WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2011
Here's an idea, fire Turner and hire Tressel. We can get him for a discount, and he can actually win.
I forgot how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.
FREE FOR ALL
Text your FFA submissions to
785-289-8351
Do the crosswords get harder throughout the week like the sudoku does? Mondays I feel like a genius; by Fridays I feel like a sorority girl.
If half the class failed, you're probably a bad teacher.
Thank you hot girl in the white T-shirt while it rains, I get to walk around campus with a boner.
Batman has the best super power-money.
There are going to be so many walking zombie men on campus this week. Boys and their games, woff
You bet your ass I'm not going to class for a week. MODERN WARFARE 3.
Vaginas for using umbrellas? You're the one getting wet. I believe that makes YOU the vagina.
No. Guys with umbrellas are guys that get to walk around with beautiful girls without umbrellas.
I thought a joint was on the front of the Kansan. I bet more people than usual picked it up.
Dear girl trying to seduce me with the sucker while camping,it's working
The squirrel article was funnier than all the FFs combined.
Editor's note: Ethan Lovell is a pretty awesome columnist, and I only have so much to work with.
TEXT IN FREE FOR ALLS
Apogee's servers are only the latest, fastest, highest quality potatoes.
To the guy that bumped into me while reading the FFA, you're cute. Let's bump into each other again.
Let OccupyAFH begin!
Standing in the rain Umbrella turns inside out Cannot catch a bus.
My new favorite game: Ninjawalk behind people with umbrellas to each class.
I have 100 percent cotton sheets and bitches seem to love them. I don't know why you have to buy silk ones.
Forecast dark for Penn State
The earthquakes are all fun and games until one hits Yellowstone.
SCANDAL
The forecast for this weekend is sunny here in Lawrence, but I like the pounding rain of the last few days. Rain is cleansing. It washes away the dirt that coats our streets and makes the fallen leaves around us look shiny and new.
The forecast is rain in University Park, Penn., tonight. For Joe Paterno, Jerry Sandusky and the Penn State University athletic department, this could be an opportunity to finally come clean. The pending allegations against Jerry Sandusky, a former Penn State defensive coordinator, are atrocious to say the least. My
Girls, I get that you want to show off your butt in those tight pants. But stop making it look like your butt cheeks are eating your pants
shower looks different to me now. The events that occurred in that locker room are nothing less than horrible; however, the lack of action by the Penn State athletic department and Joe Paterno are even more despicable.
By Ben Wilinsky editor@kansan.com
The winningest coach in college football history, 84-year-old Joe Paterno, turns a blind eye to the sexual abuse of innocent boys in his locker room. Surprised? Oddly enough, I am not.
I am not surprised that the
initial witness stayed quiet for so long. I am not surprised that Joe Paterno did the absolute bare minimum and then kept quiet. And I am not surprised that nothing really happened until now. Why? Because the short term is easier than the long term, doing what's right is not easy, and because lying is a poisonous habit to break.
That awkward moment when you look in the bathroom mirror and make eye contact with the person in the stall behind you.
If Paterno had stepped forward at the onset, the ensuing storm would have been a category one versus the category five hurricane that looms off the coast of Pennsylvania right now.
Jayhawk Nation has had its fair share of scandals. Obviously rigged ticket sales and Mangino's "abuse" are only light drizzle in comparison to this Nittany Lion monstrosity. Nonetheless it's important to ask the tough questions. Are we invulnerable to this spiral of silence? In the midst of a scandal, would Bill Self, our leader and the face of the University, do the right thing or would he rest on his laurels and reputation? I would like to think that we are a campus of high character and a program of elite ethics and that he would do the right thing. But I'll bet they thought the same at
Now think about our campus.
Penn State. What we can learn from this sorry state of affairs at Penn State? That the cover-up is always worse than the crime, that reputation is all we have and that authenticity is crucial to one's ability to ride out the storm. Let's hope for the sake of college athletics and this age-old program out East that someone in Pennsylvania has an umbrella. Because lately for top college officials, when it rains, it pours.
Ben Wilinsky is a senior from Overland Park.
LIFESTYLE
The epic fail of language
When did Vinny and Pauly D replace Webster and Roget? Popular words and phrases always change from decade to decade and generation to generation. In recent years, however, our generation has contributed to the degradation of the English language. There is a growing push to have more Americans become bilingual, but how can we be expected to do that when we can barely master spoken English?
Instead of expanding our vocabularies and aiming for eloquence, our verbal skills are focused on being hip and slovenly. We may no longer use "sit on it," "necking" or "daddy-o," but the slew of recent hip terms that have arisen in the past few years would make the script of "Clueless" sound like a Thoreau poem.
Bro, broski or brah — If we cross paths out on the town and I do not know you, this is not an acceptable form of introduction; this rule also applies to dude or chief. When I go to Hy-Vee and ask for help, I expect to find a helpful smile in every aisle, not somebody directing me where to go followed by the term "dawt."
Awesome or sick — At some point in time, these became the only two adjectives used to describe anything. Everything you saw, did or accomplished was not sick or awesome. At least awesome was meant to be used in a positive light, but when did something being "sick" signify glory?
By Darrin Cline
Iowa State Daily
Iowa State University
via UWIRE
Face palm, fail, epic fail — Perhaps the slang for which I
have the most personal contempt, this collection of terms has become so ubiquitous among young adults outsiders would think all we do is fail. Obama's stimulus plan may have been an epic fail, but an attempt to ride a laundry basket down a set of stairs hardly qualifies as epic in any sense.
TXT speak — It is acceptable on Facebook, Twitter and in a text message, not during a conversation. A prime example of our current level of laziness, speaking with text abbreviations is an insult to the expanse that is the English language. Is it that much harder to use the full words instead of LOL, IDK or TTYL?
Movie quotes — Who doesn't love "Napoleon Dynamite." "Anchorman" or the Hangover movies? They are comedy staples and some of the funniest films of our era Nonetheless, no matter how funny Will Ferrell or Zach Galifanakis may be, every one-liner they delivered has a shelf life.
Like, um, like — The epitome of squalid verbal talent. Not like in the sense of a Facebook status, but like in the sense of every other word of an unprepared class presentation where like, every, like, other word, like comes out minced between likes. Everybody hears it, everybody
hates it, yet no one makes an effort to stop it.
Words are beautiful things. They can make us stop and think or motivate us to action. They evoke emotion or anger. Words and language evolve and grow so that we may better ourselves, not so we can relegate them.
Unfortunately, our vernacular gives a representation of the time. In 2001, Merriam-Webster added "bromance" and "tweet" to their official collection, along with the pop culture definition of a "cougar".
While many remember dictionaries as a reference for expanding vocabularies, their basis for inclusion is usage. Thus, the eroding quality and simplicity of commonly used words has forced the utmost authorities in language to select these putrid terms.
The president of Webster's even called "fist bump" as the "champion of the group". This coming from the company that previously honored respectable terms such as admonish and insipid among its words of the year. How many times has quixotic or quagmire been used in daily speech by a college? student?
Slag terms come and go. Some terms are inescapable, and it is difficult to not let a few slip. They may be popular, but does not mean they are fashionable. Take pride in eloquence and use originality in speech.
Ask Liz: Advice for life
By Liz Stephens
lstephens@kansan.com
I think I might be dating a drug dealer. What should I do? From: frankywoo
First, get the facts before you make any decisions. I'm not sure what tipped you off in the first place to his entrepreneurial ventures, but maybe you should bring it to his attention that you're confused about his lifestyle. If you feel uncomfortable about saying anything, that hints already of a shaky relationship.
Two things may happen: he deals drugs or he just likes to do drugs. In either case, you need to determine if you're comfortable with these things or if he's better off with someone else.
This guy may be someone really special. Maybe you can overlook his wayward lifestyle and accept him apart from his job. That's cool, but be aware that doing and selling drugs are illegal. If you aren't going to dump him, I advise you to keep your body healthy and don't participate in any medicinal recreation. Avoid going on runs or errands with
Need some advice? Email Liz at
lstephens@kansan.com to help solve
anything from dating dilemmas to
roommate troubles.
him. Don't touch the stuff. It's important to note that if you get involved with this guy you could be caught up in police business down the line.
If you aren't into the idea of staying with this guy, break it off as you would in any other situation. Do it in person. Don't give excuses or lie. Let him know that you respect him and enjoyed the time you had with him. Then don't call him again even if you need a "favor."
I'm broke and I want to keep the romance alive with my girlfriend. Can you give me some date ideas that are cheap?
Boy, can I. In order of best idea to worst idea: make out, pillow fight, kiss, hold hands, go on a walk, bake bread together, rake, watercolor paint, mend buttons, fist fight, have an eating contest.
CARTOON
Stephens is a senior in English from Dodge City.
SOMETHING IS UPSIDEDOWN
Nick Sambaluk
CAMPUS CHIRPS BACK
If you could fly to anywhere in the world right now where would you go and why? Follow us on Twitter @JDK_Opinion. Tweet us your opinions, and we just might publish them.
agdetmering
@UDK Opinion The exosphere. I was going to say outer space, but that's not "in the world" so our outer atmospheric limit will have to do.
Zhareefer
@UDK. Debion The Netherlands, that's where my parents currently are... for now, they're as elusive as Waldo and Carmen Sandiego
Jason_Fried
@UUK Opinion NYC so I could actually use these Champions Classic tickets I won to see KU vs. Kentucky
mirandalw
©UBD Jujah Middle Earth. I'd like some
Elijah Wood in my life right now. #thface
Harrison_Drake
Harrison_Drake
@UDK_Opinion Africa...it's as amazing as the Lion King proposes it is, right? #squashbanana #squashbanana
brett cr
@UDK_Opinion I would fly to Memphis TN and drive to luka, MS. Some of the most beautiful scenery I know of. Especially in the fall.
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