10TH THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
MIXEX
THE UNTHURSDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2002
NEW THEATRE RESTAURANT "GREAT NITE GIFT CERTIFICATES!"
Writers says goodbye in final sex column
SEX
So, this is my last column. The time when I finally hand off my vibrator and condom crown to the next brave soul attempting to write publicly about doing what most people only whisper about in dark rooms or scream drunkenly in crowded bars.
Getting an expensive bill in the mail or earning a horrible grade on a test make me feel more like running away to Mexico than getting busy in the sack. Even though I struggled to write erotically instead of ranting demonically about how much life sucks, I got through it and am happy I did.
I was in a bar last night when I began worrying about what I was going to say in this, my last little space in The University Daily Kansan. In a weird, twisted way, I feel as if I'm trying to write my own epitaph. I just can't figure out the perfect few words to sum up the craziness that has been the sex column for the past year or so. I thought for a long time, dreamily staring into the depths of my Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat beer and finally came to the decision to get as drunk as possible and let the column come naturally to me.
But I've written a lot of juicy columns while not feeling quite like a sexual superstar. Bad days happen to everyone, after all, and it's not practical to expect some inanimate object like my car to understand how a dead battery can turn my thoughts from all things horny to all things hellish in three seconds flat.
It's because this column — my dream and my baby — isn't about me. I'm just the writer. Almost everyone has sexual cravings and needs. Stop trying to deny it; you know you do. I started this crazy sexual adventure to help make the University of Kansas more comfortable with and informed about the sex college students are having quite often. Instead of whispering, or drunken shouting, the sex column is all about talking about sex like the intrinsic reality it is.
It's an interesting job, to say the least, interesting enough to do for free without too much gripping. After all, the only activities I like almost as much as having sex are writing and talking about sex. And this column has given me a way to do both while at the same time working on my "career" as
Sitting here, 12 hours later, the unfortunate result is that nothing has come to my mind, nothing except a huge, hung-over headache.
Meghan Bainum mbainum@kansan.com
an author or writer of some sort. It's also given me the chance to totter around on spike heels at a Playboy shoot, read interesting letters from prisons all over the nation and publish diagrams of vulvas complete with hair in the Kansan. Even better than prison mail and the Playboy shoot has been talking to people like you, hearing what kind of sex you had, wishing you had or don't want to have, shooting the bull on anal play and dildos or taking a little time to hang out with someone new and talk.
I'm also depending on you to welcome the new sex columnist with open arms and give that person the opportunity to open your eyes to a whole new world of sexual fun.
Even though a new sex guru is about to take over, don't stop waving to me in bars or sharing sexual situations over a beverage of sorts. I'm still writing this column for the Chicago Sun-Times, and I'm depending on Lawrence folk to help me teach those up north how it's done.
Communication is vital for this column. After all, I'm a straight white girl who has never had her own penis, though I have held one for one of my boyfriends while he peed, never experienced the business end of an anal plug and is far too klutzy to bask in the supposed glow of tantric sex. So talking to those of you out there who are experienced in areas where I am not has made this column a lot more informative and fun.
I'm going to miss being the sex columnist. Thursday won't seem like Thursday to me for a while. Still, it's time for someone else to try his hand at writing sex here at KU, so give whoever it is a chance. (Editor's note: Because of technical difficulties with the kansan.com poll, the new sex columnist was not selected. We will announce the new sex columnist at the beginning of next semester.) After all, I'll still be around — most likely staring into a beer, dreaming about an unbroken car — waiting for someone to talk sex with.
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