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University Daily Kansan
Monday, May 5, 1958
Fountain Foolishness
The glorious, always thinking class of '58 has come up with a new and original idea for a senior gift. They thought and racked their brains to decide what would most benefit the University of Kansas.
After due consideration and deliberation they decided. "What the University of Kansas really needs is another fountain. But we'll be original, we won't place the fountain at the end of Jayhawk Blvd, or next to the museum, we'll put it in front of the Music and Dramatic Arts Building."
And that, we think, is logical reasoning. We do need another fountain. The students have grown weary of putting soap bubbles and dye in the older established fountains on campus and they need a new toy with which to play.
Of course if we'd thought a bit ourselves, we might have been able to suggest this fine item.
Next year, if we're lucky, the class of '59 will put a fountain in front of the Law School so that the tide will come in at the 10 minute whistle to sweep our aspiring young law students right from the steps.
Perhaps at some time in the future a senior class will decide to erect a whole army of bronze Jayhawks to guard the University from outside invasion.
Oh yes, we really needed another fountain. Bet your life.
WALTER STRAUCH—Students, we need another fountain!
Lighter Side Of Congress
Rep. Joe Kilgore (D-Tex) says he has it on good authority that Congress is "the only institution of its kind" which the inmates are allowed to run for themselves.
Kilgore, being a bright young man, is not about to come right out and say what kind of institution he means. However, the following report from Rep. Glenn Cunningham (R-Neb) to his constituents may help in jumping to a conclusion:
"In 24 hours your heart beats 103,680 times. You breathe 23,040 times. You perspire 143 pints and your hair grows 01714 inch. You use 7 million brain cells and speak some 5,000 words.
"The average wordage in Washington must be much higher; sometimes I'm not sure about use of brain cells, though."
Another helpful hint has been dropped by Rep. Brooks Hays (D-Ark) who was reporting recently on what one school of thought advocates on how to train orators.
He said you give each pupil a mouthful of marbles. Each day of the course one of the marbles is removed. The student is considered an orator, and presumably equipped to run for office, when he has lost all his marbles.
Sen. Henry M. Jackson (D-Wash) warned the Senate recently that "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."
One reason so many of these turn up with Russian patents on them, Jackson continued, is that Russian children work harder than ours in school.
Petit Jean Mountain, a tourist attraction in Arkansas, was named for Jean la Caze, a French aristocrat who fled the Revolution with his wife and young son.
Soviet students must learn German, French, English, Spanish or Latin, he said. Some Russian grade schools, he added, even teach the 8 and 9 year olds how to speak Chinese, Hindi, Arabic, Parsi, and Urdu.
Another congressional source commented privately that this wasn't the worst of it. He said he heard Moscow children as young as three speaking Russian. And everybody knows what a tough language that is.
Geese hatched in an incubator will attach themselves to birds of other species or even to human beings whom they follow about as if they were real parents.
LITTLE MAN ON CAMPUS By Dick Bibler
"I UNDERSTAND THE ONLY EXAMINATION HE EVER PASSED WAS HIS PHYSICAL."
. Letters . About Zebus
Editor:
The milk of the Zebu was used as a stimulant by contestants in the Roman games. Many of the ancient Greeks attributed the beauty of their women to Zebu butter and warm zebus' milk used in their baths.
I have noticed in many of your editions that you have no respect or love for the poor downtrodden misunderstood Zebu. It seems the Zebu is an altogether worthless creature. However, according to Dr. Zorbenfob and Professor Zylch, the Zebu is one of the most versatile and useful creatures known to man.
Contrary to popular belief, psychoanalysis has worked on Zebus. Professor Zyleh, noted Zebuologist, has done much research in the field of Zebu psychoanalysis.
In Dr Zorbenfob's treatise "You and the Zebu" he has outlined a very good diet guaranteed to keep you slim, muscular, and free from worry.
If you must deride some beast in your newspaper, pick on the Free-Wheeling Newt or on the Nonfree-Wheeling Newt, but please leave the Zebu alone.
B. F. Villarreal
Daily Transan UNIVERSITY
Society for Betterment of Zebus
Big Hurricane Cavern near Western Grove. Ark, has a chain of chambers adorned with fantastic formations, including an onyx parrot, a stone airplane and rocks that ring like steel chimes.
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NEWS DEPARTMENT Dick Brown Managing Editor
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BUSINESS DEPARTMENT
SUA ART FORUM
Speaker
Professor in the Fine Arts Dept.
John Talleur
SPEAKING ON DELTA PHI DELTA'S
ART SHOW
4 p.m. Tues., May 6th
Student Union Music & Browsing Room
Use the Kansan Classified Want Ad Section to Get Best Results.
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