THURSDAY, MAY 15.
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN, LAWRENCE, KANSAS
PAGE THREE
Fiends Prepare Tortures For The Unwary Stooges All Ain't Ready Holler 'I'
The worst ordeal in the long uphill climb to the peak of higher learning is nearing hand final exams, May 27 to June 4.
Students tremble in fear as professors exert all the fiendish cunning gained by years of experience in preparing the tests. It is total 'wah,' no quarter given.
ROTC To March At Legion Convention
Any question is legal, if not always ethical, even "describe the universe and give two examples." Some faculty members create a further psychological hazard by hanging a sign over the door of the examination room, "Abandon hope all ye who enter here."
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World War veterans attending the Second District American Legion convention in Lawrence Sunday and Monday will have an opportunity to review future army officers when R.O.T.C. cadets march in the Legion parade at 4 o'clock Monday afternoon.
University students have several methods for preparing for the finals. In giving an analysis of some of these techniques, this article will be purely descriptive, and the explanations do not necessarily reflect the endorsement or approval of the writer.
Method No. 1. This is the most strenuous approach, and should be used only in desperate circumstances. Starting now, cancel all dates, give up shows, dances, bull-sessions, and card games. Lock yourself in the room. Stay up until 2 or 3 o'clock every morning and study, study, study.
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Both the University Band and the R.O.T.C. regiment will take part in the parade. The regiment will fall in under arms north of Fowler shops at 3:40 o'clock Monday afternoon and march down to Massachusetts street. The line of march will be down Massachusetts street to Sixth街, thence to Kentucky street where parade will disband.
Cadets having 3:30 or 4:30 classes in all schools of the University Monday will be excused to take part in the parade. This marks the last R.O.T.C. drill of the spring semester.
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Alpha H. Kenna, state legion chaplain, will speak at the Legion meeting at 8 o'clock Sunday night in the Lawrence Community building.
Rush through your meals, don't answer any letters, don't even open the ones you receive. Lessons are all-important. You will probably end this period with ruined eyesight, tuberculosis, nervous prostration, and a handful of phobias, but you certainly should go through the exams like the streamliner goes through Simmons Corner. (Editor's Note: There must be some mistake. The streamliner makes an hour stop at Simmons Corner.)
Method No. 2 is the antithesis of No. 1. Lifeguards advise a swimmer who gets caught in deep water not to struggle or get panicky, for then he is doomed.
This line of reasoning is used by
Jewish Organization Offers Scholarship To K.U. Students
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The scholarship is open only to Jewish students, either men or women. It was first offered to the University in 1935. Two students have received the award.
Announcement has been received from the B'nai B'rith Women's Grand Lodge of Kansas City that its loan scholarship will again be available to Jewish students of the University this year.
Any student interested in applying for the scholarship should contact Miss Lela Ross, room 1, Frank Strong hall, for further information.
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devotees of method No. 2. If you start thinking about how hard finals are going to be: about that note you received from the office at midsemester; about some of those tests you trampled; about your old man is going to say; well, you will become too demoralized to do anything on the finals.
So forget about the tests, and do everthing you can to keep them out of your mind. Get tanked every night; date whenever possible; stay up late for all the bull-sessions, and sleep through class next morning. But, for Pete's sake, don't think about finals or you are sunk.
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Method No. 3. The "end justifies the means" technique. This system is subdivided into two parts: 3a, the cribbing system, and 3b, the parasite system. We shall examine type 3a first.
Start making your crib notes now. There are several good methods, but it would be unethical to describe them. Good cribbers, like the artists they are, jealously guard their methods, and often carry them to their graves. The women have a problem this year. They used to be able to tuck crib notes in their stocking, slightly north of the kneecap. But now, with anklets and short skirts, well——
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Followers of system 3b are good
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friends of the chiropractor. During the weeks before finals, they go up and get their neck muscles loosened, and a few vertebrae yanked out of place. Financially embarrassed folk who wish to use this method practice hanging by the neck until alive and kicking. To do this, tie a rope around your neck, climb a tree, tie one end of the rope to a limb, and jump. This is guaranteed to stretch your neck to giraffian proportions, and then you can see what that Phi Beta Kappa in the next row is writing.
Do not carry binoculars to class. Some of the profs are rather sharp about such things.
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8:30, a neutral in your 9:30, and a war-monger in your 10:30. Of course it isn't ethical, but ethics must go by the board in crucial times like these.
Method No. 4 Start to apple polish, but quick. Laugh like a hyena whenever the profess tells a joke, even if it is "Who was that lady I seen you with?" Stay a while after class and talk with him. Agree with everything he says.
If necessary, be a pacifist in your
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Method No. 5. The sackcloth and ashes technique. Downtown clothiers are featuring a lightweight, single or double-breasted sackcloth with ashes to match at low prices and convenient terms.
Pick up one of these, and then visit the professor. Tell him how hard you have worked, how your dear old grandmother sold apples on the street corner that you might go to school, and that you may become a chronic alcoholic if you fail the finals. Tell him anything, you may as well, as it won't do much good.
Method No. 6. Don't give a damn.
Abe Lincoln didn't get his B.A., did he?
Anyway, you're going to be drafted sooner or later.
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