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It Looks This Way ...
By Carol Heller
The most innocent and natural sounds turn into noisy nuisances in the quietness of Watson undergraduate library.
As the silence rings and the minutes drag slowly, students are only too eager to be entertained and detracted from their books ... or on the other hand, if they are cramming for a test, the slightest sound draws hostile glares.
FOR EXAMPLE, CONSIDER SQUEAKY SHOES. A MAN wearing a new pair of leather-squeaking shoes suddenly discovers it takes forever to journey across the library floor. Every head raises to contemplate him as he squeaks along. The same thing happens with heel caps, rubber-soled tennis shoes and steel-spiked high heels. It usually leads to a race of tiptoers.
A temperamental cigarette lighter is annoying at home, but as it flicks and flicks and flicts and refuses to light in the library, a fellow might decide a smoke isn't worth all those irate stares from all corners of the room.
When a man begins a hike across the room in new, stiff-cuffed blue jeans, he usually is walking spraddle-legged before he gets to the newspaper rack. Knock-kneed women wearing nylon hose suddenly wish they were bowlegged as audible swishing sounds accompany their gait. Freshman women with voluminous starched can-can petticoats crackle and rustle as they float along.
THE HUNGRY STUDENT WHO SNEAKS A PACKAGE OF potato chips into the library finds that after opening the sack he has lost his appetite. If he closes the sack and abstains, the paper still crackles. If he goes ahead and crackles through to the goodies, the sound of teeth crunching on potato chips draws contemptuous or envious stares. And if the hunger pangs aren't satisfied, hungry-stomach rumblings produce giggles. Students who crack away on sunflower seeds particularly are frowned upon. So are gum-poppers.
During flu-time the situation is especially critical. Sniffs are audible, but blowing one's nose into a handkerchief is even worse. Soft blowing produces gurgles and loud honks draw giggles from the observers.
Men who seek information from the reference librarian are handicapped. If they speak out loud, they draw hostile stares from nearby students. If they try to whisper, their voices crack and squeak.
Even a scratchy pen draws attention.
And although a cutie wearing red-plaid bermuda shorts may not make noise as she crosses the floor, she draws her full share of attention. So do a man with a beard and a hand-holding couple.
IF YOU WANT TO TREAD INCONSPICUOUSLY THROUGH the undergraduate library, leave your shoes at the door, walk in stocking feet, dress in soft flowing robes of jersey, and leave your cigarettes and potato chips at home. Make sure you're in good health and that you've had your supper. Arrive early and be sure your girl friend sits on the other side of the room so you won't be tempted to throw her kisses across the table. Gargle with lemon juice so your whisper isn't rusty. Bring a pincushion to jab pins into so that if you are tempted to utter curses you will have a substitute temper-outlet.
If studying in the library is important enough to you to make all these sacrifices, you will be inconspicuous.
But the library surely will become a boring place.
Student Disappears from Fraternity
A member of Kappa Eta Kappa, professional fraternity, has been reported missing.
Members of the fraternity said that Darrell Edward Myers, Overland Park junior, disappeared Tuesday night. Myers' clothes are still in his room. The reason for his disappearance is unknown.
Campus police described Myers as a 6-foot, 210-pound man with a stocky build and brown hair. He was driving a 1954 Ford with a Johnson County license tag number JO-6167.
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He later developed the study into the play, "Chris Christophersen." then rewrote it into "Anna Christie." This revision focuses on two central characters, Anna and her father.
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The story is about the regeneration of Anna under the influence of the sea and a man's love.
'Anna Christie' Is Developed Study
STEREO
Drama experts say that Eugene O'Neill's "Anna Christie," the KU Experimental Theatre production to be given Monday through Friday, could be considered a study in the evolution of a play.
Anna, left with relatives on a farm, flees from their cruelties and turns to prostitution for a living. When she returns to her father he realizes what has happened, but it is also clear to him that she has preserved a clean soul through the hardships of growing up alone.
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Party Chiefs Talk With Baudouin
BRUSSELS — (UPI)— Belgium's young King Baudouin appeared today to be trying to mediate an end to the strikes and violence that have shaken this nation for two and a half weeks.
The monarch conferred separately last night with Catholic Premier Gaston Eyskens and opposition Socialist Party President Leo Collard.
The meeting with Eyskens, which took place after the one with Collard, was kept secret until this morning and no details of either talk were disclosed.
KU Debaters Enter Air Academy Meet
University Daily Kansan
Alan Kimball, Lawrence senior,
and William Haught, Alamosa, Colo.
senior, recently entered the Air
Force Academy's Second Annual
National Invitational Debate Tournament.
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Ex-Turkish Officials Found Guilty of Treason
YASSIADA, Turkey — (UPI)—Former Turkish Premier Adnan Menderes and ex-Foreign Minister Fatin Zorlu were found guilty today of encouraging the anti-Greek riots five years ago.
Court sources said punishment would range from six months to two years in prison.
The court trying members of the deposed government for alleged treason acquitted former Turkish President Celal Bayer of fomenting the riots. Seven other defendants were declared innocent.
Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.—Satchel Faige
1961: YEAR OF DECISION
Well sir, here we are in 1961, which shows every sign of being quite a distinguished year. First off, it is the only year since 1951 which begins and ends with the Figure 1. Of course, when it comes to Figure 1's, 1961, though distinguished, can hardly compare with 1911, which, most people agree, had not just two, but three Figure 1's! This, I'll wager, is a record that will stand for at least two hundred years!
1911 was, incidentally, notable for many other things. It was, for example, the year in which the New York Giants played the Philadelphia Athletics in the World Series. As we all know, the New York Giants have since moved to San Francisco and the Philadelphia Athletics to Kansas City. There is a movement afoot at present to move Chicago to Phoenix—the city, not the baseball team. Phoenix, in turn, would of course move to Chicago. It is felt that the change would be broadening for residents of both cities. Many Chicago folks, for example, have never seen an ignaune. Many Phoenix folks, on the other hand, have never seen a frostbite.
There are, of course, certain difficulties attending a municipal shift of this size. For instance, to move Chicago you also have to move Lake Michigan. This, in itself, presents no great problem, what with modern scientific advances like electronics and the French cuff. But if you will look at your map, you will find that Lake Michigan is connected to all the other Great Lakes, which in turn are connected to the St. Lawrence Seaway, which
in turn is connected to the Atlantic Ocean. You start dragging Lake Michigan to Phoenix and, willy-nilly, you'll be dragging all that other stuff too. This would make our British allies terribly cross, and I can't say as I blame them. I mean, put yourself in their place. What if, for example, you were a British working man who had been saving and scrimping all year for a summer holiday at Brighton Beach, and then when you got to Brighton Beach there was 'tany ocean'. There you'd be with your inner tube and snorkel and nothing to do all day but dance the Lambeth Walk. This, you may be sure, would not make you NATO-minded!
I appeal most earnestly to the residents of Chicago and Phoenix to reconsider. I know it's no bowl of cherries going through life without ever seeing an iguanae or a frosttite, but I ask you—Chicagoans, Phoenicians—is it too big a price to pay for preserving the unity of the free world? I am sure that if you search your hearts you will make the right decision, for all of us—whether we live in frostbitten Chicago, iguana-ridden Phoenix, or narrow-lapelled New Haven—are first and foremost Americans!
But I digress. We were speaking of 1961, our new year. And new it is! There is, for one thing, new pleasure in Marlboro Cigarettes. How can there be new pleasure in Marlboros when that fine, flavorful blend, that clean easy draw filter, have not been altered? The answer is simple: each time you light a Marlboro, it is like the first time. The flavor is such that age cannot wither nor custom stale. Marlboro never palls, never jades, never dwindles into dull routine. Each pack, each cigarette, each puff, makes you glad all over again that you are a Marlboro smoker!
So, Marlboros in hand, let us march confidently into 1961. May good fortune attend our ventures! May happiness reign! May Chicago and Phoenix soon recover from their disappointment and join our bright cavalcade into a brave tomorrow!
© 1961 Max Shulman
The makers of Marlboro and of the new unfiltered king-size Philip Morris Commander join Old Max in adding their good wishes for a happy and peaceful 1961.