4
Tuesday, September 15, 1987 / University Daily Kansan
Opinion
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
Professional teachers
Nations must laugh at the United States when we financialy display where our priorities lie. The latest knee-slapper comes from the National Football League Players Association.
14. wants unrestricted free-agency, guaranteed contracts and increased pension benefits. If players do not receive these demands, they have threatened to strike Sept. 22.
How long are fans going to put up with the greed of professional athletes? Maybe the fans should stage their own walkout. Better yet, why not put all money that would have gone to pro football players into education coffees?
The average NFL player's salary has tripled in the past five years; teachers' average salary in Chicago remains at $29,700.
Conversely, the Chicago Teachers Union strike is something we should take seriously. Teachers are asking for a mere 15 percent salary increase over the next two years.
As usual, the players probably will have the last laugh and fans will keep pumping money into their greedy pockets. Meanwhile, the teachers will continue fighting for money they actually need and deserve.
it was a meeting of East and West, but this time it was not the United States and the Soviet Union.
Instead, leaders of East Germany and West Germany met for a two-day summit in West Germany. East German leader Erich Honecker became the first leader of his country to visit West Germany. That itself is progress. And West German Chancellor Helm Kohl plans to respond with a similar visit.
German lessons
Informal diplomatic relations between the two countries seem to have begun. And the leaders met on their own initiative, without the intrusion of the United States or the Soviet Union.
During the summit, Kohl pushed for the reunification of Germany. Honecker pushed for full diplomatic recognition of East Germany by West Germany. The leaders could not reach an agreement on this point but at least they are talking. Honecker and Kohl did, however, agree that neither country favors shooting on the border.
East Germany and West Germany should accept each other as they are. They should be able to co-exist on peaceful terms, maybe even on friendly terms.
Dogfight
This dog will not have his day at a Prairie Village middle school.
This message could apply to the United States and the Soviet Union also. Superpower summits starring Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev and President Reagan should head in the same direction. The countries should recognize their differences and respect each other.
T-shirts bearing pictures of Spuds Mackenzie, the dog of beer commercial fame, have been banned from the Indian Hills Middle School.
School officials who saw students wearing the shirts recently had the students turn the shirts inside out and promise never to wear them again.
The reasoning behind the ban was that the shirts promoted beer drinking, contradicting anti-drug programs in the school.
The catch is that by banning these shirts, school officials direct even more attention toward them and increase the intrigue in the students' minds of getting away with wearing one.
That is just the opposite of what the "just say no" progam is all about.
And besides, the beer commercialism is broader than Spuds. If they ban Spuds, it's only logical to ban all shirts with beer or liquor slogans. And hats, too.
liquor stogans. Also, too.
Cigarettes are harmful as well. The Prairie Village school officials may as well ban shirts and hats showing the Marlboro man while they're at it.
And Led Zeppelin played at ear-piercing decibel levels can harm the hearing. So they could band their music, too.
A little ban goes a long way.
Editorials in this column are the opinions of the editorial board
News staff
Jennifer Benjamin...Editor
Juli Warren...Managing editor
John Benner...News editor
Beth Copeland...Editorial editor
Sally Streff...Campus editor
Brian Kaberline...Sports editor
Dan Ruettimann...Photo editor
Bill Street...Graphics editor
Tonn Ebben...General manager, news adviser
Business staff
Joanne J. Hardy ... Business manager
Robert Hughes ... Advertising manager
Kelly Scherer ... Retail sales manager
Kurt Messersmith ... Campus sales manager
Greg Knipp ... Production manager
David Derffelt ... National sales manager
Angela Clarke ... Classified manager
Ron Weems ... Director of marketing
Jeanne Hines ... Sales and marketing adviser
Letters should be typed, double-spaced and less than 200 words and must include the writer's signature, name, address and telephone number. If the writer is affiliated with the University of Kansas, please include class and hometown, or city or staff position.
faculty or staff position.
**Guest shots** should be typed, double-spaced and less than 700 words. The
**photo** will be photoraghed.
what will be photographed. The Kansan reserves the right to reject or edit letters and guest shots. They will be sent to the Kansas newsroom, 111 Stairer/Flint Hall.
can be mailed or brought to the Kansan newsroom:
Letters, guest shots and columns are the opinion of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views of the University Daily Kansan. Editorials are the opinion of the Kansan editorial board.
The University Daily Kansan (USPS 650-840) is published at the University of Kansas, 118 Stuffer-Flint Hall, Lawrence, Kan. 6045, daily during the regular school year, excluding Saturday, Sunday, holidays and finals periods, and Wednesday during the summer session. Second-class postage is paid in Lawrence, Kan. 6044. Annual subscriptions by mail are $40 in Douglas County and $50 outside the county. Student subscriptions are $3 and are paid through the student activity fee.
acquired by POSTMASTER. Send address changes to the University Daily Kansan, 118 Stauffer Flint Hall, Lawrence, Kanus, 66045.
GARBAGE BARGE II
Baseball known for pinch spitters
Editor's note: Mike Royko is on vacation and submitted some of his favorite columns. This appeared July 8, 1976.
A Wisconsin pharmacist has developed a new chewing gum that he says stimulates the flow of saliva. He says the gum will be useful for athletes in avoiding dryness of the mouth.
The developer, Curt Muller of Prairie du Sac,
sent me a couple of sticks of gum, which he calls
Quench, and I tried it. He's right. After only a few
chews I slobbered all over my desk and shoes.
I can recommend the gum to anyone who wished to cultivate more, and especially to baseballs.
It has become rare to see a baseball player who can really spit well. In the past, this talent was as highly developed as hitting, throwing, scratching and bench-suckling.
Almost every player used to have a large plug of tobacco in his cheek, which stimulated the flow of the juices, and made high-velocity spitting possible.
In Chicago we were blessed with several of the all-time great spitters. The White Sox had Nellie Fox, who was cheered as ardently when he spit as when he got a hit. And in Cubs Park there was Hank Sauer. In truth, Sauer was not an accurate spitter. He was more of a massive drooler. But he had a great following. They liked getting their feet wet, I guess.
Part of the benefit of spitting was physical. If you didn't spit, with all that tobacco in your jaw, you might drown. But it also had psychological benefits. When a batter stepped to the plate, he would stare balteally at the pitcher for a long moment, then deliberately spit a long, brown stream of tobacco juice in the pitcher's direction.
Another less visible benefit was that the large wads of tobacco, and the demands all that spitting placed upon the mouth, made talking difficult. Thus ballplayers were usually silent. And in their silence, they took on heroic stature because the fans did not realize how dumb they were. In contrast, today's athletes don't chew or spit, they are free to talk, and they soon become renowed for their stupidity. Had Mark Spizik chewed tobacco he might yet have played Tarzan.
The pitcher would then stare at the batter and respond with a menacing stream of his own. The battle was then officially joined.
"Willis could spit with a combination of power and accuracy that was unequal." Veed said.
everywhere.
the pool before he must have had an extraordinarily large cheek he must have carried a big wad.
Possibly the finest spinet in baseball history, according to Bill Veeck, an expert, was a little-known player named Willis Patrick. He spent most of his career in the minor leagues, however, where he left great brown spots that will never be erased.
"But his skill at chewing and spitting almost tragedy. One day he collided with a catcher and swallowed his entire chait. It must have weighed
two pounds. He collapsed at home plate, and the way he lay there, we thought for sure he had died. But when he came to, as sick as he was, he popped another plug right back into his mouth, wrapping paper and all. What a competitor."
veeck regrets the decline of spitting. But he says that in today's baseball world, with color TV, it might present problems.
"Those players, when they all got caused, a fine brown mist all over the place. If this got on the camera lens, everybody's TV picture might be a sort of beige."
One of the lesser-known spitters was Slats Grobnik, who began chewing tobacco when he was only 12. In a few years, it had helped make him one of the city's great softball pitchers
In softball, unlike baseball, spitting on the ball was legal, and Slats would douse the ball thor-
It had a devastating effect because when the batter hit the ball, it splattered all over him, including his eyes.
This caused the batter momentary blindness, and when Slats really had his juices flowing, hitter after hitter would run screaming in panic from the playing field. It was really exciting. In his greatest game, Slats pitched a no-hitter, and opposing team had to be lled away by their hands.
Slats eventually quit chewing when he discovered the most gross piece did not like young men with aneurysm.
After that, he wasn't much of a softball pitcher, but at least his teeth returned to their natural green color.
Cola companies wage war on TV screens
You've seen it on television. It's big, it's expensive, it's expanding and it won't go away. This is a battle that has lasted longer than the Iran-Iraq war, but hasn't received the publicity it deserves simply because people are fighting it with money rather than the more popular automatic weaponry and heavy artillery.
It is the cola war — one that is being waged in our very homes. Recently, there has been a casualty. Little Billy Johnson of Eudora was mad at his brother, Johnny. Real mad. When Johnny started asking his mother to buy a six-pack of Coke instead of two six-packs of Pepi, Billy "became frantic," according to his mother.
Not long after, while eating dinner, Billy intentionally made a funny face while Johnny had some of the carbonated beverage in his mouth. Johnny's drink came spewing out of his nose, and he lost consciousness. He was later pronounced dead. Johnny had blown his little brains out in the "accident."
It was this ugly incident that prompted me to investigate the war further.
Both Coca-Cola and Pepsi have perpetuated this ugly conflict and have pulled the American people into the syrup war. The citizens of this country protest on which cola, if either, is the world's best
Pepsi has had its eye on the cola title since it began its media blitz years ago. From Pepsico Inc we have been introduced to the Pepsi generation, who apparently would follow Moammar Gadhali into a boiling sea of mucus if he were holding a can of their product. Pepsi also brought
us a Lionel Richie concert, complete with the new generation and its favorite beverage. Finally, we have the Pepsi challenge and a David Bowie-Tina Turner "Weird Science" commercial. All of this entertainment with helpful information to boot!
Pepsi has also launched an obnoxious campaign in which "Balki" of TV's "Perfect Strangers" challenges various victims of frontal lobotomies gone awry to choose the best-tasting cola. While the Pepsi generation smacked bubble gum and "ooh'd" and "aah'd", those of us with living brain cells planned Balki's demise in the ratings.
Coke hasn't been very respectable in the war, either. Aware of the blunder or of removing original Coke and replacing it with new Cokes, the American people witnessed a horrific birth.
A beast named Max reared its ugly Headroom. With Max came the study of good taste — or Cokelogy. This is Coke's failed attempt to provide brain food for the Pepsi generation. I have concluded that Max is Coke's Allen Ginsberg for the '80s. Instead of pushing LSD, Max pushes flavored syrup and carbonated water. This campaign is obviously aimed at converting those who
think that New Coke tastes like camel spit. LSD was no picnic, but there were plenty of idiotos who paid good money for it. Coke must have realized that now the LSD generation's offspring is ripe for the ripening—often. Same scam, different suckers
Coke and Pepsi have also introduced their own variations of the cola theme. Coke has Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Diet Cherry Coke and caffeine—free Diet Coke. Pepsi counters with Diet Pepsi Free. Coke has also fought its smaller competitors in the soft drink market.
To take on Dr Pepper, Coke introduced Mr. Pibb. In the case of 7-Up, Coke produced an uncola of its own called Sprite. Dirty chemical warfare, the likes of which haven't been seen in the Iran-Iraq conflict.
On top of all this, R C cola has attempted to "go out of its way" to slip into the race for the crown.
To put all of this into its proper perspective, I have consulted some Lyndon LaRouche followers. Unreliable sources claim that LaRouche believes the three companies are conspiring to divide all cola drinkers on the issue of which is best and, with the help of Henry Kissinger and Queen Elizabeth, they will take over the confused and factional world.
There is one good side to this theory. It seems that if this goal is accomplished, Coke, Pepsi and Royal Crown have agreed to have Ivan bulldozed and made into a giant parking lot for the planned "Middle-East Safeway" store. An ugly war with a happy ending.
Jon Gregor is a Leavenworth junior majoring in broadcast journalism and political science.
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breathed