PAGE TWO FRIDAY, JANUARY 9, 1931 UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN, LAWRENCE, KANSAS University Daily Kansan Official Student Paper of THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS LAWRENCE, KANSAS EDITOR-IN CHIEP CLARENCE RUPP Associate Editors Frank McClelland Faxe Thurman MANAGING EDITOR WILLIAM NICHOLS Makaye Editor Garden Manor Sunday Edition Owen Paik Sunday Edition Lorenzo Penn Spiritualizing Editor Karen Hewitt Spiritualizing Editor Karen Hewitt Secretive Editor Henry Arielson Secretive Editor Henry Arielson Almanac Editor Mary Harcock Almanac Editor Mary Harcock Kansas Board Members ANNOTTING MGR. ROBERT PERLSON District Assistant Jill Pergamone District Assistant William R. Sadler District Assistant William R. Sadler District Assistant James H. Knox District Assistant James H. Knox Frank McCliffard William Noble Robert Parnes Virginia Wollman Mary Burrell Iris Ficklmanns Coleen Pearl Jack Merritt Owen Paul Claimer Rupp Telephone 1-102-567-8321 Business Office K, U, 60 News Room K, U, 20 Night Connection 2'01K Published in the afternoon, five times a week, and on Sunday morning, by students in the department of Journalism of the University of Missouri. Free of the Department of Journalism. Subscription price, $1.00 per year, payable in advance. Single coupon, be each. Entered in second-class mail multiple times. Received by the Lawrence Kansas, under the set of March 3, 1925. FRIDAY, JANUARY 9, 1931 LET'S END AMBIGUITY Kansas Agies may be one of the Jayhawkers' ancient rivals in athletic competition, yet it seems as though the Manhattan school is the only institution in the Big Six who is riding with Kansas on the athletic situation. We believe that Kansas has observed the rules and regulations as well as any other Big Six school. Stories and tales have been told in the athletic board meetings that three other Big Six schools have violated the rules in order to "same" high-powered*竞赛 to compete in intercollegiate competition. The student body is back of Kansas and the athletic board. Whatever the committee decides, the school approves the move. The students have been behind Kansas all the time. Perhaps very little has been said in this column, yet no adverse criticism has been printed. Perhaps there should be a "house cleaning" in other schools. Kansas and Kansas Angies each declared one man invisible for any further athletic competition. Why not investigate Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma, and Iowa? State? MEN "Father and Son Held in Grocery Theft" states a headline. Probably getting ready for one of those father and son banquets. Like Turkish cigarettes, men are all made of the same material, the only difference is that some are a little better disguised than others. Men are what women marry. They have two feet, two hands, and sometimes two wives; but never more than one dollar or one idea at a time. Generally speaking, they can be divided into three classes, husbands, hatchlers and widowers. An eligible hatcher is a mass of obstinacy, entirely surrounded by suspicion. Husbands are three varieties: Prizes, Surprises, and Consolation prizes. Making a husband out of a man is one of the highest plastic arts known to civilization. It requires science, sculpture, common sense, faith, hope, and charity, and the most important of these is charity. It is a psychological marvel that a soft, tender, violet-seemed woman should enjoy a big backward arch, backburn, a big backward arched, bayurn or chest-shaped thing like a man. If you flatter a man, it frightens him to death, and if you don't, you bore him to death. If you permit him to make love to you, he gets tired of you in the end, and if you don't, he gets tired of you in the beginning. If you believe him in everything, you soon cease to interest him; and if you agree with him in anything, you soon cease to charm him. If you believe all he tells you, he thinks you are a fool, and if you don't, he thinks you are a cynic. If you join him in his gayeties, and smoke with him, he sweeps you are driving him to the devil; and if you don't approve of his smoking and urge him to give up his gayeties, he vows If you wear gay colors and rouge and a startling hat, he hesitates to take you out; and if you wear a little brown hat, and plain clothes he takes you out and stares all evening at a woman in gay colors, rouge, and a startling hat. you are driving him to the devil. If you are a clinging vine type, he doubts whether you have a train; and if you are modern, advanced and independent, he doubts whether you have a heart? If you are silly, he longs for a serious mate; and if you are popular with other men, he is jealous; and if you are not, he hesitates to marry a wall flower. GOSHI DREN MEN ANYWAY. If all the people who are getting together to confer about the depression we spend to the cost of such meetings will be affected, much good might be accomplished. WOMEN women are what men have to mary, —that is, if they marry anybody, which they usually do, for as Saint Paul says, "I it is better to marry than to burn." They likewise have two feet, two hands, and one great big tongue; they can always spend one or more dollars, and they always have about a thousand and one idea—none of them worth a boot. Generally speaking, women are: Generally speaking. Like all Gall, women can be divided into three parts: Those who have not been married, but want to be married; those who have been married and still are; and those who have been married and want to be married again. They are all surpluses. Making a wife out of woman is the easiest thing known to man. All that has to be done is to tell 'em to wilt; and they will. It is a miracle of God that a great big strong he-man should take a second look at an insignificant little flibbertigger possessed of a total back of any and all intelligence whatsoever. If you compliment a woman, she thinks that your intentions must be, as in Brock Pemberton's production, "Strictly Dishonorable." If you make love to her, she says, "Sa-a-say, where day get that stuff? I don't that kind of a girl." And if you don't say she, "Aw, yer too slow; go home and tell yer mother. She wants you." But in either case, she tells all her girl friends everything that happens, to the accompaniment of a volley of giggles. If she talks about her girl friends behind their backs and you don't agree with her, she retorts, "Well, what do you know about it?" And if you do agree with her, she says, "Why. I think you're perfectly horid." Woman is the great snare, the cunning deceiver, the guy dismember. She is truly educated, for she is altogether adaptable in her methods—like the reptile who, by weaving this way and that, charms its victim. She will be demure, brazen, clinging, independent, brisk, seggy, happy, sniffly—all as she calculates best to win her wants. Like the Mounted Police, she "gets her man." ?="!bwomen:"*!(O">girls&@?@$"+?the-**dill!" But we can't get along without 'em regardless. There are advantages even in being too fat. An Alabama regressor who weights 600 pounds was not arrested for selling whisky because she is so big the jail would have to be turn down to get her in. NAME IT AND YOU CAN HAVE IT The long-promised and long-awaited road from the Alpha Chi carrier hall way to Marvin's grove, incidently stopping in front of the Pi Phi house, is quite a mystery. But the best guess yet, is that this is a hard-time project, to give work to the unemployed, and that it is to be a bigger and better Phi Bihon, more spacious and more conveniently placed commemorating those days when artificial means were not necessary. The theory that opportunity knocks but once gained circulation before the days of the salesman. From one view, the retaining wall looks like a stone prison with no windows and no bars in the walls -perhaps to be used by the "arrow club" to hold up young men more securely than in the olden days. Rumors have it, that it is to be a flag decorated to those Pi Phis who don't give a dam. THE COLLEGE STUDENT IS CLASSIFIED The federal office of education, after making a study of moral conditions in the 69 land grant colleges and universities, has come to the conclusion that college students are apparently no better and no worse than the country's average population. The picture for the Jayhawker will be taken at 2 o'clock Saturday, Jan. 10 at Squares. There will be a meeting in room of the Union building, Friday evening from 9 to 11 p.m. 147 JAMES. OFFICIAL UNIVERSITY BULLETIN Vol. XXVIII Friday, 19. 931 No. 83 JAY JANES: The Mathematics club will meet Jan. 12, at 4:30 in room 211 Administration building. Members are urged to attend. MATHEMATICS CLUB: Their report showed that the heads of a good many institutions experienced trouble with student drinking and behavior at dances. Drinking was listed as one of the chief troubles makers at 26 of the institutions. Action of alumni and guests from other colleges and high schools was given as a problem causing concern to college officials. It is difficult to decide whether we should feel complimented or not by this discovery. We are certainly relieved to know that we are considered no worse than other people, that we are ordinary sons and daughters of ordinary parents. For some reason the title, "Bertha, the Beautiful Sewing Machine Girl," seems to hint of the dime novel that our dads read when they should have been studying. Anyway it's impossible to guess anything about the play from its name. On the other hand does it seem satisfactory that college students who are in the process of gaining higher knowledge, should have no higher standards than other people? Apparently our conduct fails to keep pace with our intellect. Attendance at Watson Library since vacation provides that quite a number are either keeping their New Year's resolution or are bothered by the nearness of finals. Some of us are seniors. That is to say, according to a modern critic, we have served four years or more in a penal institute pretending to absorb a certain amount of knowledge. Now nearing the completion of that four year period we look forward to applying our newly acquired knowledge to a depressed business world and to showing some of these old critters what it is all about. ODE TO THE DITCH DIGGER Perhaps we plan to approach the world with coimity and gradually allow the multitudes to learn of our intellectual capacities. Or we may be of the more aggressive sort who find it more convenient to give them a big load of our personality all of a sudden. We hope that we have some sort of personality and there is even a bare possibility that through it all we have retained some of our individuality. At least there is still a semester left in which to dominate the local situation and spend our leisure hours in pleasant reverie concerning the things we are going to do in the world. PHILIP BELL, President. THE BAND CONCERT The University band is to have a concert next Thursday evening. Those who have attended these affairs before know that it will be good and well worth while. We should attend the concert for this reason alone. However, the band deserves our support for other causes also. What would a game be without the band? One half the spirit would be lacking. Can you imagine a rally, a concession, or a parade without the band? It is a vital part of the University and some of the familiar tunes they play will be remembered by us long after we have forgotten scientific theories and French. We'll really hit the books after the Soph Hop, just like we did after Christmas. The band and their leader deserve our support and we will profit by attending their annual concert. A Republican, remarks a Democrat, is a guy who claims his party is responsible for the good times, but conditions are responsible for bad ones. It looks as if professors on the Hill will have to be granted special privilege tags to keep them from being stopped by Gentleman Jim. The Thoughtful Freshman when asked how far he was from the right answer replied, "Oh, about two seats." "THAT WHICH COMFORTS Us." will be the subject of our course at the Uniarian church in Vermont Sis. Sunday at 11. Did you ever stop to think that the CAFETERIA serves more meals to K. U. students than any other one eating place in Lawrence? JANUARY SALES "There's a Reason' Now is the time to buy a Suede Leather Jacket, Reduced from $12 to $9.75 Hundreds of shirts on sale, too! TAXI CALL 987 GUFFIN TAXI SERVICE Prompt, Courteous, Appreciative ELECTRIC RADIOS Complete $59.50 Shimmons Bros. Plumbers and Electricians Repair Work, Especially 836 Mass. 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