8B • THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
SEX ON THE HILL
MONDAY, DEC. 10, 2001
sexy
sexually interesting or exciting, erotic.
at least he got the interesting bit...
tip:
Stick with the classics and you will always be sexy.
red, black & white
classically sexy, every time.
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY JAMIE ROPER/KANSAN
Sexual bondage, domination/submission, and sodomasochism are used by some to add a dash of spice to their sex lives. Though not for everyone, these activities have devoted enthusiasts.
Spanking, bondage give 'vanilla'sex new flavor
By Mandalee Meisner Jayplay writer
A comment from a firefighter opened up the world of sexual bondage to Nick P. Wichita senior.
"We were discussing lifesaving techniques and how a particular knot could be used in emergency situations," he said. "Then one firefighter said a good way to practice the knot was to tie up my girlfriend. After that, I incorporated it into my sex life."
Sexual bondage, domination/submission, and sadomasochism, also called erotic power exchange, encompasses a wide range of activities, behaviors and attitudes.
But whatever the label, BDSM involves the consensual exchange of power between two or more people during lovemaking. It includes activities such as blind-folding, spanking a partner during lovemaking and making your partner your 24-hour "slave."
"It requires a certain level of trust between two people," Nick P. said.
And like many things, BDSM isn't for everyone.
Nick P. said that although he had used only ropes, handeuffs and blindfolds during sex, he could see using more advanced accessories in the future.
Our selection is mostly just for people just trying it out," said Kimberly Juarez, Naughty but Nice employee and Overland Park junior. "There are specialty shops for people who are really into it with much better quality products."
"Within the confines of a committed relationship or marriage, I think it's much easier to get deeper into it," he said.
Priscilla's, 1206 W. 23rd St., and Naughty but Nice, 1741 Massachusetts St., both carry BDSM related items such as latex and leather clothing, whips, paddles, arm and leg straps, ball gags, tickleand handcuffs.
In addition to carrying beginner items, Priscilla's also carries a selection of books especially for domination sex "virgins," including S/M 101 by Jay Wiseman, Leathersex by Joseph W. Bean and Ties that Bind by Guy Baldwin.
Both organizations can be contacted via their Web sites, www.ahs-kc.org, and come.to/K-I-N-K.
Area support groups and clubs for those interested in BDSM include the Alternative Hedonic Source in Kansas City and K-I-N-K, or Kink in Northeast Kansas, located in Topeka.
Although many books, products, organizations and clubs — even entire stores — are devoted to serving the BDSM community, those practicing BDSM still encounter many negative stereotypes about their sexual practices.
"I've encountered a lot of resistance," said Vanessa Hays, Topeka sophomore. Hays, who began exploring the world of BDSM two years ago, said that BDSM was about trust more than violence or anger, but that it was difficult to get some people to see this.
"There will always be people that think it's wrong, no matter what you say," she said.
She said she happened upon BDSM by experimenting with adding a little roughness to "vanilla" sex, a term used by the BDSM community to talk about sex without BDSM. Her small taste of BDSM-like roughness left her wanting more.
"So I just thought about my fantasies for a while, and things that just popped into my head," Hays said. "Then I thought, 'what if I tried it?' And then I did."
Along the way to making her fantasies a reality Hays repeatedly encountered the view that BDSM isn't safe because people could be easily harmed when practicing BDSM sex.
In fact, Hays said that BDSM
can actually be safer than "normal" sex.
"During regular sex, someone may be embarrassed by telling their partner that they're uncomfortable with something they're doing," she said.
But, staying silent isn't an option for those into BSDM sex, Hays said.
"People are expected to use safe words to guard against anything bad happenment," she said.
Safe words are words established before sexual contact starts so if either partner begins to feel uncomfortable with something the other person is doing, they can communicate to their partner that they really want to stop the activity—not that they want more.
Another common misconception, said Hays, is that female submission in BDSM is sexist and anti-feminist.
"People have told me that I'm setting back the women's movement into the 1930s," she said. "But I am a feminist, and I think one of the best ways to be a feminist is to be in a situation where you can explore your sexual fantasies in a safe way."
Another source of confusion may be the labeling of sadism and masochism as psychological illnesses. The DSM-IV, an index of psychological disorders used by professionals in mental health, classifies sexual sadism and sexual masochism as abnormal.
Hays said she thought the difference between BDSM and psychological illness was mutual consent.
"I don't think people with murderous fantasies would find BDSM an acceptable outlet for their feelings." Hays said. "I think they would be too afraid that their feelings would get out of hand. I don't do anything that my partner's uncomfortable with. It's consensual, and there's nothing really deviant in consensuality."
Contact Meisner at 864-4810
Dates can be painful, hellish
By Adam Stein
Kansan correspondent
Dating can be a fun experience, or a serveracking one. The first couple of dates are unquestionably the most uncomfortable, said Jon Brubaker, Monteville, N.I., sonhomore.
"If I don't know the girl I'm going out with all that well, I'm always wondering if they're having a good time." Brubaker said. "I'm also worried about the possibility that we won't really have anything in common to talk about."
While these concerns seem to be common, dates can turn out much worse than anyone could ever expect: the feared "dates from hell."
Erica Gray, Dallas junior,
remembers her freshman year
date from hell.
"I went out with this guy who
was from Dallas, too," she said. "I guess he thought that we were destined to be together just because we were from the same place.
"He drove me to Mission Hills to show me the house that we were going to live in. That was really weird, but it got even worse when he started naming the kids that he thought we were going to have together."
Trying to read signs from the person you're on your first date with can also be scary. Tom Holland, Lawrence sophomore, had such an experience.
"I went out with this girl, and everything was great." he said. "We came back to my place and started fooling around a bit. I guess she got uncomfortable with the situation because she left pretty suddenly. The next day I found out that she told all of her
friends that I tried to take advantage of her. That really sucked."
The fear of embarrassment can also cause first-date jitters. A sophomore student, who asked to remain anonymous, remembers his first-date horror story.
"My date and I had a really good time at dinner, and we decided that after a movie we would go out to the bars. We were only there for about 15 minutes when I got an MIP from an undercover cop. The worst part of it was that I was her ride, and I had to leave with my keys. She was stranded at the bar. She never did call me back."
Even though bad experiences may happen on dates, people seem to keep coming back for more. Even if you do have a date from hell, at least it will make for a good story to tell friends.
---