Don't fail to get Black's prices on all kinds of Boots and Shoes.
FULL OF FUN.
—A Michigan man who hnd lost his wife kept his store closed till after the funeral and then docked his clerks for lost time.
—The worm will turn when trodden upon, and you can safely bet that the barrel hoop will do the same thing. —Yonker's Gazette.
—A woman can drive a pair of dashing ponies, a bargain, an argument, or a hen; but when it comes to a little flat-headed tack—O my!—Burlington Free Press.
—A Dakota paper tells of a man at a political meeting who was "fired with indignation." We suppose this is only another way of saying he was put out. —Drakes' Magazine.
—"Just try to frighten me, will you?" said B——to M——"What for?" "I have got the hiccough, and if you frighten me it will make it go away at once." "Well then; here goes (shouting at the top of his voice): Lend me 500 francs!" "Ah! thanks; it is gone!"—Figaro.
—Prisoner (to his Lawyer) —"Do you think I will have justice shown me?" Lawyer —"I'm afraid you won't. You see I've managed to get two men on the jury who are opposed to capital punishment." -Life.
— "The diamonds in that bracelet, madam," said the jeweler, "were taken from an old nigrette." "Well, then, you needn't show 'em to me. I don't want any thing that was ever worn by one of them horrid actresses." — Jeweler's Weekly.
Ipstein—"Here's the de sootting shrimp. Leah." IPstein's Baby (foebly)—"Vot is it selling at, vater?" IPstein—"Twenty-five cents for a small potle." IPstein's Baby—"You better try de wholesale blace, water; you can safe forty ber shent, und I vas going to have a long spell mit der colie."—America.
— "So you and Herbert are going to be married?" said one young woman to another." "Yes, pretty soon."
"You didn't threaten him with a breach of promise suit, did you?"
"No. I merely showed him the photograph that I always keep concealed under the sofa." — Merchant Traveler.
— "Mamma," said Johnnie, still smarting from a shingle application, "is the roof of any thing on top of it?" "Of course it is," she said, shortly. "And don't shingles always go on the roof!" "Certainly they do." Then Johnnie was silent for quite a while. Finally he said, in a quavering voice: "Mamma, ain't my roof upside down?" — Washington Critic.
—“Do you think,” said Mrs. Killin, of San Francisco, “that my daughter is sufficiently intelligent to enter your seminary?” “I am sorry to say, madam,” replied the Boston teacher, “that your daughter doesn't even know the difference between a common and a proper noun.” “She don't! Well, have her taught straight off! I don't want any thing common about her. She must use only proper nouns in her speech.” —Time.
How a Swedish Prince Put Down a Purse-
Proud Old Nobleman.
LAST OF HIS RACE.
A good story is told of a purseproud old nobleman who was traveling through the rural districts of Sweden. Over in that country the people do not have quite as much respect for the titled aristocracy as in some other localities on the continent. One day this nobleman came rolling up to a country tavern, and as he stopped his carriage he called out in an imperious tone:
"Horses, tandlord; horses here at once."
"I am very much pained to inform you that you will have to wait over an hour before fresh horses can be brought in." replied the landlord.
"How!" violently exclaimed the nobleman, "this to me. My man, I demand horses at once."
Then observing the fre sh and sleek-looking horses which were being led up to another carriage, he said:
"They were ordered for this gentleman," answered the landlord, pointing to a tall, slim individual a few paces distant.
"For whom are those horses?"
"I say, my man," called out the nobleman to the silm gent. "will you let me have those horses if I pay you a liberal bonus therefor?"
"Not much," answered the slim gent, "I intend to use them myself." "This to me!" exclaimed the noble man.
"That's what I said," replied the slim man.
"Perhaps you are not aware who I am!" roared the now thoroughly agitated and frate nobleman. "I am, sir, Field-Marshal Baron George Sparre, the last and only one of my race."
"I am very glad to hear that," said the slim man, stepping into his carriage. "It would be a terrible thing to think that there might be more of you coming. I am inclined to think that your race will be a foot race."
The slim man was a brother of the King of Sweden — Texas Siftings.
A Bet Easily Won.
"Is that the second bell?" queried a drummer, as the hotel man across the way sounded hisong.
"No, they don't ring but one bell over there," replied the grocer.
"Why, you're mistaken, I—."
"Have you any cigars on it?"
"A dozen?"
"John." calling to a colored porter, "do they ring two bells at the Rhodes House?"
"No, sah; dey don't, sah; dey rings the same bell twicet!"—Detroit Free Press.
The seventh annual convention of the International Plasterer's Union began at St. Paul, Minn., on the 9th.
Matthew Feeney, an Irish boy who came to this country a short time ago, pleaded guilty at Chicago recently to a charge of burglary.
James Collins was horribly mangled by the explosion of four pounds of giant powder on a street at Spokane Falls, W. T., the other day.
In playing with a revolver near Dennison, la., the other day, Harry Torekes, aged fifteen, shot and killed Arthur Bessin, a playmate.
W. E. Curry, the University clerk, met with a serious accident on the morning of January 2d, by jumping off of a moving Santa Fe train. Mr. Curry, on returning from Topeka, passed the Lawrence station while asleep, whereupon awakening, he made a dash for the outside world and landed about a mile east of Lawrence in a somewhat uncomfortable condition. Severe bruises, cuts, scratches, and a sprained ankle were the results of the "leap for liberty."
W. HAYNE.
Practical Watchmaker and Engraver.
823 Mass. St.
NOE. DAVIES,
The Students' Tailor.
The Students Tailor, 921 Massachusetts street, over Straffton & Zimmerman's Drug Store. Carries an extra large line of Samples Students will find its advantage to call before going elsewhere
CARMEAN & HARBAUGH.
Livery and Hack Stables
FINE LIGHT LIVERY. HACKS MAKE
ALL TRAINS.
4 WINNIE.
Grocer.
TELEPHONE 139. Opposite Lawrence House.
Cor. Lee and Massachusetts Sts.
Students' ::- Club ::- Trade Solicited.
GROSS & BARKER
—are—
STAPLE AND FANCY GOOCERIES.
They have the largest shop and the best workmen in the city.
THE BOSS BARBERS.
STUDENTS' TRADE SOLICITRD.
814 Massachusetts Street
M. C. JOHNSON,
Proprietor of the
Eldridge House Livery Stable.
Finest Turn-outs in the city.
pe cial Rates to Stu dents.
MARVELOUS MEMORY DISCOVERY.
Four Books Learned in One Reading
A Year's Work Done in Ten Days.
Mind Wandering Cured.
Speaking Without Notes.
Wolly unlike artificial Systems.
Greatindemcu'ts to correspondence classes
Prospectus, with opinions of Dr. Wm. A.
Brown, Ph.D., at the University of Michigan
Diseases, Daniel Greenstein Thompson, the great
Psychologist, J. M. Buckley, D. D., Editor of
the Christian Advocate, Richard Proctor, the
Church Counselor, Judge Gibson, Judah P. Beniamin,
and others.
From the Chaplain of Exeter College, and Houghton syriac Prizenam Oxford.
Dear Sir;—In April, 1884 I suddenly received notice that my ordination examination would be held in a fortnight, so many of the students should be admitted for the Exam, should recommend a year's preparation in the case of any one so utterly unprepared as I was; but your system had so strengthened my math skills that I would have been able to give the gist of any book after reading it once. I therefore read Lightfoot, Predictor Harold Hancock and read many books that were successful in every one of the nine papers. The present Bishop of Edinburgh knows the facts.
[Rev.] JAMES MIDDLETON MACDONALD, [M. A.] To Prot. A. LOSSETTE, 327 FIRST Ave., N.Y.
$^1$ This System is thoroughly taught by correspondence. Send for prospectus.
Da LEE'S PHOTOGRAPH GALLERY
South Tennessee Street.
Finest Photo rooms in the city. Special rates to students.
A. A. RUSS.
Teeth extracted without pain by the use of Nitrous Oxide Gas.
Dentist,
Office hours from 8 to 12 m., and I to 5 p. m.
Office ever Field & Hargis' Book Store,
Lawrence, Kansas.
And Buns and Cookies and "such like things," R. J. SPIETZ, at 825 Mass. street, has what the students want. "Just like your mother at home makes."
OR BREAD
FOR BREAD
And Buns and Cookies and
oysters, Choice Candies, Cigars, Tobacco
Regular Meals, 25c; Regular Board, 8s; Meal
823 Massachusetts SUDET.
etc.
F. H. KLOCK'S,
Restaurant and Confectionery,
RS. PATTERSON,
At the corner of Adams and Kentucky streets—the Crew place,-hns several
LARGE AND WELL FURNISHED ROOMS to let to students,
WITH OR WITHOUT BOARD, AS MAY BE DESIRED
Those who wish a home-like boarding place,
convenient to the University, will do well to call.
Have the freshest stock of ___
STAPLE : and : FANCY GROCERIES.
— 942 AND $ 942 \frac{1}{2} $ MASSACHUSETTS STREET.
Special Rates Made to Students' Clubs. Patronage Kindly Solicited.
WILDER BROTHERS, ShirT : MakerS AND GENTS' FURNISHERS. LAWRENCE, KANSAS.
Students and everybody will do well to
Students and everybody will do well to all on us and be fitted out in Shirts and Underwear that have been made to order for parties and not taken. You can buy the finest goods for one-third the regular price.
Patronize our Custom Steam Laundry for nice work and low prices.
Work called for and delivered. Telephone No.67,
SHORT-HAND
For a Practical and Thorough
Attend
TYPE-WRITING COURSE,
Attend
E. H. MAYHEW's Short-hand and
Type-writing school, rooms Odd
Fellows' Hall, Lawrence, Kansas.
N. H. GOSLINE,
Fancy and Staple Groceries,
903 Massachusetts Street,
LAWRENCE.
SPEAKING OF MEAT,
If you want Nice Clean Fresh Meat go to Chas. Hess 1029 Mass. St. He makes best prices and treats you fairly.
MRS. ORME & ENGLE.
Proprietors of the
Proprietors of the
Dealers in all kinds of Millinery Goods. The
intest fashions always in hand. Students patronage cordially solicited
and carefully attended to.
Popular Milinery Establishment,
CALLEY
- KEEPS THE -
Popular Restaurant and Popular Lurch. Students boarding at Failey's can get meals at the University without extra charge.
KANSAS.
DAY BOARD, $3.00. MEAL TICKETS, $3.50
Y
J. F.MCONNELL, Merchant Tailor.
Latest Styles and Finest Cloths in the City.
W
TI
rect
G
no 1
Y
ines
SPECIAL RATES TO STUDENTS.
too
NEW OYSTER PARLOR.
WIEDEMANN has opened a first-class
OYSTER PARLOR in connection with his Confectionery store, and will make a specialty of Oysters for the winter season.
We Make a Specialty of Ladies' Fine Shoes, at the Lowest Prices in Lawrence, BLACK'S.
1