6B • THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
ENTERTAINMENT
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THURSDAY,SEPT.20,2001
THURSDAY
- Based on survey responses from 1,608 KU students. Survey administered by the KU Office of Institutional Research & Planning (2001).
Communication is the key: Tap into 'friends with benefits'
Meghan Bainum Jayplay writer
Sometimes, due to alcohol, loneliness or horniness (or a combination of all three), that person who was a study partner, casual friend or roommate becomes a bit more.
Congratulations! You have now stepped into the land of friends with benefits.
A friend with benefits is not a stranger from the bar who you think had brown hair and might have been named Troy, who you're sure you'll never talk to again. That's a one-night stand—and a different column.
Commentary
Your new special friend won't call you Schnookums, might not want to meet Mom and Pop and definitely doesn't want to deal with your problems and insecurities, a.k.a. relationship stuff. Remember that your friend with benefits is just a friend — not a prospective spouse or long-term love interest.
Meghan
Bainum
Columnist
Jayplaykansan.com
Having a sexual relationship with a friend is perilous because the relationship usually is based on varying amounts of friendship (anything from a casual acquaintance to a best friend will work) and a lot of lust.
If you decide to have sex with a friend, he or she should be someone you care about. You care whether he or she calls again, and
Finally, realize that he or she is your friend first and sex buddy later. Therefore, you have to be prepared for your friend with benefits to bail on you when he or she finds that perfect match — or even just a hot date. You can't get weird. You can't send hate mail or become a stalker. You have to swallow your feelings and be happy just as friends.
If either of you have any expectations for further relationshiplike involvement, you should get that out before anything happens. It just isn't fair to mess with people's feelings.
Keep open communication through the relationship, because emotional status can change quickly.
you want to keep being friends even after the "benefits" part of the relationship ends. However, you can't care too much, or else you no longer have a friend with whom you have sex. You have a relationship.
Mixing sex and friendship is complicated—almost as complicated as a serious relationship. If you don't want to take the time and effort to care and be concerned about your friend's feelings, just head to the bars for a one-night stand.
And although sex with friends isn't foolproof, there are some guidelines to follow that will help you keep your friend a friend during and after the "benefits" part.
Picking the right friend is important. You must be able to talk to this person, and it helps to be comfortable on a personal (not physical) level.
Sex with anyone is an intimate event. You both should think: Can I have an orgasm in front of this person? Can I watch him or her have one? If the answer to any personal question is no, don't even attempt sex. It will be an embarrassing disaster.
Most importantly, take care to protect yourself and others — mind and body. Keep an open mind and keep talking, but most importantly—have fun.
Be sure you know this person well enough to know whether he or she secretly has a crush on you (or you on him or her).
being comfortable together.
This also involves talking and
Have a sex question? E-mail Meghan at
sexquestion@hotmail.com
Jude album pulls at emotions
Jayplay editor
By Kimberly Thompson
At a Ben Folds Five and Cake concert three summers ago, some nobody band opened for Ben Folds. Actually, it wasn't even a band — it was just a guy and his guitar.
Turns out the guy's name was Jude, and the CD he was promoting was No One is Really Beautiful.
After a few songs, the guitar-guy played "Rick James," a song that had been on the radio non-stop a few months before. The song, which was about a girl who killed herself after a "cool" guy posted dirty pictures of her, was, despite the subject matter, a pretty catchy tune.
Jude's smooth voice and raw lyrics, such as "I was taking all day so I could turn you on/And I hated when you'd look away when I was inside and slowly getting to it," were completely laid-back and free, and told much about his personal life.
and four much about the album.
Last Tuesday — three long years later — Jude released another album, King of Yesterday. And it's just as good as his 1998 CD.
Just as good as his 1990 CD.
Jude ane letts it all hang out with 12 songs — 10 new, one radio edit and one remix. Full of guitars, trumpets, violins, flutes and Jude's smooth, smooth voice, the songs pour out of the speakers.
Jude invites listeners into his life through his lyrics. He has fun with this album with a few more upbeat
tunes, but his bittersweet message still is strong. He's constantly in love with the woman he's lost. He's always searching for something he can't have.
always searching for something new. Jude has such a sarcastic optimism. You have pity for him. In "King of Yesterday" he says, "A silly little love song for myself/It's all I ever do, you know." Singing is his therapy.
Jude reeds one of his songs from No One is Really Beautiful called "I Do." The original song is a sad tribute to a former lover who is getting married and Jude has been invited to her wedding. Although the version on King of Yesterday jazzes up the beat, the song is still mournful.
He lambits, "If you think that I don't love you, you're just wrong. Here's my vow to you, I'll stay away." But then his below-the-belt sarcastic retaliation stings with "I hope you're smiling when he turns around and says, 'I do.'"
The album contains painful life stories, but also is so intoxicating that it penetrates your mind and you won't be satisfied until you've memorized all of the lyrics.
The only disappointment with King of Yesterday is that fans may have to wait another three years to devour a new Jude CD.
Contact Thompson at 864-481n
ROCK CHALK BRIDGE CLUB is holding its initial membership drive this saturday. Sept., 22, at 6:00 pm. at the Holidome, 200 Mc Donald Dr. We are a brand new campus organization and we have a lot to offer including free lessons for beginners. All students are welcome. We will start with a brief lesson. You will be playing bridge in less than a half an hour. We will then have a registration mixer in our hospitality suite. This is a great opportunity to meet new friends
and discover the wonderful game of Bridge.
and discover the wonderful game of Bridge President Patrick Prewitt says "Be there." Vice-President Andy Bond says "Be there" Any questions?Reach Don at Card potato@hotmail.com or leave a message at 550-9001.