Wednesday, November 15, 2000
The University Daily Kansan
Section B·Page 7
7
Sex on the Hill
Communication lifestyle can help improve sex life
Bv Jacob Roddv
By Jacob Roddy Special to the Kansan
Sex in America, a 1994 University of Chicago study, concluded that people in monogamous relationships have the most sex and are happiest with their sex lives.
Sheryle Gallant, University of Kansas associate professor of psychology and instructor of an intimate relationships class, said the best way for students in monogamous relationships to enhance their sex lives was to improve communication between partners.
Students may have a difficult time dis cussing issues concerning sex because they don't want their partner to feel inadequate. Students may also be concerned if there is a difference in the level of sexual experience between partners, Gallant said, but fear could keep them from having the kind of sex life that they desire.
She also said that men and women may approach sex differently.
"Guys can be satisfied with just a physical experience, while girls often want sex to be part of a strong emotional bond," Gallant said.
Raaean Scharenberg, Lawrence senior and former co-host of the 1988 KJHK program Simply Sex, agreed with Gallant that good communication between partners was fundamental in improving one's sex life.
"Know yourself, know what you like and know how to communicate it to your partner," she said. "You need to be comfortable enough with your partner to communicate with them what you like."
Scharenberg also said that being physi cally active could help improve sex.
Gallant said she wasn't aware of any research that linked cardiovascular health with a better sex life, but said people in good physical condition are more likely to be seen as attractive and more sexually appealing.
Gallant said another issue facing couples was stress. Stress can lead to fatigue, which may detract from a couple's desire to have sex. Getting more sleep and reducing stress could help reduce the problem.
In addition, studies have shown that small amounts of alcohol could increase arousal, but excess amounts could have the opposite effect, Gallant said.
Scharenberg said another option that may help spice up students' sex lives was to check out the offerings of a store such as Naughty but Nice, 1741 Massachusetts St., for a kinky alternative. She said products such as adult videos and ribbed condoms added a different twist to sex.
Richard Osburn, owner of Naughty but Nice, said the store's products could enhance students' sex lives, and although some of the more racy options didn't appeal to everyone, more mainstream items were available.
"It can be about setting the scene or creating an atmosphere with candles, with incense or with a nice, scented lotion and giving one another a back rub," he said.
Osburn also said it was important for students to know their partners and to practice safe sex.
- Edited by Sara Nutt
As part of an investigative feature for the University Daily Kansan's annual "Sex on the Hill" special section, I used my ethernet connection to try and get something I'd never got before: cyber-laid.
Reporter remains cyber-virgin
Instead, after making dozens of fruitless propositions in bubbly arial typeface, I decided that virtual abstinence is OK.
Originally, I was going to be reporter-like and get to the bottom of this cybersex issue. I planned to converse with those on campus most closely associated with the incognito enterprise.
I stood in the rain on the sidewalk of Jayhawk Boulevard last Wednesday with my notebook ready, stopping passers-by with the question: "Hev. do you cyber?"
Axl Rose once said that it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain. I found that it's also hard to get people to candidly discuss their cyber-experiences. Two people admitted to having tried cybersex, but neither would consent to an interview, on or off the record.
This left me no choice. I had to try it for myself After searches directed me to nauseating sites requiring credit card numbers, I opted to go with that company of companies: America Online.
First, I needed a screen name. I chose "HonorzKidz," a name that carried a hint of academic prestige as well as an unconventional use of the letter "z" that I hoped would advertise my taste for the bizarre.
The first room I went in was the "Flirts' Nook."
Two people immediately left the chatroom. Other cyberfriends ridiculed me.
"I am 19 years old, dark-haired, brown-eyed, a god among men," I typed.
"Hey, somebody go keep the honors student company," Badaz2123 replied.
Two others named something like Foxxyx and HunyBunch sounded friendly, but they turned out to be 13-year-olds from Philadelphia and some small town in Canada.
It went on this way for a while. Twenties chat, Britney Spears chat, Alone@home — all disappointments. I went into the international chatroom for some foreign relations, but all I found were Germans discussing the existence of God. Eighteen-year-old females promising pics were
Luke Wetzel
Guest Columnist
opinion@kansan.com
really porn links in disguise. By all indications, I was looking for love in all the wrong chat rooms.
Finally, in the fifty-something singles room, I met my most promising candidate: a 19-year-old female who claimed to be "damn sexy." I instantly instant messaged her.
HonorzKidz: Hello
LuvKtn2000: hi
HonorzKids! I hear you're damn sexy
LimKn200 you
LuvKtn2000: jm
HonorzKidz: neat, how does that work out for you?
LuvKtn2000: good i guess. LOL
HonorzKidz: so, do you like basketball?
LwrWr
LuvKinz000. yeah
HonorzKidz cool
HonorzKidz: I have to leave now
LimorKidz: busy
LuvKtn2000: bye
I signed off. My cyber-seduction tactics were pathetic. Chalk it up to either inexperience or virtual performance anxiety, I couldn't go any further. I was a cyber-prude.
I knew deep down that cybersex is really just about role-playing, but I couldn't get past the fact that there were real people behind these words, and that any one of these real people I picked might actually be 13.
In this particular arena, issues of disease, pregnancy and monogamy dissipate into cyberspace. But some things, such as physical contact, are definitely missing. So barring injury or surgical implantation of microchips to control my libido, I'm going to stick to striking out the old-fashioned way.
Wetzel is a Westwood sophomore in English and journalism.
The Kansan is accepting applications for editor positions, including sports, design/graphics, campus, wire, photo Jayplay, special sections, readers'representative, features, opinion, news, online, copy chiefs, features designer and news clerk. Applications are due Friday at noon to Lori O'Toole's box at the Kansan newsroom, 111 Stauffer Flint Hall. Please contact Lori O'Toole at 864-4810 for more information.
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