University Daily Kansan, December 9,1980 Page 15
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"When I went home for Thanksgiving, people seemed to be different, more low key than my friends here, " Day said. "We were all nervous about the contrast between us more clearly."
Dennis Karpowitz, assistant professor of psychology, said that after living away from home, students' perspectives versus the students themselves changed.
"It's a different world when you are on your own and making your own decisions. Students are bombarded with new ideas that they don't understand the world may change," Karpowitz said.
HE SAID GOING home was different for different people.
"Some go home and it's the same, but what matters is how both the student and his parents view his independence," Karpowitz said.
"If the parental hooks are still there and parents don't acknowledge the students' independence, then going home can be especially difficult."
Marian Weenink, Eerebek, Holland,
freshman, said she would not go home
until the summer. She said she looked
down before going home, but did not expect it to be easy.
"I've changed and I think it will be hard to go home. Holland seems so far away and everything here in the states is so new and exciting." Wewinka said.
Karpowitz said the stress of school may force students to do things that they may otherwise not do. He said this sometimes led him to ask his friends from home who did not go to school.
"We are forced to live under similar conditions and the expectation to make new friends leads us to change where those old friends lead us to out these new ideas," Karpwitz said.
John Jezk, Gladstone, Mo., freshman,
said that when he came back from school,
he would like to play softball.
"It seemed like all my old friends were acting different, but I realized that I was the one who was acting different. I did things that I would not have done if I had been away, like renting a motel room so my friends and I could have a party," Jezak said.
Martin Volker, Wichita senior, said, "Going home was unusual because I was not a part of the daily routine. I was surprised by how quickly things changed.
"Now instead of expecting what's there, I look forward to seeing what's new."
JOEL THORNTON, Lincoln, Neb,
freshman, said his relationship with
his parents was more relaxed than it was
before he left for school.
"It's better when you go back, but it's probably better because you aren't a part of the mainstream of everyday life there," Thornton said.
Karpowitz said sometimes old roles came back quickly and the parent wanted to be more careful.
"Once the student has been on his own," Karpowitz said, "he can't go back to the old parent-child role because the student is responsible for his own decisions for his life too long.
"Some therapists recommend going home and trying to tie up loose ends with parents. For example, tell your parents that when they tell you to write a thank-you note, it bothers you because they don't let you use your own initiative."
He said that students should bring a problem to their parents and discuss it.
"Explain to them that even if you did a wrong thing, you need to live your own life," he said. "Say to them, 'Thanks Mom, but let me handle this.'"
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