4 Monday, November 19, 1990 / University Daily Kansan Opinion THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN Call for session House, Senate provide proper forum for Bush to clarify to the public U.S. objectives in gulf P resident Bush should call Congress into session. Last week, several key senators called for a special congressional session to debate U.S. policy in the Persian Gulf. Bush wasn't keen on the idea, and presidential spokesperson Martin Fitzwater dismissed the proposal, saying only "There is no war." That is true. But the number of U.S. troops in the gulf is scheduled to reach levels comparable to those during the war in Vietnam. There was a shrewd president's plan back from defensive to offensive. And there is growing confusion about U.S. objectives. Forty-seven U.S. military personnel already have died in the desert during accidents associated with the deployment. The costs have skyrocketed. And the public is increasingly uncomfortable with the involvement of U.S. troops. All this without a public debate. All this without a protest. Even normally bombastic members of Congress were unusually reserved in their comments about gulf policy before the Nov. 6 election. And with Congress adjourned, no opportunity for debate will exist. Senatorial powerhouses at opposite ends of the political spectrum are calling for the special session. Minority Leader Bob Dole wants ballyboing members of Congress to "put up or shut up" in a vote about Bush's policy in the gulf. He recognizes that the United States' role in Operation Desert Shield must be a national effort — not merely an executive branch effort — and he wants members of Congress to establish a record of support or opposition to the operation. Democratic Sen. Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts, usually a Dole foe, also wants a special session. He proposes that Congress take action. The president from taking offensive action Critics of a special session, including Majority Leader George Mitchell, argue that the president, as commander in chief, has sufficient power to deploy troops and rattle sabres without congressional approval. Unless shooting starts, they say, why call Congress into session at taxpayers' expense? Mitchell plans instead to conduct the gulf debate in congressal committees until Colorado. But a session is the better option. The president should use an address to a joint session of Congress to define clearly U.S. objectives. Derek Schmidt for the editorial board 'Hawks earn praise Players excel in academics as well as athletics W with the Jayhawk football season over, the 'Hawks deserve a pat on the back for a tremendous effort on and off the field this year. In addition to surprising long-time opponents with determination and talent, four Jayhawk football players made the academic all-Big Eight team. Offensive guard Smith Holland (the only 4.0 GPA in Big Eight football), running back Maurice Douglas, offensive tackle Chris Perez and linebacker Curtis Moore were named to the team. Holland is majoring in business administration; Douglas, in journalism; Perez, in communications; and Moore, in business. Other Jayhawk teams placed players on the academic team. In cross country, 10 runners were named to the academic team Donnie Anderson, Jason Teal, Richard Staats, Hayle Howerton, Patty Rochford, Kelly Coffey, Tony Gundy, Cindy Lewis, Lynn Roberts and Robebe Smith qualified for the national 3.0 GPA while competing in their sport. Kim DeHoff, Julie Woodruff and Lisa Seigle were selected to the academic volleyball honor roll. Fans should appreciate and admire the hours of practice these student athletes put into their sport while emphasizing scholastic achievement. It is a positive reflection on the difficult balance between academics and sports at the University of Kansas. Christine Reinolds for the editorial board IN THE SKYBOX AT THE DESERT SHIELD BOWL The change machine conspiracy I's the little things: the way your roommate picks her nose when she thinks you aren't looking, the way your mother lays a guilt trip on you to come home every weekend. The way the change machine gives you three quarters, two dimes and a nickel. Yes, they are small; sure, they're insignificant, but the little things need to get on your nerves. You can ignore your roommate or placate your mother by coming home more, but the change machines – those It seems nothing can be done. The change machine is an indecipherable mystery of life. Ours is not to question why it gives us change we don't need. Not what? OK. one thing I have learned in my various science classes (perhaps the only thing I'll ever actually use in daily life) is that if a problem is too big, you have to first break it down into its components and then put it back So, the change machines are used for three main things; parking meters, candy machines, and washers All of these devices accept quarters, and the washers and drivers accept nothing else. If there is a chronic shortage of quarters, but not of smaller change, like for instance, dimes and nickels, then shouldn't the change machine correct that shortage by offering quarters, the needed commodity? The corner cash machine does not spit out yen or pesas because we have no need for those in the United States. So why does the residence hall change machine spit out dimes and nickels? Amelia Beard Staff columnist It's a conspiracy, that's why Somewhere, up in the invisible echelons of the University of Kansas command, hides a power-hungry person who hopes to increase her/her income by getting rid of students without their parents knowing. This is a complex and insidious plot which involves pouring so much loose change into the pockets of students that they can no longer move It's true! Has your roommate disappeared? Or have you missed seeing the guy down the hall? It's all part of this ingenuous plan to rid the University of messy, noisy students. Where are these missing few? Why, pinned to the floor with the weight of unwashed, unwanted nickels and dimes. Yes, they are all plotting against us, but there is still time! Empty your pockets now and send those unneeded and, in fact, potentially dangerous dimes and nickels to me. I will dispose of them neatly and efficiently. Don't waste any time. You can still save your college career and fight the conspiracy Be careful, and beware of change machines. The truth behind Lady Di's $7-a-day undies habit Amelia Beard is an Atchison senior majoring in journalism. Although I pay little attention to the English royal family because most of them seem a little dim, a recent news item caught my eye. He meticulously lists the number of evening gowns she has bought (95), dresses (175), pairs of shoes (350) and so on. None of that seems unreasonable since Princess Diana has to attend a lot of dinners and tea parties, and it wouldn't do for her to look like a An English journalist has written a book about Princess Diana, and he goes into great detail about how she managed to achieve her status she married Prince Charles in 1981. But the journalist also revealed that since 1981 she has spent $22,950 on underwear. First, I felt sadness for that journalist, who is said to be England's leading royalty-watcher. He spends most of his time gathering all sorts of tidbits, crumbs and dabs and dabs about the royal family. Two things struck me about that bit of information. I can't criticize him for making a living, but I have to wonder how he must feel while snooping out how much someone spends on her under- Because the royal family shuns him, I assume that he goes to the princess's favorite underwear shops Mike Royko Syndicated columnist and says something like: "Pst, here's 5 bob, girl, how's about telling me how many bloomers Di bought this week?" When this English journalist was just a lot, his parents surely bounced him on their knees and wondered what he would be when he grew up. A barrister? A member of Parliament? Possibly the prime minister? Even Sam Donaldson wouldn't do something like that, although Geraldo might But I suppose a job is a job, and if the world demands to know how much Di spends on her underwear, somebody has to do it. and he has. Because I have a wrist wristwatch that has a calculator mode, I'm constantly punching in numbers. And I don't care about them. For nine years, I immediately worked it I doubt if they would have imagined that he would someday reveal how much the Princess of Wales spends on undies. They probably said: "Better the lad becomes a humble but honest chimney sweep." out. That's $2,550 a year. Or $212 and odd change a month. Or about $7 a day. A startling figure. As I said, I can understand her buying all those gowns, dresses, shoes and other outer garments. She never knows when photographers will jump out of the camera to greet people. People magazine. So she can't go around looking like a bag lady or, even worse, the Queen Mother But assuming that she doesn't do handstands or back flips in public, her underwear isn't going to be seen. Snobby sorts aren't going to sniff. "Pmnn! Swee that very same underwear at last week's cucumber sandwich and tea for the Homeless Cockey Waifs Society." But I $^1$ would think that even the poorest relative or humblest downstairs maid would be offended if she was asked to wear a skirt some of my used underwear?" Besides, after she wears a gown a couple of times, she can always give it to a less privileged relative or a child. Or it is to some charitable organization. Using my calculator, I've also determined that, in my entire life, which is considerably longer than the princess', I haven't spent anything close to $2,950 on underwear. Even if I live to a ripe age, I don't project spending that much. And, unlike the princess, I have to shovel the walk in the winter, so I'm required to spend a certain amount extra for long johns I was pondering the princess' underwear bills when I bumped into Slats Grobnik. To my surprise, he didn't seem at all surprised. He said, "It just shows that she had read what you said." How do you come to that conclusion? "Her mudder gave her the same advice that my mudder gave me and your mudder gave you." To spend $212 a month on underwear? That's true. My mother did tell me that. Everybody's mother told them that. So that explains it. How would it look if there was a headline that said, "Princess Di Jiarred in Car Crash; Nurses Tittered at Tattered Undies." "Of course not. She wears one size bigger." "Sure," Slats said. "That's why I always get the best khaki klaxo shorts that they sell at the Army and the military store, and I get em for my wife too." "Nah, her murder wouldn't have told her that. But I bet she said, 'Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident.' " Mike Royko is a syndicated columnist for the Chicago Tribune. You buy your wife the same kind of boxe shorts you wear? same question: "So Leigh, have you picked the five shows for Rock Chalk Revue yet?" They always seem a bit surprised by my answer. Yet my answer is always the same: "Who me? I have absolutely nothing to do with decision." The standard response is always along the lines of, "Well, who does then?" So here and now, for all to see, I shall conclusively answer that question an independent panel of judges has the honor (or shall I say the arduous task) of selecting the five Rock Chalk Revue finalists. This year, there are 11 esteemed judges with varying ages and backgrounds. They do, however, have a few things in common: none is affiliated with any RU living group, none is a student of Rock Chalk, the University of Kansas, all have some knowledge of Rock Chalk Revue and all possess some area of expertise in theater. Last night, the judges' final ballots were collected and sealed in an envelope, which was kept secure through the light under Revue is revealed Until the finalists are announced, they will be the only two who know the results. And even they will not know which shows belong to which groups, for example, if a person is a previously assigned number. our faculty adviser's pillow. This afternoon our adviser along with an independent party will tabulate the votes and again seal them in Leigh Reinhart Guest columnist So there you have it. Now you know how it works. It is full of integrity and as fair as we can get it, and the truth of the matter is it would not want to have to make the decision. It will be hard enough for me to read the results tonight. One thing I know for sure. No matter who the judges have pickd, Rock Chalk Revue will be one cell of a show. > Leigh Reinhart is a Merriam senior majoring in journalism and is executive director of Rock Chalk Revue. KANSAN STAFF DEREK SCHMIDT D during the past couple of weeks. I have had numerous people ask me the Editor KJERSTIN GABRIELSON Managing editor TOM EBLEN General manager, news adviser Editors Editors News Julie Mettenburg Editorial Mary Neubauer Planning Pam Solnier Campus Helen Newton Photo Brent Maycock Photo Andrew Morrison Graphics Brett Brener Features Stacy Smith MARGARET TOWNSEND Business manager MINDY MORRIS Retail sales manager JEANNE HINES Sales and marketing adviser Campus sales mgr...Cristi Doolan Regional sales mgr...Jacob Schmalzmierd National sales mgr...David Price Co-op sales mgr...Deborah Salzer Production mgr...Missy Miller Production assistant...Julie Aixland Marketing director...Audra Langford Creative director...Gail Einbinder Letters should be typed, double-spaced and written up to 200 words. They must include the writer's name, signature, name address and telephone number. Writers affiliated with the University of Kansas should include their name and telephone number. Great columns should be typed, double-spaced and fewer than 700 words. The writer will be photographed. The Karenavara reserves the right to object or edit letters, guest columns and macros. They can be used as a substitute for text but cannot alter the content of the document. They are the option of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Karenavara. Editorialists are the authors of the written content. Three Imaginary Girls I IUST REMEMBERED WAY I LANDLIFE FLOP SO MUCH. IT'S SUCH A QUIET, OUT- OF THE-WAY, OUT- By Tom Avery TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT. I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME WEAPONRY TO GET TO THE BAR I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE BOUNT THAT MACH