THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
KANSAN SCOOPS WORLD
news as it Might be Written by Telegraph Editors is Put Into Print
(NOTE—Newspapers are famous or their forehandedness. In view of some predictions for Wednesday, the University Daily Kansan has received the following press dispatches, and to make sure of their publication, releases them now. For the information of the reader, "Bun" is the elephant operator's lingo for "Bulletin.")
3ULLETIN
MARS, Dec. 17—(BY INTERSTELLAR WIRELESS TO THE DAILY KANSAN.)—Peculiar phoomena were observed today on the planet Earth, according to announcements from the Slick Observatory, ed-888
I
MARS, Dec. 17—BY INTERSTELLAR WIRELESS TO THE DAILY KANSAN—ADD RUN EARTH. —Astronomers are at a loss to explain the phenomena, but it is known that Earth is approaching dissolution.
Martian star-gazers have long been speculating as to the age of the Earth, and how long it might continue a star in the Martian sky.
It is pitonied out that a large group of planets today are in conjunction on one side of the Sun, and it is believed by scientists this may cause some material change to the Earth. wd----999
FLASH FLASH
DILUETIN
FLASH FLASI
WORLD COMES TO END.
wd----777
MARS, Dec. 17.—(BY INTERSTELLAR STELLAR TO THE DAILY KANSAN--LEAD BUN EARTH) Reporting, led by Idaho, earth tonight indicate the planes known as Earth has passed out of existence.
BILLETIN
MARS, Dec. 17.—(BY INTERSTELLAR WIRELESS TO THE DAILY KANSAN-LEAD ALL, EARTH).—Doubt was expressed tonight by leading Martian scientists of the report from Slick Observatory that the planet Earth had ceased to exist.
BULLETIN CORRECTION
MARS, Dec. 17 - EDITORS - Kill flash and bullet end of World Premature.
wd - 123
INTERSTELLAR WIRELESS (ED.)
INTERSTELLAR WIRELESS (INPRECEDENT LEAD ALL EARTH)—(BY INTERSTELLAR WIRELESS TO THE DAILY KANSAN)—The Earth did not pass out of existence today as was reported from Slick Observatory. Officer Jim McCarthy, of the Air Navys Mimastar, head of the Air Navy Observatory.
"We have professor for a long time," said Professor Mkmaxtar, "that the Earth is round. It ought to be mankind to the most child-like brain that anything which is round cannot come to an end."
From his year, the advance or decline of this University will begin What are you doing to make this m Greater K. U.
Letters to Santa Claus
K. U. Profs Revert to Type in Epistles to Patron Saint of Christmas
Dear Santa:
do this.
If you've got a dictionary—the kind that spells "dilapidate," I'd much appreciate same.
Helen Hoopes.
Helen Hoopes.
Dear Santa:
Please send me a lot of things for my little Ford. I love it very much and should like a nice radiator cover to keep it warm and some nice side curtains to keep it dry. I am a good boy.
Sammie Hunter.
Dear Santa Claus:
I am a good little boy and I teach chemistry on the Hill. I want so many things this year, dear Santa, that it would take a long, long time to enumerate them. But most of all, dear Santa, I want some more looking glasses. You see, those I did have are always later in the summer after Christmas. So whatever you do, Santa, don't forget, my looking glasses.
Howard Elsey.
Erasmus Haworth.
Dear Santo:
For goodness sake send me some petal powder. I need some to come down the hill. All the other boys have 'em.
Willie Dill,
Dear Santa:
Dear Santa:
I don't know if you make the oil fields on Christmas Eve or not mut if you don't, you can leave my presents at my home in Lawrence an I may be more grateful being me some more lively for my alliances as I have only eleven in mine.
About the worst thing I want is a big gold ring set with a nice gem of flawless gurine jet back into耳. Besides a new moustache, I've worn this one for years.) I don't know what else you had better bring. Please don't forget
I want a new sliderule as I must have something to go by if I am to slide around like this all winter.
Dear Santa:
Whereas: (1) it has been exceeding cold recently and my ears have waxed very cold, I petition that you bring me a pair of ear mugs like in the old days.
Whereas: (2) I have been sliding down hill on my neck and other parts of my anatomy lately, I imply you made me a nice sled to alide down hill on.
Bring me not torts, but please, dear Santa, bring me a choice assortment of rotorts, as my Senior Laws are becoming very wittery.
Please do not forget the aforesaite ear muffs, the aforementioned sled, (red, if you please) and the said records. Thanking you in advance, I am ready.
Yours Expectantly,
Doc Burdick.
You will find my stocking hanging at the left of the fireplace, which it will not be a sock but a hose I have borrowed from a lady friend of mine as it is more roomy and because the enrollment has increased since I have been Chancellor you should fill it clear up I think.
Dear Santa:
Please do not bring the students any naughty raids or paddles or freshman caps or anything that will divert their attention from their schoolwork and the coal situation. You may bring me whatever you like but I think you would show rare judgement if you inadvertently endow yourorship in law, a gray coupe which you can park in front of my house 'stead of our stocking. I almost forget, please bring me a new nasal twang as I have got to make a speech to students of the University of Kansas. Hopefully Fears.
Dear Santa:
Chaney
I have thought of some more things I want. I hope won will be wise enough to choose your presents as cording to the marginal utility theory and to make up for the quantity theory as I believe there are the best two theories extant.
BY THE WAY
Please bring me a new saddle on real leather and a pair of spurs as some of the boys in money are buckled. I brought these to me as I used to when I was young and in my prime. Bring me a new gold club (braseless preferred) and also a speech to make to the economics club. Please also come and see anything else you may have handy.
Fred Milliken, c23, expects to be released from the hospital Saturday after a week's stay due to throat trouble.
Olive Kirchner, c' 23, was able to leave the hospital Thursday night after a seige of eighteen days with a severe case of tonitis.
Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher Price, in Wellington, spent Thursday in Lawrence visiting their son Edwin F. Price, who was a student at Weaver's while in the city.
Phi Delta Chi announce the pledging of Archibald Kerr, phi.22, Toronto; Louis F. Miller, phi.21, Dodge City; Lute Harris, phi.21, Arkansas City; John Binford, phi.22, Wellesville; Orie Tnyer, phi.20, Dighton.
Glive Creek, fa '20, spent Saturday and Sunday in Kansas City, Mo
Jessie Newton from Manhattan, visited Bessie Gillis, c'21, over the week end.
Irma Burnett, c'20, spent Saturday and Sunday at her home in Linwood.
Boynton
Violet Matthews, from Topeka, is visiting at the Sigma Kappa house.
Mrs. H. Levitt spenta the week end with Hortence and Pauline Schweizer.
Eileen Van Sandt, c2'0, spent the week end in Kansas City, Mo.
Miss Helen Dayhoff, c23, entertained several friends at her home, 1203 Oread, Friday evening.
Mias Frances Campbell, c'21, spent
Harry L. Stover, e23, went to his home in Lincoln, after leaving the coal fields in Pittsburg, Saturday.
Bob Murphy, c'22, spent the week end in Kansas City, Mo
Saturday and Sunday at her home in Kansas City.
Catherine Campbell, c23, went to her home in Lakin Saturday evening; to remain there until the Christmas vacation.
Duston L. Spurgeon, c'21, went to Kansas City on business Friday.
C. B. Randall, 121, spent Saturday and Sunday in Topeka.
Miss Anna Marm was at home to several of the faculty women Sunday evening, in honor of Miss Greenfield, who will be soon for Alquijuelos, New Mexico.
Mrs. L. M. H. Wihard left for her home in Iola Thursday, after spending the week end with her daughter, Mary, and her sister, a school on account of a sprained ankle.
J. Lawton Bennett, c21, went to Hutchinson last week on business. He will remain there until after vacation.
Miss Viola Anderson took her Home Economics class to Kansas City, Mo., Friday to visit the packing houses, and some of the manufacturer-
Charles J. Slawson, c20, went to his home in Girard, after leaving Pitsburg, Saturday.
Miss Elfrieda Bruckmiller, c'20,
spent Sunday in Kansas City, Mo.
Certificates of Deposit
put your spare money in our certificates of deposit
They bear 3 per cent Interest
THE WATKINS NATIONAL BANK "The Bank where Students Bank"
CENTRAL EDUCATIONAL BUREAU
610 Metropolitan Bldg, St. Louis, Mo.
We have remunerative positions for available teachers. Write for
registration blanks. No advance fee.
W. J. HAWKINS, Manager
WEIWANT YOUR SHOE REPAIRING
Dyeing "ELECTRIC SHOE SHOP" Shining
[017 1-2 Mass. Street]
For The
We are making an especial showing of NEW SPRING BLOUSES of Net and Georgette, at regular prices reasonably marked from $3.95 to $25.00
Christmas Shopper
On Special Sale
Beginning Tomorrow
7 Dozen Georgette Waists.
Values to $12.00
at $5.75
All other Waists of Regular Stock
at 20% Reduction
Millinery
$5.00, $6.00, $6.50 Hats at . . . . . $2.95
$7.00 to $9.50 Hats at . . . . . $4.95
$10.00 to $12.00 Hats at . . . . $5.75
$14.00 to $25.00 Hats at . . . . $9.75
Gorgeous Gifts for Christmas
Make your Christmas one of elegance, consequence, value and year round usefulness. Table ware, time pieces or treasures are here now in magnificent display.
They are the sort of things that count in the estimation of the recipient. Besides their almost imperishable value they offer really worth while beauty and distinction whether for personal ornamentation or as embellishment' for the home.
What we show you here is absolutely dependable in quality, value, style and good taste.
"The Gift Shop"
JEWELERS
LAWRENCE, KANSAS
The Original Marks Jewelry Store
735 Massachusetts St.
A. MARKS & SON
The Misses Lucy and Alice Giger,
e22, moved to the Co-operative House,
122' Ohio Street, Saturday
Acacia announces the pledging of H. B. Bolton, 1222, John J. Kistler, c2'1, both of Alta Vista, and Ellis J. Allison, c2'5, of Chanute.
Elta Reinsch spent Saturday and Sunday at her home in Kansas City
Lester Patterson has been advanced to the rank of corporal at the Pittsburg mines.
Judge J. C. Suppenthal, of the School of Law, has an article in the School and Society Magazine for December 6 on "The Legal Status of the English Language in the American School System."
Gifts that appeal to Students
A T either of our stores you'll find the student idea in Christmas gifts predominating.
A GOOD part of your Christmas
shopping can be done at—
WE pride ourselves upon having bought selectively and knowingly, taking advantage of our knowledge of student wants.
ROWLANDS TWO STORES ON THE HILL
AND
Half Way Down the Hill from K.U. Library
Next Door to Bricks
READ IT
Here Is The Scout Oath
Before he becomes a scout a boy must promise On my honor I will do my best.
1. To do my duty to God and my country, and to obey the scout law.
2. To help other people at all times.
3. To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.
Will you help the boys of Lawrence establish a boy scout organization? If so see any of the following named men.
Fraser Hall ... Dean, Kelly
Blake Hall ... Prof. Alter
Green Hall ... Prof. MacMurray
Dyke Museum ... Prof. Hunter
Geology Building ... Dr. Moore
Snow Hall ... Prof. Hungerford
Robinson Gym ... Col. Harold Burdick
East Wing Administration Bldg. ... Prof. Frazier
West Wing Administration Bldg. ... Prof. Chubb
Fine Arts ... Prof. Downing
Engineering ... Prof. Shaad