University Daily Kansan / Tuesdav. November 13, 1990
5
Today even miracles are for sale
Sherley Chedd (her name's been altered to protect the innocent) was the recipient of a miracle on the last day of December 1989
Her morning hadn't started all that well. In fact, she claimed to be suffering incredible stomach pain from a peptic ulcer "the size of a golf ball" and complications from previous stomach surgery. The poor could hardly eat and somehow knew she "could not go on much longer."
Well, praise Jesus, help was on the way. Though many of us would have dialed 911 or figured there was no hope and we might as well pour a stuff of grief that is more creative. She appalled at a higher need — her television set.
You see, although Shirl was on her deathbed, she was able to muster up enough energy to place her hand on the screen. She did this "knowing without a doubt that God was about to heal me." (Of course, if you tried this at home, especially on a dry day, you would not be available is jolting static electricity. But remember, friends and neighbors, this was a Miracle.)
Buck Taylor
Staff columnist
I'd sum up the next wondrous
event, although I feel it's truly sister Shirley's moment. Be prepared now; it's miracle time.
"God's power came over me and I was healed immediately!"
Now please don't call the Kansan begging for healthy Shirley's secret of static heating. And those of you who are sick should be free of no concept of the spiritual teachings of patience and will never fully enjoy happiness. (That's probably from the Bible; then again maybe it was in a cookie. Either way, he wears the warmen!"
Amazing. From near death to instantaneous recovery within seconds. And then, to silence you disbelievers, she even went to see her doctor in April and received a clean bill of health.
All right, as long as that's out of the way, let's get on to miracles. And
when those who are plagued by emotional or physical pain realize just how easy the road to good health can be, we have to consider a new line of work.
The answer close your eyes, fine people, and feel the divine power bring the message to you) is close at hand. Yes, sufferers, just reach down into your pockets, purses and that dark void beneath your car seats and raise the healing power toward the heavens
As you place the almighty booklet on a hard surface conducive to writing, notice the cool plastic of its cover. Let your fingers caress the crisp, perfectly rectangular paper in a thick glove, gliding motion your ballpoint makes while entering numerals into the amount box.
Please understand, friends, the good Lord sees checkbooks of all sizes, races and creeds. The big Kahuna uipstairs is not real picky. Just send in however much you want. There are sions, RV and youngest daughter.
Allow our good friend and televangelist Oral Roberts to demonstrate. You see, honest Oral depends
on his ministry to "sow seeds of faith" in order to keep his gold jewelry shiny. For example, sick sister Shirley sent Oral "a $20 seed of faith" to cure her pain, and now she asks God for my healing every day."
Difficult to believe, but by merely contributing a double-savbuck and feeling up your Zenith big screen you too can be eligible for a miracle.
Whatever happened to the really good miracles of yesteryear? You know, the kind that don't accept checks. Take a common amazing deed like the Immaculate Conception. Now that was a feat. I mean there's no way the Virgin Mary had any idea that was around the corner.
Fast-food 1990 miracle it was not, and it certainly wouldn't occur today. (However, I have a buddy that said that happened to an old girlfriend, but we all figured he was just talking.)
It seems encountering miracles these days is so easy, any idiot could do it.
And apparently many of them do.
Buck Taylor is a Winnetka, Ill., senior majoring in journalism.
Other Voices
Farm bill on right path
It is a complex tangle of economic, political, social and even philosophical issues, served up as a House Senate compromise covering national agricultural policy for the next five years.
There is no more bedeviling piece of federal legislation than the 1990 Farm Bill.
In general, the $14 billion bill seems headed in the right direction. First, it cuts more than $12 billion
First, it cuts more than $13 billion
in subsidies for agricultural products.
Second, it contains economic, scientific and environmental strictures designed to reduce federal costs and to less damage to the environment.
Our long-term hope is that U.S. agriculture be offered federal assistance as soon as possible and to as great an extent as possible.
From the Green Bay (Wis.) Press-Gazette
Get Ahead This Semester
$6.00 - $8.00/HR. GUARANTEED
WE OFFER:
- Paid Training • Advancement Opportunities
• Flexible Hours • Valuable Sales Experience
• Full and Part Time Position
CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT TODAY! 841-1200
ENTERTEL, INC #
Full and Part-Time Positions
SELL IT FAST IN THE KANSAN CLASSIFIED
619 MASS. LAWRENCE. KS.
E. O.E m/f/h
TALL GUY (R) 5:30, 8:30
METROPOLITAN (PG-13) 5:45, 8:45
MEMPHIS BELLE (PG-13)
GRAVEYARD SHIFT (R)
Monday-Thursday: (*4*50)-7-25 9-25
WHITE PALACE (R)
Monday-Thursday: (*5:00)-7:15-9:40
QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER (PC-13)
Monday-Thursday: (*4:40)-7.05-9:30
JACOB'S LADDER (R)
Monday-Thursday: (*4:25)-7:00-9:30
MR. DESTINY (PG-13)
Monday-Thursday: (*4-45):7:10-9:45
Crown Cinema
BEFORE & P.M.-ADULTS $3.00
(LIMITED TO SEATING)
SENIOR CITIZENS - $3.00
VARSITY
1015 MASSACHUSETTS, 841-519L
HENRY & JUNE (NC-17) EVE 5:15 8:00
HILLCREST
825 JOWA
AVALON (PG) EVE: 5.00 7.19 9.45
CAPELLE HEIGHTS (R) EVE: 5.00 7.19 9.45
CHILDLS PLAY (R) EVE: 5.00 7.19 9.45
GHOST (PG-3) EVE: 5.15 7.30 9.30
BISING RAILWAY (PG-13) EVE: 5.00 7.30 9.30
CINEMA TWIN ALL $1.50
J110 IOWA 842-6400
story idea? 864-4810
DUCK TAILS (G) EVE 7.30
PRETTY WOMAN (R) EVE 5.15-3.90
MY BLUE HEAVEN (PG13) EVE 5.30 7.30 9.30
SHOWTIMES FOR TODAY ONLY
WATERBEDS
$149 25
COMPLETE
All sizes:
King, Queen, Super Single
Mon - Thurs 10 - 6
Fri & Sat 10 - 5
710 W. 6th
842-1411
"Your Passport To A Career"
Travel Agent • Corporate Travel
Maint. • Tour Operator • Convention
Planner • Hotel & Airline Industry
Rental Agent • Cruise Line Reservations • Travel Promotions
BRYAN TRAVEL COLLEGES
CURRICULUM
24 CREDIT HOUR
CURRICULUM
CONCELUSUM
TRAVEL GEOGRAPHY
DAY & EVENING CLASSES
COMPUTER TRAINING FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE PLACEMENT ASSISTANCE
1527 FAIRLAWN RD.
TOPEKA, K6 6604
1-800-255-3507
1-800-255-3507
CAMPUS OUTLET
Cold Outside, Warm Inside!
Open 7 Days a Week
Mon. - Thurs. 10-7
Friday 10-5
Saturday 9-5
Sunday 12-5
Heavyweight Reverse Weave Sweatshirts $25
Christmas Gift Headquarters!
Most T-Shirts $8 & $8.50 865-5060 The Bright Blue Building Across From Haskell JC 23rd & Barker
When you have Call Return from Southwestern Bell Telephone, that's exactly what your phone does with calls that would otherwise be lost—it gets them back for you.
Say you can't answer the phone before it stops ringing. Don't worry. Just hit *69 on your touchpad and your phone dials the number of your last incoming call.
In a flash, Call Return retrieves calls that would've vanished into thin air.
Subscribe to Call Return for only $4 a month. When you do, you can subscribe to another of Southwestern Bell Telephone's convenient calling options—Priority Call—for just $1. Contact your Southwestern Bell Telephone business office for details.
Call Return. Get it and get back those calls.
Southwestern Bell Telephone
The one to call on.
Installation free for a limited time. Not available in all areas or to party line customers. Some telephone may not be compatible with some calling options