OPINION
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
Wednesday, December 9, 1992
5
Whiny baby boomers turn 40
The sobbing came from the next booth. Glancing over, I saw an attractive couple, tears streaming down their cheeks and dripping on their veggie lunch plates. And I spotted the source of their grief.
On the table was the latest copy of Neusweck, with a cover story revealing the shocking news that countless baby boomers are approaching middle age. This issue of the magazine has been published on behalf of those born in the 15 years after World War II.
"Yes," said the man, "I don't know if I can cone."
Then they saw me staring, and the woman shrieked: "Look, it is an old person, an ancient."
The man indigently said: "Hey, you have frightened my companion. The man is afraid of you."
Draping a napkin over my head, I apologized and asked if I could be of assistance in their time of sorrow.
"No," he said, "there is nothing you can do. As incredible it may sound, I will turn 40 in a couple of days, and she will do the same next month."
COLUMNIST
That admission brought on another fit of sobbing. When it subsided, she said: "And just when we're getting through that, we pick up this magazine and discover that someday we'll have to become 50. It says so right on the cover. How much bad news is a person expected to endure?"
But we all go through it. I turned 40. They stared suspiciously. "I don't
MIKE ROYKO
believe that," she finally said
It's true. Did you think that the rest of
the people were not interested in her?
"As a matter of fact, yes," she said.
"Weren't you born that way? I mean, as far back as I can remember, people like you have looked old. Are you trying to say that you were once young?"
Sure. Did you think yours was the first generation to experience again?
He nodded. "We thought this was some sort of new disease that was infecting only baby boomers. I was going to write my congressman and demand to know why the government isn't spending more money to find a cure. But you say it actually happened to you once?"
Absolutely. Happened about a year after I turned 39, as I recall. Back in 19-something-or-other. Way back before the CD, the PC and even before the VCR. But it was after the LP FM and TV
Leaning forward, he said: "Tell me, what was it like? How did it feel? How did you cope?"
No. I simply forgot it like most of my other birthdays.
"Iimpossible," he said. "How could you forget something like that?"
Don'tremember
Easy. You see, there was a time when turning 30, 40 or 50 was no big deal. Sixteen was a big deal because you could get a job. And 21 was very significant milestone because it meant you could order a drink without worrying about being carded. But 30, 40 or 50 just quietly happened to people. Magazines didn't put it on the cover like it was a national crisis. And every columnist who turned 40 didn't write about his or her new age of enlightenment. You just got up and went to work, or went outside the cave to fight a dinosaur.
The woman said: "Are you trying to tell us that this sort of thing has been going on for a long time?"
On, sure before recorded history.
Becoming angry, she said: "Then
were not anything done about
it? How could you just sit there and let
it happen?"
But there isn't anything that can be done. You're born, you have birthdays, you turn 30, 40, 50 and so on, if you're lucky. And then, phht.
"Phht?" he asked. "What do you mean 'bhht?'
I mean, phht: the bell tols, the long sleep, adios amigos. You know, phht, and it's all over.
That's it. Happens the time, and in the best of families, too.
He looked shocked. "You mean actually dying? Like in the movies and on TV shows, but for real?"
She waved the magazine at him and said: "Was there anything about that?"
He shrugged and said: "I didn't get that far."
"Well, isn't that a fine kettle of tofu," she said. "How can a person make vacation plans?"
I'm afraid not. But don't worry. You have a lot of time left. With modern medicine and diet, you're a good bet to make it to 80.
They were silent, then he grinned and said: "You're just trying to scare us, aren't you? A real kidder."
His eyes narrowed in deep thought, then he took out his portable, wallet-sized computer, punched in some numbers, studied the results and saw that eighty is 40 plus 40, we we've used 40, we have another 40 left. Not bad!
Having eased their concerns, I paid my check aid left.
She looked relieved and said "Then we can plan that vacation."
While walking away, I heard him chuckle and say: "You know, I still think he's just a kidder."
"Yes," he said, hitting more keys, "and it looks like we'll have time to pay off the credit cards."
Mike Royko is a syndicated columnist with the Chicago Tribune.
Middle East press worries about relations after Clinton's election
It has become all too obvious that ever since Bill Clinton was elected the U. S. president, the Middle East peace negotiations have foundered badly. Speculation abounds as to why this is so.
Disillusionment within the Arab camp is definitely a reason. A year which has included seven encounters with the Israelis have produced little except frustration and disappointment. A year, by the way, in which the peace process was guided by a tried and trusted friend of the Arabs, George Bush. If with Bush the talks got nowhere, so the argument goes, what, pray tell, will be in store for the Arabs but more of the same when an unknown — who is well-known for being hardly pro-Arab — takes over.
Another reason put forward is that the parties are biding their time, reserving any concessions that might be made until Clinton officially becomes president. That's the optimistic view. The pessimists say any excuse for not making concessions will do fine. Whatever the reasons, the level of adrenaline is clearly down. No party has been willing to make that extra effort needed to at least sustain the talks, let alone produce breakthroughs.
Thus, the seemingly minor task of marking time until Clinton is sworn-in Jan. 20 is turning out to be an achievement in itself.
Arab News Jiddah, Saudi Arabia
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