PAGE TWO UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN, LAWRENCE, KANSAS THURSDAY. JANUARY 9, 1936 UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN OFFICIAL STUDENT PAPER OF THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS LAWRENCE, KANSAS PUBLISHER HERBERT A. MEYER, JR. EDITOR-IN-CHEF MELVYN HARLING Bob Robinson ASSOCIATE EDITORS JACK PENNEDO MANAGING EDITOR SIMILLE JONES BUSINESS MANAGER F. QUINSTEIN BROWN STAFF CAMPUS EDITOR FRED HAWKEN MAKE-UP EDITOR } BILL ROGGINS SPORTS EDITOR } DAKE OTTERMAN AMBIVANT RAINE NOWEL NEWS EDITOR JAMES KNIPHONKEN SOUTH EDITOR FRANK KLEIN SUNDAY EDITOR JOHN MALONE KANSAN BOARD MEMBERS MARGARET BOATY RUTHERFORD HAYES HERBERT HAYES F. QUENNIE BROWN HALLIE HAYES RUTH COLEMAN ROTHIST OLSTOAN SHIREY JONES ALENE MEMRAM HOUGH HARLEY KATE MEMRAM HOUGH HARLEY Business Office K.U. 66 News Room K.U. 23 Night Connection, Business Office 2701 R2 Night Connection, News Room 2702 R3 Sale and exclusive national advertising representatives NATIONAL ADVERTISING SERVICE, Inc. Chicago, Boston San Francisco, Los Angeles, Portland, Seattle. Pollished Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday at the College of the Holy Cross on Monday and Tuesday, association of University of Kansas from the Press of the Chicago Post. Subscription price, per year, $1.00 cash in advance, $1.25 on payments. Single copies, fc each. Entered as second class master, September 17, 1910, at the post office at Lawrence, Kansas. THURSDAY MORNING, JANUARY 9, 1936 Tired of seeing their plan used as a political football, and unable to get politicians to take them seriously, Townsendites are contemplating the formation of a third party through which they may elect the next president of the United States. After this high official has been elected, the Townsend plan will emerge from that etherial land of dreams and become a bright reality. No longer will the people of the United States need to worry over poverty or relief, or charity, or unemployment. But there will be a slight matter of 24 billion dollars or there abouts to occupy the mind of the tax payer. One also wonders just how long this money will revolve before it ends up in the pockets of high pressure salesmen and young relatives of those people over sixty years of age. Also it is just possible that a general rise in prices, probably ten per cent or more, would follow the adoption of the plan. The new money in circulation would take care of this, say the Townsendites, but what of the people who receive none of this money? Also it is somewhat puzzling to understand just why a person, upon reaching a certain age, should thereby become eligible to receive perhaps twice or three times as much money as he had ever earned, or is capable of spending intelligently. If a gift of two hundred dollars a month to a certain group of people will lead the nation back to prosperity, why not enlarge that group until it includes everyone in the United States over the age of six months, thereby bringing about a colossal prosperity, and giving us all the pleasure of spending the money? But of course Dr. Townsend is not going to elect the next president. Although he has a large following, the best he can do is swing a few votes to one or the other established parties. His movement is not strong enough to greatly influence a national election. His plan is too fantastic to be put into effect. Yet Dr. Townsend has struck a basic chord in human nature; that is the desire of every individual for security in old age. Dr. Townsend might feel that it is the duty of society to provide this security either by pension or by wages that will enable the individual to save a sufficient amount of money during his lifetime. Apparently American society is unable to assure the latter alternative. Consequently pensions must be resorted to, but plans like the Townsend proposal only rouses the public to hopeless anticipation, and stand in the way of same legislation. A Great Bend man, musically inclined, never sees a skinny girl in a formal dress without being obsessed with a mad desire to reach for a set of xylophone mallets and try chording on her bare vertebra —Great Bend Tribune. THE PHILIPPINE REVERBERATIONS Since the return of the Americans who attended the Philippine commonwealth's inaugural at Manila, this country has been deluged with interviews and articles on the future of the Philippines. Most of the returning junketers seemingly have convinced themselves that their brief visit to the islands qualifies them as experts on their present and future affairs. A few of them have refrained from comment thereon—the notable exceptions being Vice-President Garner and War Secretary Dern. But many of the others have spoken or written freely—and positively. Most of them doubt the success of the Philippine experiment with independence, and many predict its failure. Some believe the islands are doomed to Japanese domination; others think think they will be overwhelmed by economic trubles past their own remedy and will seek the protection of an American protectorate. A third group suggests that modification of the agreement embodied in the Tydings-McDuffie Act, to perpetuate trivial preferences and other concessions enjoyed by the pre-commwealth regime, may save the day both economically and politically for the new Philippine setup. We do not know, of course, but our guess is that the views of the returning Americans reflect the various brands of propaganda which "contacted" them in Manila and its environs. Native officials frankly desire modification of the independence act to avert the economic hazard they accepted as the price of eventual independence. Philippine business interests probably desire, in addition to that, restoration of the Americas protectorate. The menace of imperialist Japan lends support to either program. One newspaper writer who ventured outside Manila and attempted to sound what passes for "public opinion" reports the natives' still on the "Freedom and independence" slogan, which appears to their emotions. There are limitations that Congress will be asked in its coming session to soften up the independence terms for the economic benefit of the islands. The present symposium may be intended as a prelude to that undertaking. But there are many Americans who did not go to Manila for the inaugural. These home-staying folk may conclude that the Filipinos should have time and opportunity to prove their own capacity for self-government and master of their own economic fate before any change in the Washington contract with their commonwealth is considered. The American home folk conceivably may find this home-grown idea sounder and more reasonable than the ideas brought back from the Philippines by the inaugural guests. "Ten Policemen Guard Privacy of Lindberghs in Wales."—Headline. Ten policemen! If a goldfish ever reads that he will feel that in comparison he is a hermit dwelling in the midst of an impenetrable forest. Our Contemporaries WORRY NO LONGER Parents who sit up iights worrying about their young sons in Brown who are subjected for fifteen hours or more of their own time on the job, and listening to all the deep, dark propaganda of Communists, may soon sit book and draw an easy breath. The Veterans of Foreign Wars plan to introduce and teach them a of a teacher's oath bill in the Rhode Island legislature. Continuing their campaign for the preservation of the freedom and rights of democracy which they began in 1917, the veterans will not only extend the sacred oath to every member of college and university faculties, but they will also pick on the monger, gray-hired old maid teachers who, substating on a monger salary, spend their school teaching little, innocent creatures their aide's at knif, knitting sweets and reading romantic novels. First the professor receives a copy of "The National Republic," a periodical of note (some sort of note), accompanied by a letter which explains to him that a trusted friend has been sent a copy of an author's reader. This worthy literary offer shows all the benefits Reds. The teacher is, to say the least, dumbfounded when he receives the offering. His reactions after reading it are varied. Either he laughs at its iniquities, sobs at its cruelty, or pretends an American baterist, or sighs over the future of the country. All possible caws binding the sweater not to murder his mother-in-law, or not to touch a drop of intoxicating water for the femur, will be in abhorrence when the taurine tachy bill comes up. The taurine waves the flag, the law is passed. All that remains is for the faculty and students to stage a demonstration which gives the Veterans of Foreign Wars the heeb-jeebies and the sword. COSMOPOLITAN CLUB: There will be a meeting of the Cosmopolitan Club Saturday, Jan. 11 at 9 o'clock on Tuesday. Margaret Messenheimer, President. Notices due at carcassleh Office at 3 p.m. preceding regular publication days and 11:15 a.m. for Sunday issues. No. 74 Veterans, kindly take your cue from the Massachusetts reaction to the law. If you must make tools of yourself, do so in a harmless fashion without making legislators theGoats. Any sensible organization would never get itself tied up with such adverse publicity—Brown Daily Herald. OFFICIAL UNIVERSITY BULLETIN EL ATENEO: El Atenco tenda una sesión el jueves a las cuatro y media de la tarde. JANUARY 9.1936 Margarita Osma, Secretaria Vol. 33 KANSAS UNIVERSITY NEWS CORRESPONDENTS: There will be a meeting of the Kansas University News Correspondents in room 103 Administration building Thursday afternoon at 3:00. Br Philmanwell. KAPPA PS1: Regular meeting of all activities and pledges will be held this evening at 7:30 in the Memorial Hall. TRUTH HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY MUCH STRANGER THAN FICTION Ralph McKibbin, Vice President. June Thompson, Esther Anderson, Chairman. WORLD AFFAIRS COMMISSION World Affairs Commission of W.C.A. will meet Thursday at 4:30 at Honey店屋 Mira Mabel Elliott will speak on Russia. Problems in social and economic problems are cordially invited. V. M. C. A. CARIBET The regular meeting will be held at 4:30 in room 10 Memorial Union building. Prod. Bldg. The World Knew Little of Freaks and the Unusual Until Publicized by Writers and Cartoonists By Jim Clarkson, c'36 For instance, would it surprise you to know that the heart of Paavur Naimu, the Finnish spinner is three times normal size? No? Well then maybe would be interested in knowing that he has a chest expansion of fifteen inches. And that reminds me. . . Thetibum has a unique family. Alakjuv Japa is the Grand Living Buddha and head of the great monastery of Lhasa. Ab Sbe is the chief of the Ngolotai. That's most notorious gags of bandits. Here's one to put down in your list of excuses for doing things: one ounce of whisky, gin or bourbon produces 60 calories of nutritive valu, port wine, 38 sherry, 28 Burgundy 24, and champagne and claret 18 each. Thus 250 ounces of wine needed by the average adult each day, may be obtained from three small drinks of whisky or a glass of port. By the way, if you've just explained to your bitter half that food costs money and she comes right back saying that you should be grateful you didn't marry an Eskimo, since they eat and drink five times a smash as Americans do. And so on; the fact that Eskimo economize on heat. They can hurt their goof to 80 degrees with a little seal-lim oil菜. This Univers of ours has been full of odd and surprising things ever since man was created. No reflections on man, but it's true. However, not until Robert Ripley and few others came along did half the world know that one woman could be more curious than Julian Caesar or that the brain of an adult elephant weigh eight pounds. Furthermore, no one cared until a group of unemployed, extra-curious cartoonists decided to prove that "truth is stranger than fiction." And they've done it pretty well when you think of the number of newspaper and magazines that run their regular features about animals like lions or live It Or Not." Keeping Up With The World, or "The Talking Encyclopedia." More than likely she'll tell you that an far back as three thousand years and perhaps an even longer time that paralysis on one side of the body is associated with brain injury on the opposite of the body, but for you to learn anything analysis if it had anything to do with brain injury. Then, as she reaches for the nearest thing to throw, telling you in the same breath that professional pitchers can hurl a baseball at the rate of 90 feet a second . . . explain to her that she throws as many men die unnatural deaths as do women and to please keep down the percentage as much as possible. "African medicine men," you snap back, "knew mosquitoes caused malaria before European scientists did." "Really," she says, quick on the uptake, "well, do you know that someday New York is going to be flooded like Venice. It will be covered when the ice caps at the pole have completely melted, and they're melting now." "It is that so," you come back triumphantly, "well, not to change the subject, or do you know that one out of every hundred persons is feeble-minded?" "Know it—" she says, "I married one!" Finding you can't do any good in Afriq'you change the subject to the United States and tell her that Los Angeles is the largest farming city in the world—and has 50,000 cows registered in the metropolitan area. "That's nothing," she replies—sticking to Africa."The children of blackest Africa are born white. When a year old, they are brown; by the time they are four years old they are a sort of sooty black, and it is not until they are full grown that they become their shiny midnight color." Ancient Antics 20 Years Ago BY D.L.H. While You're DANCING or at Your DINNER PARTY Insure an enjoyable evening with a corsage styled by--of religion as much as he did. This does not mean, the professor explained, that the war was a failure—(They can say the students at that time were pious that—it's already past Xinas.) A professor on the Hill in comparing college students of today and the late 70's says that the student of today is not as well prepared as the student as formerly and he does not talk The Kansan today printed the list of all professors who kept their classes after the whale blow. Chancellor Strong has advised the faculty that the students under no condition are to be made to remain after that whale blows. FLOWER 820 FONE of religion as much as he did. This does not mean, the professor explained, that the students at that time were pious but they were trying to find some basis in their religious beliefs. In fact, a questioning attitude. In fact, the professor concluded, many of the students were followers of Bob Ingersoll. Footnote: This article is not intended to be read in any state where it is unauthorized to talk of religion either for or against. "Flowers of Distinction" WARD'S FLOWERS The past year, says the government expert, has been unusually wet. (This is not an ad for liquor and is not to be construed. If it is thus translated though...don't read if you live in a dry state, it's against the law.) Tattle tale, tattle tale — The Kanan wants you to tell on your professors who keep class after the whistle blows—they will be chastened by having their names printed — The Jujahawker hacketters meet Ames tonight in the room of the season-activity titles admin. we now pay $1.50 for the privilege.) Kansas University's debating society decided in their debate last night that Students of the University who have a desire to be of aid to mankind are asked to help in making bandages and supplies to be sent to France for war hospitals—(They send their dough last Christmas to help the Belgians—now they send them the things the money was supposed to buy.) Women of the University and the Men's Student Council are still trying to get the women's advice to change the time of closing of varieties to 1:00. The women will be encouraged or lunch time—Let's change it to 4:00 and wear cocktail dresses girls.) The twelfth annual review of the Boston Transcript states that there are some 559 new poets rampant in the country in 1915. (From the looks of the journalistic bullet board in 1835—those same 559 were still loose.) Hoaray—we can slide down the hills on the golf links, according to word received here from University authorities—Since the newaby old mayor was born in 1972, the school crashes through to keep bob sled parties in the curriculum. LUNCH With Your Friends at the UNION FOUNTAIN Sub-Basement Memorial Union The friend-maker Advertising plays no favorites-it makes friends of you and for you. It is constantly offering kindly assistance by introducing worthy merchandise to you. It tells you of the latest fashions; of the newest time and labor saving devices; of opportunities to save money by making certain purchases at certain stores on specified days. It even points the way that enables you to keep yourself physically fit and mentally alert. Advertising is, unconsciously to you perhaps, your steadfast friend. It has established an era of good feeling between you, the stores, the manufacturers and their products. Advertising is honest and sincere. You can believe it and believe in the products it calls to your attention. Advertising is a real friend-maker. Read the advertisements every day. They help to make individuals happier and more contented.