hilltopics Images People Features 6A
Friday, November 17, 2000
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By Meghan Bainum writer@kansan.com Kansan staff writer
Go into a man's bathroom — sneak in if you have to — and look at his grooming products.
You usually will see a collection of cheap shampoo (conditioner if he's high-maintenance), one bar of soap and some grungy bottles of shaving cream and lotion. You might see a loofah-puff but that's unusual.
This is a big difference from my, and many other women's, bath product collection. I have hundreds of bath products, all carefully selected by small, texture and purpose. For me, bathing is a sacred ritual. It takes time, effort and careful powers of selection. The scent of my shampoo must match the scent of my body wash, which must match my perfume and so on.
This is not so with my friend Andy Gassaway. He seemed mystified when I was horrified by his bath product selection. Forsaking all of my carefully matched combos, I decided to take a walk on the guy side of personal hygiene and shower like a man.
Step one: Head & Shoulders Intensive
Step one: Head & Shoulders Intensive Treatment dandruff and seborrheic dermatitis shampoo
I was worried when I read the label on this bath product. Seborrheic? Dermatitis? I'm used to seeing words such as ginger flower and papaya extract on my shampoo bottles. When I poured the gunk into my hands, my worries intensified. The shampoo — goop — was bright orange and smelled like chemicals. This never would have passed my pre-buy smell test.
As I went through the lather and rinse process, instead of a "tingle to know it was working," my scalf felt as though it had caught fire. I was amazed my hair didn't rinse off with the shampoo.
I looked for the conditioner to relieve my steaming skull.
Step two: Herbal Essences Light conditioning for fine/lim hair
This was a little less foreign. Herbal Essences had been in my bathing repertoire before and had passed with fair to good marks. I wasn't confident that light conditioning was going to repair the damage done to my hair by the toxi-goo shampooing. I guess guys don't have backup bathing products for those extra-dry hair days. The Herbal Essences came out a more natural opaque white color and smelled slightly more human. It worked fairly well but did not fully rid my head of the burning sensation from the shampoo.
Step three: Colgate shave cream
Step four: Lever 2000 body wash
I just didn't have the courage to shave with the yellowish glop that came out of the rusty can of Colgate shaving cream. Not even my openness to experimentation could allow me to take that kind of risk with my bikini line.
The Pure Rain scent promised to "refresh me like a cool drenching rain on the hottest summer day." That and the pretty, vivid blue color of the product led me to think this might begin to be enjoyable. As I squirted the blue goo onto my loofah-puff — the only semblance of womanhood left in my shower — I was ready for a refreshing experience. And got it. I found that "refreshing" means something a little bit different than "moisturizing." After I rinsed the suds off and towel dried, my skin felt like sandpaper.
Chemically burned and itching, I went on to the next step in my shower-like a-man marathon.
Sten five: Suave Skin Therapy Lotion
Thank God guys have some uses for lotion. Suave Skin Therapy Lotion wouldn't be my first choice for any dryskin emergency. The lotion smelled like medicine, and the texture made me gaze longingly at the wild berry and vitamin C lotion sitting on my shelf. But for the journalistic integrity of the experience, I gritted my teeth and kept smearing on the Suave.
Step skx: Speed Stick Ultimate Northern Ice antiperspirant and deodorant
I rolled on the deodorant — the only scent for the day. Rather along the lines of the Lever 2000"s "cool drenching rain" but not as nice as my many sprays and perfumes — not to mention my own orchard blossom deodorant. I smelled neutral — like a hospital clean scent.
The end result:
The best part about the experience was its length: 10 minutes. The worst part was I was itchy, my hair looked like straw and the lack of morning ritual threw off my whole day. Let's just say I'll continue to happily horde my bath products and, after this experience, will use them with a newfound reverence.
After all, it's not just a shower—it's a way of life.
Edited by Warisa Chulindra
Andy Gassaway, Neodesha junior, reclines in a bubbly tub with fragrant Caress body wash. Gassaway tried Kansan reporter Meghan Bainum's bathing items. Portrait by Carrie Julian/KANSAN
Men and women use different supplies for morning bathing
Bainum samples Gasseway's dandruff shampoo. Bainum said using the shampoo was the most painful showering experience she ever had. Portrait by Carrie Julian/KANSAN
By Andy Gassaway Special to the Kansan
I was convinced to take part in an experiment that would redefine bathing as I knew it. My usual soaps and shaving cream were confiscated and replaced with a big box filled with flower-emblazoned bottles of ultra-moisturizing, vitamin extract-enriched shampoos, conditioners, shave creams and scented sprays on-loan from the other half of the experiment, my friend Meghan Bainum.
My foray into the world of women's hygiene was about to begin.
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Phase one: Cleansing
I looked at the clock and saw I had 40 minutes to get ready before my first class. So I gathered up my flowery arsenal and headed for the shower. At first it was strange to meddle with the extremely feminine, Back to Basics wildberry shampoo and conditioner. But I admit that the smell was a nice change from the industrial floor cleaner funk of my usual shampoo.
The moisturizing body wash, Herbal Essences — full of ultra-germinated vitamin D with lilac and daisy extract — smelled lovely, too. It was almost as if I were showering in a botanical garden instead of my own filth-encrusted bathroom.
Phase two: Moisturization
I began by pulling out the Clinique "Dramatically Different" moisturizing lotion, which was a runny yellow goop that I'm sure was supposed to go on my face. I poured out too much and because I was told that it wasn't cheap, I felt obligated to rub every drop of it into my face.
Next, I reached into the box and pulled out a big white bottle of firming lotion. I couldn't figure out where I was supposed to apply it. The bottle featured a scribbled drawing of a pair of woman's legs, which I thought might have been a clue, but I decided not to chance it. Instead, I pulled out a pink bottle of hand lotion, which I immediately recognized as being much more heavy-duty than my 99 cent bottle of Suave. Not only did this stuff contain vitamin C and fresh berry extract, it was also "micro-powered" to make my skin operate at an optimum moisture level.
Phase three: Fragrances
This is where things started getting bizarre.
With most guys, the No.1 goal of preparing for a day in public is to smell like nothing. According to my instructions, this is not the case with women. I was told three levels of fragrance exist: a nice base, a middle ground and something a little outgoing.
Rummaging through the box, I found a tall bottle of State of Mind Body Dew. It had a friendly, slightly flowery aroma, so I decided to make it my base scent.
next, I retrieved the bottle of Victoria's Secret strawberries and champagne Body Splash and sprayed it around my chest and neck. Suddenly I realized I had crossed the point of no return — I was starting to feel a little dirty.
Finally, it was time to choose the grand finale. I saw a little bottle at the bottom of the box called Love Potion No. 9. The label read: "Just a few drops of naughty No. 9 will turn a mere mortal into the ultimate man target." I thought about it for a second and decided if I was going to go all out, I had to use Love Potion No. 9. I dropped a couple of dabs on my wrist, feeling even dirtier.
Phase four: The day
I was ready to face the world as a beacon of sensual aromas and adequate bodily moisture. But this state of beauty came at a price. Looking at the clock, I saw that I had four minutes to make it to class. I had underestimated the time of an average woman's morning routine. Usually I have to吃 breakfast and watch cartoons, but that morning I had to forgo both.
During my first class, I was disappointed that no one said a word about my scent being different or my hair having a new, healthier sheen. The girl sitting next to me kept looking at me from time to time throughout the hour with a puzzled look on her face.
After class, my friend and I decided to go the Union for lunch, and I made sure he was walking downwind from me. Finally, he spoke up.
"Dude! Are you wearing Petchouli today or something?" he asked.
I don't want to call the manufacturers of Love Potion No.9,11, but I don't think he was turned on at all.
I never will take the simplicity and efficiency of my morning bathing routine for granted again. Having dared to venture into territory that few men have experienced, I emerged wiser and more outwardly fragrant.
I suppose it wasn't too traumatic, but I don't think I'll ever be so glad to see my Head and Shoulders shampoo and my rusty can of Colgate shaving cream again.
Edited by Warisa Chulindra
The cost of the other half's routine
• Back to Basics wild berry shampoo: $8.99
• Back to Basics wild berry conditioner: $6.99
• Nurtial Essences ultra rich moisturizing body wash: $6.99
• Clinique dramatically different moisturizing lotion: $19.50
• Nivea Body skin firming lotion: $7.99
• Rejuvenating vitamin C and fresh berry micro-powered moisture moisturizing lotion: $3.99
• State of Mind Body Dow in frozen: $7.99
• Victoria's Secret strawberries and clove mature body serum: $12.50
• Luna Petron No. 9: $14.99
• Sensation $89.99
• Botanical moisturizer 2
• Botanical moisturizer 3