10 = THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
LIFESTYLE
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2002
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Similar sexual druthers can alleviate frustrations, ease relationship tension
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Being a sex columnist means I don't usually have to delve into the nasty, murky world of relationships. I see them as separate — but often related — aspects of human life. And, frankly, I know much more about sex than I do about the relationship. I've had my fair share and all, I'm just still trying to figure myself out. Unfortunately, all this figuring out hasn't yet given me an answer as to what kind, if any, relationship might work.
SEX
It's obviously a problem faced by many in this crazy world; one look at the divorce rate (4.1 per 1000 people in 2000, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) should be proof enough of that.
And if you talk to enough people who have recently left a relationship, or are frustrated with their current sexual situation, it's clear that one of the main causes of relationship dissatisfaction comes straight from not getting enough of the right kind of action in the sack.
Most of the time, a little understanding and some experimenting will oil the gears of your relationship's erotic action. Add some practice time into the equation,and a relationship that seemed to be a sexual dead-end can suddenly open to provide a plethora of pleasing fun.
Meghan Bainum
mbainum@kansan.com
While sex shouldn't be seen as the glue that will hold you and your partner together through thick and thin, it's also not good to completely ignore the huge role leg-shaking, toe-tingling physical lovin' plays in creating a satisfying, healthy relationship. Being the sexual creatures that we are, humans are easily frustrated when intimacy comes short of sating our desires, or sustaining the sexual spark of those involved in a partnership — especially if that partnership is sexually exclusive.
A little bit of good news, though, is that many couples begin their sexual adventure by walking a bit out of step with one another on that tricky path to erotic bliss. So before freaking out about the possibility of being repressed for life and breaking up with your current, not-quite-in-synch partner, spend some time talking about the relationship's possible sexual snafus.
Still, no amount of practice will perfect a relationship involving a sexually incompatible couple. When one partner is unwilling to give the other partner what he or she needs to feel sexually satisfied, or finds a certain aspect of their partner's sexuality disgusting or personally uncomfortable, it's time to take some pretty serious stuff into consideration.
After all, one of the best things to have in a relationship is a partner who will not only support your erotic wants, but will encourage them — as long as they are not dangerous.
The problem with this is it is sometimes hard enough to be comfortable with and accept our own personal desires, much less those of others — especially if those erotic wants don't fall on the "normal" side of the line. If you think wanting a little oral action from your partner is hard to bring up, imagine sitting down with your lover for a talk about using a strap-on penis for erotic play, or an extreme desire to be dressed and treated like a baby while getting it on.
Basically, unless your ideal sex life involves children, rape, animals or extreme, dangerous violence, you have every right to seek a partner who will be an active part of your erotic escapades, and every right to end a relationship that is on the fast track to endless, irreconcilable frustration.
Being in a relationship is difficult enough already, and adding sexual frustration into the mix of problems does nothing but make the partnership seem more like a prison sentence than a joint venture. Wanting a lover who will fulfill your desires is far from superficial or misguided — it makes sense.
Make friends or have fun with those of all sexual ilkss, but save your serious commitments for those people who are excited about pushing your sexual buttons. After all, those who play together have a much better chance of staying together.
HEALTH Q&A
Jayplay is working with HOMEBASE to answer questions about body acceptance, healthy eating and physical fitness. Students in health-related fields will answer readers' questions every week. Submit questions to achap@ukans.edu. Participants will remain anonymous.
Q: What is the best machine for burning fat? I am trying to lose weight and work out at Burge Union or at Robinson. I know the machines get your heart rate up,but is one machine more effective at burning fat than others? I want to use my time to the best advantage to achieve weight loss.
A: There is not one machine that is best for fat burning. Fat burning is related to the intensity and the duration
at which you work out. In order to get the best fat-burning results, a person should work out at a low-moderate intensity, which is usually 50 percent to 75 percent of your heart rate maximum. This person should also have an exercise duration of at least 30 minutes or more. Low- to moderate-intensity heart rates at longer durations assist an individual in burning fat. The best way to choose a machine to work out on is to choose one that you enjoy. Working out should be a relaxing, enjoyable experience, so elliptical or treadmill, both work to burn fat equally as long as you watch your intensity and duration.
— Samantha Britton is a personal trainer at Recreation Services.
If you have questions about fitness programming or fitness opportunities on campus, contact Jill Urkoski at 864-3546.
To bare or not to bare skin depends on the company
The debate of whether it is sexier to leave a little to the imagination or to bare it all isn't new. Almost any outfit can be altered from conservative to slinky with a roll of the waistband or a few unfastenings of a button-up shirt.
While some may feel more appealing when their breasts are in your face, squeezed together and boosted with a push-up bra, others find it anticlimactic when what you see is what you get.
My skin saga continued when a boyfriend actually reached over and began snapping up a collared jean shirt I was wearing, "I think you look much more sexy this way," he said. I felt like I was on my way to my grandparents' house, which is not exactly the look I go for on an everyday basis.
In high school, my dad would stop me on my way out the door with a "Are you really going to wear just that?" or "Why don't you put a jacket on?" But jackets are removable and buttons unbuttonable.
With this topic in mind I approached a group of guys who were pedaling at the gym and watching football on the television mounted in front of them. I wondered if they were sweating testosterone because I got a unanimous "hell yeah" when I asked if they thought revealing clothes were sexy.
I moved onto a more humble male
FASHION
Sara Behunek sbehunek@kansan.com
friend of mine Robert Ramp, Lawrence junior, thinks there is nothing wrong with showing some skin. I asked him what he would think if it were his girlfriend.
He nonchalantly glanced at my roommate, his ex, and stuck to his original statement. My roommate was getting ready to go out and was strategically unfastening a white, eye-hook top from Arden B to accentuate the eye-catching effects of her push-up bra. "It's about being secure," he said. "For both the girl and the guy."
It's also about the time and place for wearing revealing outfits. But wherever you are my advice is to enjoy the view while you can because it won't be long before you miss your opportunity. Being an old man who is checking out the next generation of young, supple women might make others uncomfortable. To the women I say: Besides the rare instance that a conservative ensemble is required, if you've got it, flaunt it.