MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2002
SEX ON THE HILL
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN = 7P
Students have different reasons for abstaining
By Hannah Franko Kansan correspondent
Some say the moment a virgin graduates from the University of Kansas, the great bronze Jayhawk statue in front of Strong Hall will break its metallic bonds and fly away.
So far, the statue has retained its tight grasp on its concrete perch. Does that mean no student has survived the sexual gauntlet of college and come out unscathed? Not necessarily.
No recent poll has been conducted to estimate the population of virgins at KU, though many students believe virgins are as rare as the legend implies. However, 53 percent of young people are virgins nationwide, according to the Centers for Disease Control's Web site.
Webster's Dictionary defines a virgin as a person who has not had sexual intercourse, but fails to mention if any other sexual acts could result in the loss of virginity.
Melissa Smith, public health educator at Watkins Memorial Hospital, said there were many reasons students remained virgins. One reason is that virginity could increase a person's self-esteem.
"Couples who practice abstinence can work on building up aspects of their relationship such as communication, trust, and expressing intimacy in other ways," Smith said.
Other reasons students might remain virgins include they are waiting for marriage, personal maturity or to feel they are responsible enough to face consequences that may result from an active sexual life.
"Couples who practice abstinence can work on building up aspects of their relationship such as communication, trust,and expressing intimacy in other ways,"
Melissa Smith
Public health educator at
Watkins Memorial Hospital
With the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases, the loss of virginity could be seen as a health risk, but only for those who don't practice safe sex, said Myra Strother, chief of staff at Watkins.
The influence of religion on virginity is significant but not as a prerequisite for belief. Most Christian denominations deem that people should remain virgins until marriage.
"Christ gives guidelines because He knows what will harm us and what will help us," Kristen McClain, director of the Christian group ICTHUS, said.
Rosie Haber, Lawrence senior, said societal norms may seem to say sexual activity is the right thing to do and virginity is unappreciated but that she admired and respected men and women who decided to remain chaste.
Contact Franko at correspondence@kansan.com. This story was edited by Amy Schmitz and Chris Wintering.
Read Meghan Bainum's column in Jayplay every Thursday
Add a little pizzazz and try bondage
Sometimes sex or messing around is titillating without any special extras added into the encounter.
But sometimes just plain sex can be like vanilla ice cream — good, but lacking a little flavor, a little pizzazz.
If you've been missing a spark in your sex life, adding a good pair of handcuffs or a sparking or two to your normal routine could be the way for you to put the sprinkles on your ice cream cone.
Whoever is restrained is totally unable to resist whatever his partner wants to do to him. For some people, giving up this much control is scary, for others it's a turn on.
Using handcuffs for sexual restraint is called bondage - a term that means S&M without the whips, chains and serious pain.
According to the Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides, being tied up is so hot because it forces you to be totally passive
Meghan Bainum
mbainum@kansan.com
and submissive to your lover. And being in control of another person can be incredible as well.
It's handy to have a certain safe word, such as "red," to use as a word meaning stop, because moaning "oh stop," or "oh don't" is sometimes half the fun of the experience.
Although being tied up and getting to tie someone up is fun, the person who is in control should never leave someone tied up or continue to restrain somebody who does not want to be controlled.
In Guide to Getting it On, bondage enthusiast William Henkin also says that professionally made handcuffs are the safest restraining devices around. You
Using handcuffs for sexual restraint is called bondage a term that means S&M without the whips chains and serious pain.
can usually find a pair at a sex shop, or on the Web at places such as blowfish.com. Whatever you use, just watch out for wrist injuries. Even soft scarves can cause nasty friction burns.
According to Joannides, spanking can be another form of bondage, depending on how it's done.
If you're hanging from a set of wrist restraints getting lashed with a whip by someone wearing leather, you're probably into S&M — and there is nothing wrong with that.
Joannides says light spanking done with the hand or something
else without causing real pain, is usually considered to be in the bondage realm of sexual enjoyment.
Although spanking was a punishment back in the day, when done in passion, and not by your father, it can be quite exciting.
Both spanking and sexual restraint can play nicely into several different fantasies, and with Halloween around the corner there is certainly no lack of costume options for a sexual romp. Be a school teacher or nun and discipline your "student" with a ruler. Buy a French maid's outfit, or a Batman cape — let your imagination run wild.
Whatever scenario you dream up, be sure to run the idea of spanking or restraint by your partner or partners before pulling out the 'cuffs. It's the polite thing to do — and it definitely isn't sexy to think you're being arrested.
Got something to say? E-mail Meghan at mbainum@kansan.com.
Flirting is fun, if you follow the rules
As a new school year commences and students team up in an effort to adapt and get to know each other, all kinds of relationships develop. Flirting is the main tactic in the game of getting acquainted. But sometimes it may lead you to wonder if someone is flirting as a method to get to know you or just as a ploy to get some action. And the hardest part is telling the difference.
I want to clarify this difference so we can all tell if someone really wants help with their homework or help with something else entirely.
Ariel Tilson
atilson@kansan.com
Wade said it was rather difficult to define when flirting was appropriate because each situation was subjective, so he gave some general guidelines. Flirting is healthy and fun as long as both people are willingly involved. Flirting becomes somewhat hazardous when signals are mixed and misinterpreted, he said.
John Wade, counseling psychologist at KU, who has had experience dealing with these types of student predicament, said there was a difference between innocent and risky flirting situations.
In order to make sure you're on the same page, it's helpful if you are familiar with the person and know each other's intent. In case you don't know each other well, I got some answers from students about how to interpret the flirtatious advances of those intriguing people you've met, who you may not know well, without having to be needlessly defensive.
"You lie a little bit more to get a
When flirting, you can assume someone is looking for a shortterm fling by their body language, especially if they're obviously lying or if they keep trying to feel you up. (Guys, I know this must be a constant problem for you!)
date for the night, instead of telling the truth to get to know the person," said Blair Gisi, Aberdeen, S.D., freshman.
I don't know what it is Blair normally lies about, but I moved on to question freshman Caitlin McKeown to get a female's perspective.
"I definitely think that people
have lots of different ways of flirting, but generally, to me, it's really obvious when people are flirting to hook up, because there is a lot more physical contact and subtle hints," she said.
To summarize, when flirting, you can assume someone is looking for a short-term fling by their body language, especially if they're obviously lying or if they keep trying to feel you up. (Guys, I know this must be a constant problem for you.) Otherwise, have fun getting to know one another, but trust your instincts by staying in safe and comfortable situations. If you get physically friendly with someone too soon you may find a few things out about them you wish you'd known much earlier ... so you could've run away.
Tilson is a Northfield, Minn., freshman in pre-journalism. She is a Kansan correspondent.
Roommates stuck to the couch?
Kansan Classifieds
- Find them a job.
- Find new roommates.
It's okay to be nice but it's great to buy naughty.
Your one stop shop for lingerie, games, & a whole lot more!
Buy or rent movies on VHS or DVD starting at $9.32 Ask about discounts with your KUID
Open Monday-Saturday 10 AM-1 AM and Sundays from noon to 10 PM. 1741 Massachusetts St. 785.832.1000
Think clinical research is just for a select few? THINK AGAIN... EVERYBODY'S DOING IT!
People from all walks of life assist in medical research. Are you missing out? Participate in a clinical research study and Earn Up To $1000 or More!
You may qualify if you're:
- A healthy adult, age 18 or older
- Taking no medications
- No more than 30 lbs. overweight
- Available for an in-house stay
QUINTILES
(913) 894-5533
(800) 292-5533
Join the Search for Better Health!
X