THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2011
PAGE 9
A soon to be common conversation
MORNING BREW
Editor's note: Just to clarify — this is a hypothetical situation and not an actual press conference.
Throngs of nosy know-it-alls who call themselves reporters lined the walls of a sweaty high school gym in a
themselves reporters lined the walls of a sweaty high school gym in a midwestern town that boasts only one star. His name is I.O. Gimpson and he is the infallible running back with legs chiseled by Zeus and a stiff arm that could halt a freighter.
"I want to thank everyone for coming today for J.O," Gimpson said in his usual third-person address.
He sat behind a wide table topped with a cloth of his school's royal purple but his omnipotence couldn't hide.
"J.O.'s got a hard decision today," Gimspon said, as reporters inched toward the table with ears agape and pens ready to dance. "J.O. just wants to make the best choice for J.O.'s family and J.O."
Gimspon called a press conference to announce the school of his choice; an institution that would toss a full-ride scholarship at his feet so he could run over defenses with the school's name on the front of his jersey. The conference was televised on every sane
news station and hyped much like LeBron James' decision to take his three quarters per game of talent to South Beach.
"Before Mr. Gimpson makes his decision, the floor is open to questions," a media athletics comrade said.
"J.O," said a slimeball from a skyscraper paper. "What's the most important part of this decision?"
Silence fell upon the sweaty high school gym. The once bustling reporters sat dumb-founded and afraid to speak up. A colossal reporter from the Opera Sporting News crashed to the floor with a faltsetto bellow.
"J.O. wants to get paid."
Then another reporter in the back of the gym challenged this view.
"Get paid, J.O.? College athletes shouldn't be paid. You will be a student-athlete next year, not a professional one."
"J.O. deserves the money for J.O.'s family and J.O."
The same reporter fired back.
"Shouldn't the money be for the school you choose? Why do you deserve it?"
A smile curled up on Gimpson's face before he responded to the questions. It was the same smile he snuck under his helmet for each of his 38 rushing touchdowns this past season.
"J.O. runs with the football, not you, your uncle or any athletic director," Gimpson said. "J.O. fills up the stands with students and alumni. And because of J.O., those same alumni buy your stadium hot dogs and soda, then spill dollars on your floor so J.O. can run behind the finest blockers on a perfectly illuminated Astaroturf Mecca."
The crowd of reporters didn't know what to do except keep asking questions.
"In't this wrong J.O.? What makes you so special?" said another reporter.
"J.O. knows how to run the football."
Gimpson said. "Have you not been paying attention? It's gonna be J.O. on the cover of your video games. Below the name of your school, J.O.'s number will sit on the front of your best-selling jersey. J.O. will be a full-time student and a full-time football player at once. So where's the paper?"
Gimpson reached for a hat, just one of the hats from whatever school, and fit it cleanly on his head. He would run all day, score and score as he always has, then get his money.
THIS WEEK IN SPORTS
Edited by Josh Kantor
Sport Fri. Sat. Sun. Mon. Tues. Wed. Thur.
Football vs. Texas A&M 11 a.m. College Station, Texas
Volleyball
Track
M. Basketball
W. Basketball
Swimming
Cross Country
vs. Texas A&M 11 a.m. College Station, Texas
vs. Wake Forest 1 p.m. Winston-Salem, N.C.
Nebraska-Omaha 11 a.m. Lawrence
NCAA Championships 10 a.m. Terre Haute, Ind.
UCLA/Chaminade EA Sports Maui Invitational 11 p.m. CT Maui, Hawaii
UCLA/Chaminade EA Sports Maui Invitational 11 p.m. CT Maui, Hawaii
Finals EA Sports Maui Invitational 11 p.m. CT Maui, Hawaii
vs. Lamar 7 p.m. Lawrence
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PROCUREMENT TALENT LIMITED is currently seeking for full time/part time/work from home Account Managers, Bookkeeper, Clerk, Sales Representatives and various open positions are needed to work at their own flexible schedule time. Job comes with allowances and other benefits. Please contact us for more details. If you are interested and need more information kindly email the human resources manager Scott College.
resources manager Scott
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