukee, while the rest of the boys jammed ahead alone.
Sigma Nu representative Joe Brown tried all the old political tactics on students who went down the business office fee line yesterday, trying to get them to sign his name to their Kansan subscription ballots. Already he's working for that Rose Bowl special. As you know, he's a veteran politician, now in Men's Student Council.
Vitally interested in the Buddy Rogers visit was Genevieve Carter, upstairs maid at the Chi Omega house. Her mother did Buddy's laundry when he was in school, and the Carter family has always remembered him because he gave them the shirt off his back.
"Every morning it's just like a scavenger hunt," laughed Dorothy Nicholson, Theta pledge, "to try to find the clothes I want." Her efficient mother packed her bags three weeks ago, and she spent rush week trying to figure them out. She hasn't gotten down far enough yet to see if the problem bags have a silver lining.
As has been often mentioned, it's amazing that so many come to Lawrence "just to go to school." But they do. Now the old long and short faces are back, and the freshman faces have been pushed into a sufficient amount of required meetings and convocations to make them fit into the general picture.
And the big fat Jayhawk said, as he put salt on his tail and threw a rock over his left shoulder, it ought to be a good year.
(with apologies to Esquire's time honored gag)
By BETTY WEST
"We Hold These Truths To Be Self Evident..."
... that Fraser Hall looks like something you dream about having eaten well but not wisely.
... that the library is a remote ethereal place he might visit should he find the time.
... that the man who invented the Enrollment Pen was a sheep dipper gone berserk.
... that any d—fool who would build a college on top of a hill is a d—
fool.
... that having gone through Rush Week he is capable of winning World War II all by himself.
THE FRESHMAN BELIEVES . . .
... that all he was designed for is to go to meetings.
... that people at K.U. don't dance the way they do in Deepwater.
... that all his text books must be rare first folios of Shakespeare if he is to judge their value by the cost.
that all Freshmen women are dying to meet him.
that ten minutes is not long enough to take
... that he is going to be a B.M.O.C.
... that ten minutes is not long enough to get to class.
that he is going to be a BMOC
... that there is nothing the matter with a few innocent little charge accounts.
THE SOPHOMORE BELIEVES . . .
... that a coke can be made to last only four minutes.
au re pp
... that all he was designed for was to be designed upon.
... that having gone through Rush Week as an active he wishes he was a rushee.
... that the man who makes out the College schedule did not have him in mind.
... that Center Ad is the one place on the campus where he must put in a daily appearance.
... that the Corbin Hall hall is no place for anything with legs, that the library is painful but necessary.
... that all his textbooks must be printed on gold leaf if he is to judge their value by their cost.
... that he is the best dancer on the Hill.
(continued to page eight)
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