**A THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN**
OPINION
MONDAY,SEPT.10,2001
TALK TO US
Kursten Phelps editor 864-4854 or editor@kansan.com
Leita Schultes
Christina Neff managing editors 864-4854 or editor@kansan.com
Erin Adamson
Brendan Woodbury opinion editors 864-4810 or opinion@kansan.com
Jenny Moore business manager 864-4014 or adddirector@kansan.com
Kate Mariani retail sales manager 864-4462 or retailsales@kansan.com
Tom Eblen general manager and new adviser 864-7667 or teblen@kansan.com
Matt Fisher sales and marketing adviser 864-7666 or mfisher@kansan.com
PHOTO COMMENTARY: BRIDGING THE GAP
CONTRIBUTED PHOTO
Beginning last week and continuing today, callers to the Free for All have been dividing the student body into pro-greek and anti-greek factions. Thankfully, at least some students remain unconverted. On Thursday, the freshman pledge class of Beta Theta Pi serenaded the freshmen of Watkins Scholarship Hall. Traditionally, fraternity pledge classes have only serenaded sorority pledge classes. Perhaps not everything in the Free for All is true after all.
EDITORIAL
New readership program good for University
Off-campus newspapers are a wise use of students' fees
It's not often that a student-initiated program has an immediate impact on the campus environment. But the University's new newspaper readership program, created last year by Student Senate, provides a visible and widely beneficial addition to the campus environment, and it warrants strong support from the student body.
Starting this semester, KU students can pick up copies of the New York Times, USA Today, the Kansas City Star, and the Lawrence Journal-World at approximately 20 different locations on campus. Student fees increased $6.50 per semester to pay for the cost of the papers, and the papers are distributed from lock boxes that can only be opened with a valid student ID card.
The purpose of higher education is to prepare students to play a positive and rewarding role in society. Beliefs, values and behaviors people develop in college often chart a definitive course for their lives. In an increasingly global society, reading a metropolitan or national newspaper is a habit that will serve students well regardless of their chosen career path. At the very least, citizens have a civic responsibility to inform themselves about current issues before going to the polls on election day.
Students deserve the same type of inexpensive access to regional, national, and international news as they receive to University publications. Although the Kansan is well-suited for dealing with campus-related issues, student newspapers are a limited medium. Larger papers like the Times and USA Today can provide the type of comprehensive coverage unavailable in the Kansan. In addition, the program's cost of $6.50 per semester is a bargain. Students would have to pay substantially more to subscribe to the four papers on an individual basis.
Some opponents of the program contend that a larger supply of papers leads to an increase in trash on campus. Anyone walking around can attest to the validity of this argument, but it's not threatening enough to merit scrapping the program. Rather, it could draw needed attention to the wider recycling needs on campus.
Matt Hubbard for the editorial board
Those students who are taking advantage of the readership program are supporting a positive move on the part of Student Senate and the University. Those who aren't are missing out on a valuable, inexpensive opportunity to supplement their education, sharpen their reading skills and increase their awareness of current events. Information is the most valuable commodity in this increasingly global world, and KU has invested wisely.
PERSPECTIVE
Student Senate recently created a newspaper readership advisory board to oversee the readership program. Wise board management should lead to recycling initiatives that will help solve the problem of waste papers.
Human sacrifice and football
My friend Franklin Brunch was excited.
He chattered nervously as he took long swigs from a bottle that smelled of furniture polish. He said he'd figured out how to make the Kansas football team a success.
"How are you going to do that?" I asked, putting down my textbook.
"Human sacrifices at games," Franklin said. "What we'll do is give out T-shirts and have people compete for the chance to be disemboweled by Chancellor Hemenway in front of everybody!"
"Why would people want to be sacrificed, though?"
"Because it would bring attention to the football team, right? Plus, they'd get a free 'KU First' shirt."
I looked nervously at Franklin. I'd known him for many years, but this sounded suspiciously nutty. Perhaps the constant swigs of furniture polish were taking a toll.
"But they'd be dead, Frank."
"We'd pay their families, see? If someone was sacrificed to the great spirit of Terry Allen, their family would receive a $10,000 scholarship for a sibling to attend school here, free passes to the Jay bowl and an autographed picture of Max Falkenstein!"
Commentary
Clay McCuistion guest columnist opinionansan.com
I paused. This was sounding more plausible.
"You might have a point. Still, wouldn't the Chancellor have problems slashing through students with sharp knives?"
"He said he'd allow tailgating, right? He's willing to work to make sure the football team succeeds! And hey, if he gets too queasy, we can just bring in some lions and tigers to rip the students to bloody shreds."
"And there's still that possibility of scholarship money for their siblings to motivate them too."
"That's right," Franklin enthused.
He paused for a moment as he went to the fridge and took out another bottle, which smelled a lot like rubbing alcohol.
Who cares what kind of indignities you go through as long as you have the chance to win money?"
"I see the scholarships as the key
I considered that. "Now, stop me if I'm wrong here," I said, "but couldn't the University just give away the money, Jay bowl passes and Falkenstein signature without actually sacrificing students?"
"No, you idiot! Why would anyone care about the football team unless lives were on the line? Giving the scholarship money away to deserving students who might not go to football games is sissy."
"Doesn't that pervert the whole educational mission of a university where scholarships reward something other than attendance at a game?"
Franklin shook his head, took a big gulp from his bottle and launched into a coughing spasm.
"I don't care what you say, Clay. Human sacrifice and scholarship money will revitalize this football team! You can bet your life on it!"
I shrugged. If Franklin's scenario played out, perhaps I would.
McCuistion is a senior in journalism and English from El Dorado.
For more comments, go to www.kansan.com.
864-0500
Free for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. Not all of them will be published. Slanderous statements will not be printed.
The idiot who oversold the parking passes needs to take MATH 002 because he obviously can't count.
The word of the day is legs. Spread the word.
Sometimes I feel like a nut. Sometimes I'm
dunked.
You know what would be a really good title for a nursing home? Good times, great oldies.
You people are really sad. You did not have to make a timeline of Kinsey and Duncan's past criminal history. Get over it.
I wanted to know if Kursten Phelps, the editor of the Kansan, is related to Fred.
I'm going to start my own Roman fraternity and take all the Greek fraternities as slaves.
Whover ripped off the Adam Sandler remark about Christina Aguilera in the Wednesday, Sept. 5 paper, please get some creativity and get a life.
What ever happened to Book it? You read a book, you got a free pizza. We could really use that about now.
Kudos to the dancing pumpkin who interrupted our MATH 105 class on Friday. If corn oil is made out of corn and cottonseed oil is made out of cottonseed, what is baby oil made out of? KU rocks. So does UNL.
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Why is it that I only tread in class?
I wish Conan O'Brien would teach my statistics class because linear regressions are hard, and we could learn how to make fun of Siegfried and Roy.
I like my foliage trimmed in a Hitler mustache
My drinking team has a rowing problem.
To the gw who's got a roommate for a chemist, I was wondering if he could cook me up some crack.
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I think it's awful that the DJ at the Granada had to make so many homophobic remarks at the bowers and briefs and bras contest. It's really awful that he made all those remarks — it makes me wonder about his sexuality. And I'm straight, and it bothers me.
If you call your sister at 1:00 in the morning to do your paper, calling at 2:00 will only make her more mad, but she's still a jerk.
Have you ever tried to count the amount of cargo pant shorts on campus? Don't try. Our math can not handle those numbers.
I want to thank the callers to the Free for All for proving that sexism in America is alive and well.
To all the Greeks who have been whining in Free for All! If you don't like being made fun of, you shouldn't be Greek. Anyone stupid enough to pay for their friends is going to get dogged on. Deal with it.
Last year we thought the football program was expensive, but you could get the team to make a first down by throwing a credit card on the field. This year it takes a purse and a credit card.
Brandon Stinnett's column about the football players is ridiculous. Just because some people smoke pot doesn't mean these guys should get away with petty theft.
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The non- Greek community: least amount of reported rapes and drunken driving.
I'm not in a fraternity but I'm so envious of people who are: They have the best GPA on campus, the most involved students on campus and the best looking students on campus. And they have the coolest looking 4Runners I've ever seen, I'm so envious. I want to be in a frat.
Hey, guy in my history class, put your fricking shirt on.
A neutron walks into a bar and says, "How much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
If I had had no opinion on greeks, the caller who was defending greeks based on them being the best-looking on campus would have caused me to immediately despise them. It's stuck up elitism like that that gives us a bad name. I'm greck too, in case you hadn't figured that out already. I sincerely hope the caller wasn't in a fraternity or sorority.
Terry Allen, if you think Kinsey wearing a cross signifies that he is a changed man, I'll sell you some ocean-front property in Arizona for you to retire at the end of the season.
What is the best way to clean diarrhea out of a computer case?
Move Meghan Bainum's column to the front page. The Kansan should be dripping with lube every single day.
It's true that Confucius is older than Jesus. Confucius is not older than the one who sent Jesus to earth.
Q-ACK, the masked avenger, finds it shocking that the Kansan would bypass my comment yesterday and print two of the same comment.
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For all you bitter non-greeks out there, why don't you get a life, and stop bitching about how we live ours.
The heck with all this greek/non-greek stuff.
The only important thing is that we're all Jay-hawks.
where all these Cool Whip containers come from?
For the sorority women of KU, you're the yardsticks for the rest of the woman to measure up to and half of the reason I go to class.
Thanks, ladies.
I want my free football ticket T-shirt in a medium, gosh darn it, not a large.
Trust me on this one, if your roommate has connections with the mob, be very courteous, and while you're at it, take out the friggin' trash.
If you didn't have any senses, would you exist?
HAIKU FOR ALL
Fifty minute class.
Lectures bring tears to my eyes.
UDK crossword.
Oh my hairy legs.
But I don't have a boyfriend,
So no need to shave.
Britney on TV Half-naked holding a snake. I can rest in peace.
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Entymology. Microbiology next Such is my Friday.
Ronald McDonald. A Charismaic icon. Nations bow to him.
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S-A-R-A-H,
My roommate picks our noses
Very happily.
Sing your heart to me.
The dreams we all share inside.
My poop smells like foop.
Graduate Teachers.
We will not be forgotten.
Nine hundred and more.
Administration Bureaucracy billowing Why are you so big?
One third of classes taught by graduate teachers. GTAs, rock on.
A greener KU,
Socially responsible.
Is it just a dream?
News flash to KU:
GTAs are exploited.
We deserve fair pay.
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Oread hilltop
Speckled with earmest scholars
Seeking refreshment
GTA union.
We love you like chocolate.
Ten years you've been here.
NOT QUITE HAIKU
Our brave President.
Dereliction of duty.
We elected his guy?
Football stadium
Memorializes war dead
Tailgate: spirits soar
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HAIKU POLICY
Haiku for All will continue running through Friday, Sept. 14. Call in your haiku to the Free for All line at 864-0500. Please identify them as Haiku
The Kansan will attempt to run all of the haiku it receives that comply with the usual Free for All guidelines.
According to the traditional style, haiku consists of two images, the juxtaposition of which creates the meaning of the poem. Submissions will not be required to conform with this style.
They have five syllables in the first line, seven in the second and five in the third. They need not rhyme.