THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1, 2011
PAGE 5
The next sex scandal is going to be Dick Vitale and Jared Sullinger.
I came here to kick ass and play card games. And I'm all out of cards.
Every time I hear "Budig Hall," I hear "booty call."
It's December. You would think the freshmen would know how to pack a 43 by now.
I think girls are wearing these sexy black tights to combat with our Modern Warfare 3 and Skyrim time. Must not get distracted!
I would bet money on the fact that the food at Mrs. E's is 70 percent laxatives, 30 percent real food.
Whoever said your work won't keep you warm at night obviously doesn't know what pays the heating bill.
If you want to know if a bathroom stall is occupied, don't look through the crack.
Hot guys should not be allowed to drive mopeds, because they're gone too quickly.
I always make sure my dog is around when I have a guy come over. That way in case I let a stinky one slip, I can blame it on him.
Reasons why I love my history professor. He titled a lecture "Why Missouri Sucks."
Men, covet your beards! There's still Don't Shave December, Just Do it January, and Fuck it February!
When I fail to get into the FFA, I post my stupid shit on Craiglist, which is every day.
As bad as I want to, I feel like poking the girl's butt in front of me on the bus is not socially acceptable.
The amount of times I get chatted up in the elevator is proportional to the amount of cleavage I have showing. Unfortunately, I haven't met any pre-maed students yet, and it's only getting colder.
I'm just going to keep sending the same shit to this number every day until I get in the paper.
Editor's note: See what I did there?
That awkward moment when your grandma asks about your sex life ...
Contract buyout money better spent elsewhere
I love it when my ex tells everyone I'm crazy then expects me to give him his stuff back.
In the last two years, Kansas Athletics has bought out the contracts of three of its highest-paid employees: Mark Mangino in 2009, Lew Perkins in 2010 and Turner Gill this week. Between Mangino's $3 million, Perkins' $2 million, and Gill's $6 million, that's $11 million dollars that has essentially gone to waste from Athletics' budget.
EDITORIAL
Economically, it makes sense for Athletics, as a separate corporation from the University, to spend the necessary money to bring in a new coach and re-energize fans and donors to increase revenue.
Victoria Secret Fashion Show: Making girls everywhere become anorexic since 1995
But in the context of the University's enormous budget constraints, $11 million of
I love my headphones. I can still hear everything you say, but I have a good reason to ignore you.
scrape together $4.6 million from student tuition and fees to provide merit-based wage increases of less than five percent to some faculty and staff next January.
What have I done this semester? I created a Facebook page for my Occupy Lumbridge movement on Runescape.
Private donations make up about a third of Athletics' budget, according to its 2009 annual report. And according to a KCTV5 report, wealthy donors like Dana Anderson helped Athletics foot the bill for Gill's buyout. Anderson said he donated $750,000 to "help the University move forward from the Turner Gill era."
investments with zero return is an appalling waste of resources, and one that is made possible largely by donors.
A common argument is that Athletics are the "front door" of a university, and that a strong athletics program can help support a strong school overall. But economically, this argument doesn't hold water. A 2004 study done for the Knight Commission on Intercollegiate Athletics said that the effects of athletic success on alumni donations and admissions are "small at best when viewed from the perspective of any individual institution."
While Athletics has no obligation to support anything but its own economic interest, the amount of money wasted by the department should cause donors
— as well as students who will be called upon to donate in the future — to reconsider where their money will be best spent.
It's true that donors have the right to do as they please with their money, and that athletics is an attractive destination for such donations. But at a University where no on-campus employee
has received a raise since 2008, supporting $11 million in payments to individuals who are no longer associated with the University reveals a completely skewed system of values.
It's fun to have powerful football and basketball programs, to buy season tickets and to feel a part of something tangible like athletics. But it isn't fun for hardworking professors and staff to work for three years without
hope of a salary increase while coaches walk in and out of town with million-dollar salaries.
I can't wait anymore. Just tell me you love me.
The loudest message that can be sent is sent by dollar signs. If you find yourself sitting down to make a donation to Athletics in the near or distant future, remember the academic departments that couldn't do the things it wanted to for lack of money while $11 million was wasted as a result of the fickle sports environment. Use your resources to vote for a new system of values at the University of Kansas.
This fall, the University had to
One of my favorite things about basketball season is sitting at the Fieldhouse and watching everyone try every door BUT the one that's actually unlocked. And Jeff Withey, of course.
Joel Petterson for the Kansan Editorial Board
Kansas should repeal symbolic sodomy law
GAY RIGHTS
The Kansas Equality Coalition (KEC) is pushing for a formal repeal of the state's criminal sodomy laws, which ban anal or oral sex between persons of the same sex who are sixteen or older, among a couple of other things. The Kansas government should formally repeal this law immediately, not just because the law symbolizes intolerance but also because it's the governor's job to do so.
In Lawrence v. Texas in 2003, the United States Supreme Court ruled that criminal sodomy laws are in conflict with the Due Process Clause under the Fourteenth Amendment. That means the laws in the Kansas books, and in any other state, have been overturned by the highest court and thus shouldn't exist.
Upon inauguration, the governor takes an oath to support both the Constitution of the United States and the Kansas Constitution. The second clause of Article VI in the United States Constitution mandates that states follow the federal Constitution when a state's laws are in conflict with it. Plain and simple: It's the governor's job to repeal the criminal sodomy laws.
I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cell phones.
Although in January of this year Brownback instituted an
administrative department for the sole purpose of getting rid of conflicting and ridiculous laws, the department has yet to repeal the laws criminalizing sodomy between persons of the same sex.
The law technically isn't enforceable, but that doesn't mean someone couldn't enforce it. An article in the Huffington Post regarding this issue references an incident in 2009 where a same-sex couple in Texas, another state with criminal sodomy still on the books, was asked to leave a restaurant for expressing appropriate forms of public affection, and the police warned the couple that they could be cited for kissing each other, as per Texas law. Historically, the overwhelmingly religious and conservative state of Kansas has demonstrated a similar attitude towards lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, and it would not
be unreasonable to believe a similar incidence could happen in Kansas.
Furthermore, the fact that the governor of Kansas, who represents the state in the most democratic sense, has not taken action to repeal a law criminalizing sodomy between people of the same-sex leads Kansans to believe that sexual acts between persons of the same-sex is wrong. His actions give those opposed a rationale for their position, which could sustain discrimination and perhaps lead to increased discrimination in all sorts of forms since the issue has become salient.
Brownback and his administration's inability to act on this issue is unacceptable, and he and his colleagues should uphold their oath to support the federal Constitution and should formally get rid of the state's law forbidding same-sex sexual acts. Failure to do so only undermines the governor's integrity as the state's head official and fosters an intolerant and unwelcoming environment for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Kansans.
Castle is a senior from Stilwell in political science and human sexuality
CHIRPS BACK
Who's better, Ron Swanson or Jack Donaghy?
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Swanson
Donaghy
@UKD Opinion Jack Donaghy! Who else could orchestrate the genius that is Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning?
AlexBover90
BakedGO0dz
@UDK Opinion have never even heard of Jack Donaghy.
Why? Because Ron Swanson's mustache satisfies all of my wants and needs.
©UDK_Opinion neither, it's Barney Stinson. He's legend... wait for it... dary! Legendary!
eric_wreath
ENTERTAINMENT
Muppets stand tall next to other films
If you know me, you know I love to hate. I'm just crazy about it. I've written multiple columns for this paper where I just rant about how much I hate something that no one else cares about. I even hate on things I enjoy. I mean, I like "Parks & Rec", but that doesn't stop me from rolling my eyes every time it tries to get me to care about all the relationship drama on the show.
However, even my hate-fueled criticism can't touch the Muppets. The Muppets aren't just lovable, they're pure anti-hate. They're so thoroughly not cynical that hating the Muppets is like hating rainbows or fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies or getting to sleep in. People don't just love the Muppets, the Muppets are love incarnate.
The most recent Muppet production, the Jason Segel-penned "The Muppets," was released just before Thanksgiving to a warm reception from critics and a decent box office take (somehow, the new "Twilight" movie made more money than the Muppets." You think you're better than the Muppets, "Twilight?" Because you're not).
In a lot of ways, they're not wrong
The "Muppets" is an uneven movie
Some critics, like the A.V. Club's Keith Phipps, have criticized the film for "getting bogged down in unearned sentiment" and relying too heavily on nostalgia. Others have criticized the film for being too sappy, shoehorning a new Muppet into the mix, and for not staying true to the characters.
If you haven't already seen "The Muppets," I recommend you do so immediately. It's a heartwarming tale about one Muppet's quest for acceptance, and, more importantly, there are explosions and great songs and Sarah Silverman shows up to drop a sick burn on Amy Adams.
Last winter, having never seen "The Muppet Show" as a kid, I decided to watch the Muppets' first film, "The Muppet Movie." It's a mess of a film with a threadbare plot that's little more than an excuse for random musical numbers and slapstick. If the movie had featured anyone besides the Muppets, I would hate on it like it's going out of style. But when Kermit busted out his banjo, my heart melted as if it had been blown up by Crazy Harry.
Because I tend to be overly-critical and because the Muppets are so darn nice, I have made a point of never trash-talking the Muppets (this column notwithstanding). As you grow older and more cynical, it becomes increasingly more important to keep the Muppets around so you can still find that rainbow connection.
CARTOON
Schumaker is a senior in med and media studies and English from Overland Park
that's often too clever for its own good. The thing is, the Muppets have never been consistent, even going back to the original show. For every classic sketch, there are a few bombs. For every great guest host, there's a mediocre one. However, the Muppets are so lovable and have such winning personalities that I'm willing to forgive all their flaws and focus solely on their virtues. You can't even blame my bias on nostalgia; I didn't get into the Muppets until about a year ago.
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