THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2011
PAGE 5A
opinion
After a certain number of one-night stands, you can no longer ride the bus to class.
My roommate on Jeff Withey. "A stretched out Justin Bieber."
my girlfriend gets bloody knees and bruises. Does that mean giving blow jobs is a sport?
Getting cuts and bruises doesn't make Quidditch a sport. Otherwise dating Chris Brown would also be a sport.
I'm watching the KU game, and all I can think about is I want to pluck the shit out of Anthony Davis' unibrow
Every five minutes, Mario Chalmer should walk by Calipari and whisper in his ear, "Remember me?"
Vagina jokes aren't funny, moist of the time.
Hey Kentucky, win or lose we still groom our eyebrows.
The penis isn't what really hurts when we get kicked women, the "boys" are the ones in pain.
I am in a relationship with my beard.
Is it so hard to ask for a hot man with a beard?
Hey T-Rob, reverse layups are for guards. Play like the 6-foot-10 beast that you are.
Kentucky may have won the battle, but we won the eyebrow war.
We already pee all over the toilets, walls and seats. I doubt we'd notice, let alone care.
Was that coughing, vomiting or an exorcism going on?
My new goal in life is to marry someone who is very tall and then spend the next 20 years raising a KU basketball player.
EDITORIAL
Do I have a problem if the first thing that came to my mind for the crossword clue "web surfer's need" was kleenex?
Winter: Making it easier to spot bra-less women since the beginning of time.
I don't want to read about Duke, ever.
I got enough of Dick Vitale blowing them during our game.
With all this graffiti on campus, I'm convinced that Banksy was here.
Today's the first time I have understand physics. It's also the first day I went to physics baked.
It's not cold. Everyone's just a bunch of wimps.
Scandal suggests crime reporting review
The Pennsylvania State University scandal has forced institutions around the nation to examine their reporting practices and policies. For the University of Kansas, the issue is especially relevant considering we've had our own set of athletics scandals recently. The University has said that, under Kansas law, University employees are not legally bound to report suspicions of child abuse to authorities. This leaves the details of crime reporting protocols to high-level university officials.
Football coach Turner Gill's comments in his weekly press conference on Nov. 8 showed how similar the University is to Penn State when it comes to
crime reporting. In the interview, he responded to a question about how his players and staff should react if they witness crime internally. Gill said, "You have to go to protocol." Protocol for Kansas Athletics and the University administration relies on the chain of command. Under current standards, if a KU employee witnesses a crime, it should be reported to a direct superior. Gill explained that if crime were witnessed in his program, it should be reported to him. This sounds similar to Penn State football coach Joe Paterno's role and fulfills only a legal obligation.
The video of the Nov. 8 press conference is not available on the KU Athletics webpage, and
In an email to students, Chancellor Bernadette Gray-Little explained the moral obligation to report abuse of children.
the transcript on the same site does not include his response to the question.
"Beyond any legal responsibilities, we each have a moral obligation to look out for the safety of the other members of our community, especially when they are children," she said in the official statement. She also said that policies are being examined to define KU employees' responsibility. We hope that Gray-Little's statement is made policy rather than just being an unwritten rule.
adopt a clear policy outlining how employees can fulfill their moral obligation in reporting internal crime to authorities outside the institution while gaining certain immunities from institutional backlash. For student employees, these responsibilities can be conflicting. It's especially important to protect the rights of these employees who might be more disposable in cases like the KU ticket scandal. Although the ticket scandal largely avoided the inclusion of student employees, the Penn State scandal directly involved a graduate student turned assistant coach. The Chancellor is correct in saying it's everyone's moral responsibility to report crime.
The University needs to
but when pressure is placed on subordinates, the line becomes blurry. The line at Penn State was clearly crossed, but people still need to be protected when they make the right decision, or punished when they don't.
Students should pay close attention to how the administration handles this topic in the following weeks. While administrators seem to be taking a proactive approach to this issue, they should be held accountable if they jeopardize the prestige of this institution by not fixing the internal crime reporting process.
Adam Miklos for The Kansan Editorial Board
CARTOON
Nick Sambaluk
LETTER TO THE EDITOR
Writer expressed double standard
I am writing this in
I am writing this in response to the article entitled "Arguments against gays prove to be senseless." Once again, the UDK does not disappoint in producing another incredibly arrogant and narrow-minded article while its author claims to have the moral high ground of open-mindedness and acceptance. Self proclaimed liberals including the author are turning to their traditional method of political action and thought: childish attacks and name calling to belittle people that they simply have disagreements with. The tried and true method of liberals reveals its immature and ugly head whenever they feel threatened, as they certainly do now. The idea of the liberal's golden boy Obama being ousted from the White House is too much for them to bear, even though many democrats will admit that he needs to go. Now, in yet another attempt to discredit anybody who is conservative, the author claims that "either you hate gays or you don't." This is an extremely narrow-minded and ignorant point of view, and should not have even been published. It is an untrue statement designed
to divide and alienate people who disagree with the goals and beliefs of gay-rights groups. Just because conservatives may disagree with the gay-rights movement does not mean they hate gay people. By this logic you cannot disagree with anything without hating it. What's that? You don't support the war in Iraq? Well then you hate the military. This logic is unfair and naive, and is obviously an unfair way to divide groups of people. The author again shows his ignorance and bigotry when he claims that the entire American South is racist. These slanderous general statements have no place in a paper that wants to be professional. If a conservative columnist for the UDK (if that even existed) were to publish an article that made statements like this, there would be an uproar and the person would be run out of office and run out of town. How about you quit supporting an enormous double standard? That would be nice.
POP CULTURE
Stephen Messer is a senior in religious studies from Leavenworth.
Is the baby Bieber's?
Yesterday, 20-year-old Mariah Yeater dropped her lawsuit against Justin Bieber for fathering her child, but that doesn't mean the baby drama is over. Justin still plans to prove her wrong and take a paternity test. But could Biebs really be the daddy?
Justin Bieber fathered that child. To s opposite is as ludicrous as Ludicris's verse in the already-pretty-ludicrous song entitled "Baby." The fame and affection J.B. receives has done the supernaturally impossible. With the little help of some conveniently non-fatal radioactive hairgel it has created a gigantic super phantom determined to spread Bieber's infinite swag to the world. This monstrous ghoul wants to make sure it Amelia-Bedelas the shit out of the word swag — this is stuff we'll all get.
The Biebs has transcended his puny human body and is now an unstoppable phantom bent on making every girl its baby and a baby. Don't worry. It's all consensual. What girl ever says "never" to Biebsy Boy? This phantom is fueled by millions of sad people's tweets begging the Biebfactor 5,000 to follow them back or even just acknowledge their existence. J-Biebz cares a lot about his fans. So much so that he is bending the laws of time; physics and the morals of his father to please every fan.
Yes, it is something straight out of an episode of "The X-Files." No, I have not been watching too much of that particular show lately. I suggest we find the phantom's weakness before it figures out how to find people's real-life addresses from their Twitter handle. Because if that happens we will soon cease to be a race of humans. We will become a race of Biebans.
Chance Carmichael is a junior in film and media studies from Muvane.
When most of us think about Justin Bieber, we think of a teen heartthrob with whom our little sisters are obsessed; just some skinny kid with a high-pitched voice and good hair.
In all honesty, Bieber is the last A-list celebrity who I would think to be capable of fathering a child. He's scrawny, baby-faced, and presumably
I'm not talking about the kind of infertility induced by some sort of testicular trauma. I just don't really think the kid's gone through puberty, I know most of you are saying, "He's 17; of course he's gone through puberty!" Well, he was only 16 years old when the child-in-question was conceived, and late bloomers happen sometimes. If you can listen to "Baby" and tell me you think his voice has even started changing, more power to you.
We also need to consider that this girl initially accused an ex-boyfriend of fathering the child before turning to Bieber. It's easy to see that she simply wants to cause a media stir to get some attention for herself. What she probably didn't realize is that Bieber can counter-sue her for public humiliation, and she'll be completely screwed. Unfortunately for her, she's probably come too far to drop the accusation.
The bottom line is that when Bieber takes a paternity test and proves not to be the father, his accuser will almost certainly be maudled by hundreds of rabid Bieber fans. As awful as this may be, I wouldn't be surprised to find out that there's been a Justin Bieber look alike wandering around after his shows and deflowering his shallowly obsessed fans.
Ethan Loveil is a sophomore in creative writing from Overland Park.
CHIRPS BACK
mattmeister87
@UDK Opinion and shouts at the bartender "I Banged your mother!" and the bartender replies "Go home dad"
KG Steez
@UDK_Opinion A Dyslexic Man Walks into a bra ...
@UOK. Opinion and walks out because there's too many freshmen. #truth
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