M
2.
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 1924
The Sorority Stove
A Play in One Complete Act and a Prologue
After the fashion of the "Ten-Min-
ute Sketch" Artists—ten minutes
the playwrights have
no more time to spare).
Prologue
(The scene is a sorority house chapter room. The regular Monday night brawl is in session).
President (with loud raps, from her gavel) - the meeting will come to order. Now this is the fifth time I've reminded you that the next time somebody laughs I'll have you thrown out!
Virginia—Miss President! President-Virginia.
Virginia—While we are on the subject of what to do with all this extra money in the treasury Mrs. Seward asked me to bring in the stove, which I have been given to be aware, and such remarks as "It's too heavy for you, Gimmy," or "a big man for a big job!" are heard). President (pound raps from the gavel, and a song-song chant)—The meeting will come to order! For the president to introduce you that I'll throw out the next person who laughs out of turn.
The Several—How can we tell when it's our turn. You've never told us, lady.
President (laughing)—Shut up Proceed. Virginia
The Several (not to be downed)-- Shame on teacher! You laughed out of turn!
Virginia (taking matters into her own hands, and quieting them with the help of the sheriff) prove; it is to be reckoned with! The Several.-She wants us to help
Virginia—Be quiet, Now Mrs. Seward says that it's impossible for Emma to cook any longer for this mob on a four-hole stove.
The Several- Four-hole! Four-hole Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
Virginia—Will you be quiet? 7
return to the stove.
President—Hey! Where are you kide going? I didn't excuse you.
The Several (feinting a move to toward the kitchen, and singing in chorus)—"Come into the kitchen, my pretty mails, . . . "
The Several—Look out! It's hot!
(The chapter laughs uproariously)
The Several (in mock amazement
—But Ginny asked us to return t
the stove.
President (accompanied by loud raps from her gavel)—The meeting will come to order! For the fifth and last time I inform you that the next body breaks forth like that there'll be proceed. Proceed with the business.
Virginia—I can't proceed. Will some of the rest of you discuss the stove for awhile until I recuperate? I promised Mrs. Seward—"
President (kindly coming to the rescue)—Do I hear a motion that we buy Emma a new stove?
One of the Several—I make the motion.
Another of the Several—I second the motion.
President—You heard the motion. Signify approval by rising.
(There are whispers from the sleepy members of "What are we weeping over?" and "about?" They are reassured by The Several that it's "on" and "about" he stoves. Then the chapter rises to attention, like soldiers coming to attention, as
The Curtain Falls
Act I—(Do not be dismayed; this is the only act.)
The Kettle-Now what's the matter? How do you look I can ever boil if you're going to lose your energy like that?
The Stove—Oh dear, oh dear!
The Stove—I fear——I'm getting old.
The Kettle (bluntly)—You are.
The Stove—Well, you're not so youthful, either. Missy.
The Kettle (simmering)—There,
now. You're getting hot, and I'm
beginning to warm up myself. I'd
wave a hand. I'm five. My five
yogurt, younger than you.
The Stove—How you women do love to——.
The Kettle—You men are no better.
The Stove - S-Sass. Be still.
The Kettle - boiling now—filled
with water, ready to boil.
Stove (and she bolle over, her water sizzling
on the stove).
The Stove—Ouch.
The Kettle—Serves you right.
The Stove-Please, my dear, don't ever do, that again. It hurts. Besides, I'm getting too old to stand it without cracking.
The Kettle—There, there. I'm
orry.
The Stove—Kettle——.
The Kettle Yes, dear.
The Stove—Will you be the least bit sorry when I'm gone?
The Kettle—Tut! Don't speak of going. You know I could not get along without you.
The Stove—You'd find a new stove to take my place.
The Kettle—Never.
The Stove (encouraged)—I was rather a hot number once, wasn't it? The Kettle—You still are, when you encouraged and let yourself go out.
The Stove—But sometimes I cannot help it, when you are not here to keep my courage burning. It seems as if my cracks and scars appear so much plainer when you are gone. And I just get cold all over. I suppose that's to a sign of old age creeping on — to get cold all over.
The Kettle—Here, here! Who's speaking of old age? "You're just as old as you think you are!"
The Stove—Then you are just as shiny young Miss, eh?
The Kettle—Most assuredly.
The Stove—and I am your "red hot" fame?
The Kettle (giggling)—Sh! Some one might hear you, Stove.
The Stove—I don't care if the whole world of pots and pans hears me.
The Stove—Kettle, dear.
The Kettle—Yes, Stove.
world of pots and pans hears me.
The Kettle bubbles contentedly
for a few moments. All is still in the
kitchen. Then——
The Stove-If—now do not be dismayed, because this probably won't happen, but we must be ready for everything—if they should some day come and take me away, you cannot love the new store, would you?
The Kettle—Why do you ask it?
Do you not trust me?
The Sove—Oh, yes. Yes, my dear,
Only—.
The Kettle—Only?
The Stove—Only-well, you know so many attractive kettles like you warm up to any store that comes along.
The Kettle—That is not their fault,
The Stove—What do you mean?
The Kettle—I mean, they are so
pressure brought to me, the
pressure brought to them.
The Stove—What do you mean, pressure?
The Kettle—Well, the blazes put
under them, then. They do not wish
to play with fire, you understand,
and you should prevent it—knotless
prevent it—belong only-knotles.
The Stove (desperately)—I could not stand it, to think that another stove—
The Kettle-There. Don't think of it then. You know that I should crack wide open with grief if anything should happen to you, Stove.
The Stove—You really love me,
that much?
The Kettle- Of course I do.
The Stove-Sh- Here comes some-
body. . Oh! Ohi! . My God!
My God. Mr. Snowford.
Emma—No'm. Lawdy! Won't it be a relief to have a brand new stove to cook on?
the Stove-Man. The Stove- man is of villainous make-up, and business himself with taking the old oste out, while Mrs. Seward and Emma talk).
EH, IKE — there is more. The kettle's been boiling over while we were busy. You can't let that happen on the new store.
Mrs. S.-I think the girls were very wise to spend their money on this.
Emma—I bet you-ail was the one that made 'em do it.
Emma--I wish you-all would ask *em* to buy me a new kite, too, then. That one's jest about ready to leak all over creation.
Mrs. S—Well, they do listen to me when I ask things of them.
Mrs. S.-Why, Emma! That ketle isn't very old. And it was such an expensive one. The very most dependable grade I could buy.
Milkman just took a look at (Mrs. Seward picks up the kettle from the table where the Stove-Man has nailed it).
Mrs. S.-Goodness, Emma. Look here!
pondoire grade I could buy.
Emma - Well, jest look at it.
Emma—Lawdy! Mrs. Seward. I never knew it was that bad.
(There is discover a wide crack around the top of the Kettle.)
Emma (rolling her eyes)—DON'T you buy no more o' her kind o' kitties.
Emma—S—I won't. Sometimes I think the cheaper grades don't go
Mrs. S.-I won't. Sometimes I think the cheaper grades don't go to pieces so!
Curtain.
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