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Thursday, November 3, 2011
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KANSAS 92 EMPORIA STATE 61
Digital Deception
FEATURE
Simple lies that manage our social interactions
KATIE JAMES]
It's nine o'clock on a Thursday and you're cozied up on the couch watching Jersey Shore when you receive a text from a friend saying, "Let's go to the bars! It could be fun, but what you really want to do is watch and see if Sammi and Ronnie are going to fight. How do you respond? You don't want to be judged for watching Jersey Shore. You also don't want to tell your friend you don't want to spend time with her. So you reply, "I have too much homework."
Technology makes it much easier for us to be connected at all times and in any location. This connectivity also means that we are more likely to have a conversation while we are on the go. "When using a text it's a lot easier to lie because you don't have to see the other person, you're just typing it in. If you've never met the person you're talking to technology can actually make it worse, their entire identity could be a lie," says Rob Dobrenski, psychologist and author of Crazy: Notes On and Off the Couch. Making sure we feel comfortable in a situation can be another reason to use a lie. "It is easier to lie in certain situations because we are designed to look out for ourselves first, and then the people around us," he says.
A 2010 study conducted at Cornell University in New York titled "On my way: Deceptive Texting and Interpersonal Awareness Narratives," classifies an excuse like the one above as a butler lie. A butler lie is told to manage the entry or exit of a social interaction without seeming rude or disinterested in the conversation. The term refers to the social buffering role that butlers once played for their employers, such as telling a visitor that their employer was not there, when the employer simply didn't want to see the visitor.
According to the study, butler lies have three main uses, all based on the fact that the person on the other end of the phone can't see exactly what you are doing. A common use of a butter lie deals with time; the sender never knows what the recipient of the message is doing at the present time, or what they will be doing in the future. These include things like "Sorry, I just got your text," or "I might go later, I'm not sure though," when the recipient actually got your text hours ago, or knows he or she has no intention of meeting later.
A second use for a butler lie plays upon the fact that the recipient is unsure of the sender's current availability to talk. These are most often used to delay a conversation, for example, "I'm eating right now, and can I call you later?"
The third, most common type of butler lies relies on location. These are used to excuse lateness, such as, "I'm on my way," when you actually haven't left.
The Cornell study found that the senders of butler lies used deception to make up believable stories about their activities and availability. People rarely just said they were busy; they also gave a reason for not being able to meet or interact. But if you tell a lot of lies people may start changing their opinions of you. "Once it happens enough you can be branded a liar, and that brand really doesn't go away. People will start making attributions to your character, and see you as untrustworthy," Dobrenski says.
conversation to using a text leads people to not feel guilty about bending the truth. This makes butler lies more common. Fear of coming off rude or mean to others often leads people to hide their true feelings about a situation. "I feel guilty about not telling the truth sometimes, but if it's an activity I really don't want to do, I don't feel bad about lying to get out of it," says Sarah*, a freshman from Wichita, who admits to using butler lies once in a while to get out of things. Texting allows you to avoid a confrontation in person, which lessens feelings of guilt. You aren't directly faced with the expression on the other person's face when you decline an invitation or tell them you've changed your mind about wanting to do something.
The feeling of separation from in-person
But though you might not feel bad about deceiving people, little lies still have an effect on the people they're told to. "Any secret, even a simple one can damage trust when it comes out. Without face-to-face confrontation, the liar feels much safer, less likely to be caught, and less likely to suffer if caught," says Tina B. Tessina, a psychotherapist, and author of Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. It may be easier to get away with since the recipient can't tell what you're really doing, but it may come back around to harm you in the future. "Whether or not you will get caught is not the most mature way to evaluate behavior, but people often do it that way," Tessina says.
Once trust has been broken, it can be a hard thing to earn back. "I have a friend who constantly exaggerates things to the point where I can't tell what is the truth and what is a lie. He'll talk about how he goes to "epic" parties, but he doesn't actually go, and he never invites us to go with him," says Christian Busch, a senior from Sabetha. Lies cause the person on the receiving end to question your intentions, and if they want to interact with you. "If I find out someone has lied to me, it's hard for me to always believe them 100 percent. I usually think
back to that time and can't trust them fully," Busch says.
Figuring out what is the truth and what is a lie can be exhausting and can put a strain on friendships, as was the case for Mitchell Montgomery, a senior from Topeka, and his roommate. "There have been times my roommate would tell me he had to do homework to get out of spending time with the guys, but he would actually go hang out with his girlfriend at the time," he says. "It was really frustrating because I knew pretty much any time we asked him to do something with us and he had an excuse, it was usually a lie," Montgomery says.
Of course everyone bends the truth a little at some time or another, particularly if they aren't talking in person. "If someone asks me to do something and I don't want do to it I'll make something else up and tell them I have to do that," says Maddie Wolf, a freshman from Overland Park. "LOL is the biggest texting lie ever. No one is ever actually laughing out loud."
More often than not the recipient of a butter lie would rather just know the truth, even if it were something disappointing, like when you have other plans, "We laugh about it now because he realized he did want to spend more time with us, but I used to call him out on it and he would feel guilty about lying to us," Montgomery says.
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Fortunat
Sheanon Zenger didn't hire Gill. I doubt he feels any loyalty to the hire and probably wants to find his one guy for the job. And as a former assistant under Bill Snyder at Kansas State, Zenger knows football. In his search for a new head coach at Illinois State as athletic director there, Zenger once told a central Illinois newspaper that he consulted a number of former colleagues while searching for a head coach. That included the aforementioned Snyder, Mark Mangino, and former Texas Tech head coach Mike Leach. That's an impressive group of football minds to get advice from. Zenger knows what he's doing, and if he can somehow get out of that horrendous contract handed out by his predecessor, Kansas football will be in good shape.
Edited by Lindsey Deiter
in the penalty kick round as they defeated Kansas 5-3 at Blossom Soccer Stadium in San Antonio last night. At the end of regulation the score was tied at 3-3.
Attempting to stay poised in a stressful situation like this is key for the Jayhawks.
Kansas coach Mark Francis said it was frustrating for the match to come down to penalty kicks because the team should have won the game when they had a 2-0 advantage.
"I think you just have to keep it together and when something like that happens you need to be confident," junior midfielder Whitney Berry said.
Kansas forward Ingrid Vidal was stopped in the fourth round of penalty kicks, putting the game out of reach. However, many factors led to the result coming down to penalty kicks.
The layhawks eventually were down 3-2, but when all hope seemed lost, the Jayhawks made one final charge before time
After several solid attempts, junior forward Whitney Berry finally broke through with a goal in the 35th minute, giving Kansas a 1-0 lead. The strike was her eighth of the season. The assist on the play was from junior midfielder Shelby Williams.
Kansas was the aggressor for most the first half, pushing the tempo on Texas A&M.
The Jayhawks continued to put out an aggressive defensive effort, only allowing six shots and one goal shot for the Aggies in the first half.
The Aggies came out in the second half with a purpose, and eventually drew a hand ball in the box when it accidently hit a Jayhawk defender's hand.
Kelley Monogue, a freshman from Texas A&M, then lined up for the penalty kick and striped a ball into the right corner of the goal. However, Kansas freshman goalkeeper Kaitlyn Stroud grasped the ball before it could touch the end line.
TRAVIS YOUNG/KANSAN FILE PHOTO
In the 75th minute, Texas A&M tacked on another goal when Annie Kunz found a ball near the net, tying the game.
"They scored three really good goals," Francis said. "They'd been attacking us out wide all day and we did a great job defending it, but we didn't on those three occasions."
The first came in the 74th minute when Allie Bailey completed a cross to Merritt Mathias, putting the Aggies on the scoreboard.
The Aggies then went on and scored for the third time when Big 12 scoring leader Monogue made a goal in the 79th minute.
goals of their own in less than five minutes.
Freshman defender Caroline Van Slambrouck covers her face in disappointment after a foul against Missouri that would lead to a penalty kick. Last night, the Jayhawks lost the game to penalty kicks in the final moments.
In the second half the wind also began to blow violently against the Jayhawks, but the team realized that was nothing they could control.
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Francis said it was a little factor that allowed the Aggies keep the pressure on the Jayhawks end of the soccer field.
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Now the Jayhawks hope the effort on Wednesday will be good enough for them to get an at-large bid in the NCAA Tournament.
"I think we just try to keep our heads up," Kastor said. "This team
deserves to go to the NCAA. I'm hoping we're going to keep playing."
Edited by Sarah McCabe
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