UNIVEESITY DAILY KANSAN
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
Official student paper of the University
EDITORIAL STAFF
Henry B. Pegus. . . . . . Editor-in-Chief
Henry Koester. . . . . Associate Editor
Dorothy Schoenfeld. . . . . .
BUSINESS STAFF
Vernon A. Moore...Business Mgr.
John A. Weightman...Assistant
NEWS STAFF
Edwin W. Hullinger Wilbur Fleischer
Don Dove E. H. Kendrick
Don Dave
Marjorie Rickard Helen Patterson
Marjorie Rickard Jake Gardner
Ethelne Dyer Jack Cairn
Subscription price $3.00 per year in advance; one term, $175.
Entered as second-class mail matter
lawrence. Kansas, under the act of
lawrence. Kansas, under the act of
Published in the afternoon, five times a week. From the press of Kansas, from the press of the DePokie County Historical Society.
Address all communications to
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
Lawrence, Kansas
Phones, Bell K, U. 25 and 66
The Daily Kansan aims to picture the university in Kansas, to go further than merely print the news from Kansas, to go further versatility holds; to play no favorites; to be clean; to be cheerful; to be active and uncompromising to leave more serious problems to wiser heads in all, to serve to the University of the University.
FRIDAY, JANUARY 19, 1917.
There is a pleasure in the pathines woods. There is a rapture on the lonely shore. There is nirduse by the deep sea, and music in its heart.
BON VOYAGE
We have time today to dash off only a few lines to wish the Kansan readers bon voyage during the rough sailing next week. We would immortalize the student who sits up through the "wee sma' hours" the day before finals, and no doubt what we would say would go down as classic literature. But to be frank we're too busy with our own troubles.
Consequently we hope you have as good luck as you would like to have—not as you sincerely think you deserve.
"Some like 'em hot, some like 'em cold," but days like this ought to please most anybody.
Mount Oread, Jan. 18—
NEWS FROM THE FRONT
With peace practically assured within the next fortnight, the allied forces of the faculty were drawing their lines more closely today about the combined student armies entrenched in Spooner Library. The right and left wings of the attacking force have completely enveloped the fast weakening defense that has held out so sturdily eightteen weeks. It is evident the armies of the faculty are mustering new strength and that a big smash will begin some time next week—probably Monday lasting three or four days.
Firing has been heavy all the latter part of this week. Bombardment of the 45 centimeter assignments of the professorial forces has been only slightly heavier than the reports, term themes, note books, and back assignments returned hot and fast by the students, who are staging a noble last stand, say the leaders of the invading troops.
Word comes from grand headquarters in Spooner that the attack next week is being anticipated by the blockaded forces and that the ammunition stores of the stacks are being brought to light and put into firing trim. Many powerful guns unknown before have been dug from the basement of the old fortress, and it is intimated that the replies given the attacks on Monday and the following days will surprise the self-confident pedagogues.
Protests against alleged violations of the rules of war have been entered by both sides. Students are protesting against the eleventh hour theme and report torpedoes, while the faculty forces accuse the students of using dum-dum reports and note books exactly like those of former years, now, according to the laws of examination war, out of date.
Despite the work of preparation under way in Spooner there is a general feeling of consternation over the nature of the attack the faculty is likely to make. There is some fear ammunition will run out, or be entirely useless against the big "tanks" that it is rumored will constitute the major portion of the attacking force during the week. Every evening before retiring a prayer is offered up from the lips of every student which can be heard for miles around. Every voice speaks the same prayer—the well known lines of Kipling—
"Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget, let we forget!"
Hank Maloy, doing kerosene circuit research work for the Lincoln Lyceum Bureau writes in he has discovered that the jelly-fish gets its jelly from the ocean currents.
THAT "IMPRACTICAL" PROF
The public at large may occasionally delight in scouting at the "impractical and visually" schoolmaster, but when it is really anxious to frame a measure for public welfare that will be effective, post-haste it comes to this same bubble-blower and asks, "What shall we do?"
Be it prison reform, wise old senators seek out an impractical sociology prof. If our cities want a practical managerial plan straight they come to the college man who has "dreamed" of civics and political science, and men who have labored under a clumsy city government decades adopt the plans of the professor, whose knowledge is based on scientific scrutiny.
If there be a river to curb or a city water works system to change a prof from the engineering department goes to prescribe the course that is usually followed. If the job be big or little it is worthy of scientific solution.
The farmer who has trouble with his stock or in his fields goes first to the professor in agriculture, who answers the farmer with the authority that commands his respect, and the "book-farmer" gives advice to the real farmer that the latter follows to a successful solution.
Doctors, editors, merchants and many others find in colleges and universities mines of information that fit into their practical knowledge of business to the extent of making that base of theory supply indispensable.
It is unnecessary to mention the thousand and one little things that anybody can have done for merely the asking. The profs will test—free—samples of clay, food samples, drinking water, weights and measures, and what not. They will answer any question concerning languages, write a menu in French for a swell dinner party, settle disputes over literature, law, medicine, journalism, and any branch of higher education that the average person can think to ask about.
Surely, college professors must be classed as dreamers and theorists only by those who haven't benefited directly by their work.
The demand for anti-knee-kneer among students of economics and history is growing heavier as examinations draw nearer.
The old-fashioned student has been found who is bemoaning his luck because quiz time does not come during the full of the moon.
Several students had three other quizzes the same day, so the professor changed the time to suit the convenience of the class. He was inconvenienced—but it's the little things that count.
Next week will be the time for anybody to win a reputation as an optimist.
ASPARAGUS
Young husband—"Emily, dear, as I was passing through the garden I saw some aparagus ready for cooking. Perhaps you would like to go and gather the first vegetable of the season yourself."
Young wife (anxious to conceal her ignorance) "I tell you what, Edwin; we will go together. You shall pluck it, and I will hold the ladder."—Ex.
Mother—No, but she can tango,
maxiise, bunny-hug, fox-trot and
do splits!—Ex.
Visitor (condescendingly)·C a n your daughter play or sing?
NEVAH Mo!
JES' FILLER
He went back home to
Podunk.
Breezed into
The local drug store
To let the boys
Take a slant
At what a college man
Is.
"O deah, O deah!"
He yawned,
"What is thehe to do
In this town?"
And then—
The sole squirt
Wiped his hands; smoothed
His hair and—
Grasping the polished
End of the ice
Cream dip—
Smashed a wicked
Blow to the poor boy's
Brain cavity.
So, you see, he ain't
Doin' that way
No more.
A. Noyes was heard in Fraser yesterday afternoon.
Pore Pote
A pote
Once wrote
A pome
Called "Home".
A ed
He read
The thing
And bing!
A erl
That's why Potes die So young And spry.
He smote
He smote The pote With an Iron can.
DO YOU KNOW HIM?
One common pest is in our midst. He is found everywhere, but a college campus is an especially propitious place for him to sprout. He is the man who says he never studies. He ambles into a class room with a languid air, announces indifferently he has been given a brilliant recitation. This particular time of the year he is in his element. His chief joy lies in telling quaking freshmen that he never reviewed for a final in his life. When they later discover 90's on his grade card, they think he is a marvel. They will continue to think so until one observing person who lives in the view of their classroom lights out until 1 o'clock every night. Then he must seek new freshmen to dazzle. Of course there is nothing really dangerous or harmful about this pest; but a fly can ruin a disposition even if it doesn't carry yellow fever. He is more elusive than a fly, though; swapping would be a real relief in his case. But we can'tIndulge in it; only listen and thank God we—you and I—are not as other men. For the last outstanding characteristic of this pest is that he is always in the third person. —Daily Illini.
TOUGH
D. L. H.
LEVITY WITH THE GRIND
"More tough luck," grumbled Growch.
"That turkey I won at the raffle."—Ex.
'What is it this time?'
"Quick," Watson, the needle!" shouted Sherlock, as his suspender button went飞走 through the air.— Ex.
"You say her father does not approve of the latest candidate for her,"
"No, indeed. He came out flat-footed against him."—Ex.
AS IT GOES
EMPHATIC
(In Three Cantos)
Naughty Rallies
Dances
Frats
Football heroes
Busted slats
Such is college life.
Nearly Broke
POET AND PRINTER
Naughty Rallies
"I kissed her on the lips," he wrote,
But some cool printer queered the
oks
eee
Pretty girls
Sororities
Such is college life.
III.
Cruel Professors
Semester quizzes
Then Flunk
Such is college life.
H. G. C. '1
And left him of his joy no wisp— "I kiss her on her lisp," he wrote. Ex.
WANT ADS
FOR SALEB—Toppea Daily Capital Agency of Lawrence. Cach gets it cheap. Bell phone 1067.
SUMMER WORK—Have places for fifteen men who want work for six summer. $4.00 per day and up. Use lunch at the office or Friday and Saturday—Adv. 80-2
FOR RENT - Furnished room for boy
boy; modern; sleeps under 16th
seat. Welcome to Lafayette 16th
St. st, just east of Tennessee. Tel.
1693J. Call evening. tf
FOR RENT—A nice large southwest room for $10 a month. House modern. 1313 Vermont. Phone 1107W. 80-2
FOR RENT—Furnished
RENT—Underwood Typewriters of quality with service at the least cost direct from the Underwood Typewriter Company, Topека, Kansas.
WANTED—A lady to do educational work during vacation. Call Mrs. Williams, Bell 514 W. 72fL.
TEACHERS WANTED—For every department of school work. Boards will soon commence to elect teachers for next year. Teachers will vacate. Vacancies. Write today for blanks. Only 3½% Com., pay nov. 1st. Territory; Iowa, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Nebraska, Dakota and the West. Don't Delay. Call Teacher Services at Heuer, Manager, 228-230 C. R. S. Bank, Cedar Rapids, 178-8f.
FOR RENT—Two south rooms for boys, well heated. 1208 Mississippi. Bell 1253W. 81-4
BOARDING CLUB-For faculty and students, both women and men. 1209 Oread St. Bell phone 2511W.
FOR RENT—One furnished room.
$10. per month. 1601 Tenn. Bell
239L4. 79-3
FOR RENT—Double front room. Two or three boys. Modern. Reasonable. 1108 Teen. 78-5
FR RENT—South room for boys.
Electric lights and steam heat, 1022
Ohio, Bell 17623. 80-4
WANTED -A young man room mate at 1316 Vermont. 81-5
WANTED -To rent a kitchen and dining room by the Co-Op Club. Call Bell 1712W between 7 and 10 p. m. 81.1
PROFESSIONAL CARDS
DR. H. L. CHAMBERS. General Proc-
sessor to 6109. House and office phone,
6109. House and office phone,
G, W, JONES, A, M, M, D, Diseases of
Respiratory System 126, Philadelphia,
Involvement 125, Residence 126
Both phone, 3.
DR. H. REDING F. A. U. Building
fitted. Hours 9 to 4. Both phones 513.
C. E. ORELUP, M. M. Specialist—Eye,
1760, Dick Building.
KERLEKS BOOK STORE. 232 Mass
writer and school supplies. Paper by
Russell, a teacher.
Printing
B. H. DALE, Artistic job printing.
Both phones 228, 1027 Mass.
**shop 1019**
FORNEY SHOP 1019 1017 Mass. St.
FORNey sho 1019 a mistake All works.
guaranteed.
Shoe Shon
WE MAKE OLD SHOPS INTO NEW
places. We will get results 1342 Olde St
Little Egypt 5e Cigar. All Dealers
-Adv.
tf
We are long on Slide-rules and Theme Paper.
Stationery & Typewriters
If you are short come down.
CARTERS
CONKLIN PENS are sold at
McCulloch's Drug Store 847 Mass.
are sold at
Remember SCHULZ makes clothes You can find him at 917 Mass. St.
Lawrence Pantatorium
Tailors, Cleaners, and Dyers of Ladies' and Gents' Fine Clothing
Hats Cleaned and Blocked.
Both Phone 506 12 W. 9th St.
A. G. ALRICH
Printing, Blinding, Engraving
K Books, Loose Leaf Supplies
Pamphlet Stamps
Typewriter Papers, Rubber Stamps
744 Mass. St.
Fancy dresses of all descriptions. Also
Mrs. M. A. Morgan
Tailored Suits and Remodeling.
1313 VEKMONT ST.
Bell Phone 107W.
Saturday
BOWERSOCK Tomorrow
BESSIE LOVE
The Heiress at Coffee Dan's
IN
This is a show you don't want to miss.
WILSON'S
The Popular Drug Store Toilet Articles
The University Bank Why Not Carry Your Account Here?
Good Things to Eat and Drink
Citizens State Bank Deposits Guaranteed
THE BRUNSWICK-BALKE
BOWLING ALLEYS
for
KANSAS MEN
Across From Carroll's.
Kennedy Plumbing Co.
All kinds of electrical shades
handles dimmers
National Mack Lamps,
Cord, Plugs, Sockets, Etc.
Phones 658 937 Mass.
plan. Why pay rent when you can buy a first class up to date typewriter as low as $3.00 per month. Liberal discount for cash, and free trial privilege. Get the best and save the most. MORRISON 8, BLUESNEE
Have You Seen The New Woodstock?
If you are contemplating the purchase of a typewriter, visit us to vestigate our introductory offer, and easy payment
MORRISON & BLIESNER
701 Mass St.
701 Mass. St.
The
The COLUMBIA GRAFANOLA
is the only talking machine that reproduces the tone just as it was sung, talked or played.
Many styles to select from
The model as illustrated above, $110. Without record ejector, $100. Terms to suit. Other styles, $15 to $350.
RECORDS—Double-faced—65c to $4
PEIRCE PIANO CO.
811 Mass. St.
$1.75
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Daily Kansan,
Lawrence, Kans
Gentlemen:
..., 1917
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