THURSDAY OCTOBER 13,201
PAGE 5
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Forget the recession and all of the bailouts, the real jobs killer is pancreatic cancer! Too soon?
To the girls who aren't model skinny,
you are still beautiful.
Sorry dude with the trench coat and tinted glasses, I'm going to automatically judge you every time I see you.
God blessed me extra when I sneezed on the person wearing a Broncos shirt. This is Chiefs country.
Stop complaining. Go occupy a job or a classroom so you can get on our level and leave us alone.
To the cop that pulled me over, cyclists are not pedestrians, and you made an illegal U-turn so you could pull me over. Remember, you have a badge, not a crown.
KU Quidditch won the Midwest Cup! Going to be ranked in the top 10 in the world without coaching from Bill Self. Accomplishment? I think so!
OSU won't score 70 points against KU in basketball.
kicked apple from mer who and
Why is it that when people use public restrooms, they remember to bring a knife with them but not to flush the toilet?
TEXT IN FREE FOR ALLS
Seriously, why do all of the KU women have super long nasty fingernails? Clip those raptor claws!
Since when is a little morning drizzle reason enough to wear rain boots to campus at noon?
I had sex with a Wildcat. This is something I can never tell anyone.
The awkward moment when all of the FFAs start with "That awkward moment."
Guys wearing cutoffs to class, NO ONE'S IMPRESSED! Put on a shirt.
People who ride bikes with no hands look so awkward that I begin to feel awkward just by looking at them.
How to catch the Academy's eye
MOVIES
Walk-on tryouts are on my birthday.
Come on Bill, give this 5-foot-9 slow
slow guy a shot!
I only need two things in life: coffee and men. And alcohol, definitely alcohol.
Do frat boys have a dress code every day, or do you just raid each other's closets?
Just screamed in delight at seeing the unicycle guy, and he heard me. Akward.
To the freshman girl who just got rocked by the bus door, that's what you get for trying to sneak on the back.
I thought your voice was annoying from across the room, but then you sat behind me. Now I want to cut my ears off.
Ten million degrees in mid-October.
I guess Al Gore was right.
The fall movie season is upon us, showering us with films that try to strike that perfect balance between popular and Oscar worthy.
To the girl with the amazing ass and tights, you are the reason I walked back to the dorms today.
Some films look good but lack the pretension to be noticed by the Academy, like "The Muppets." Some films look like they're trying way too hard to win, like "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close." Some films look like they could not care less what a bunch of old men at the Academy think, like "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo."
I love watching awkward goodbyes between couples.
If there are any filmmakers looking to make a splash, I have four sure-fire and, dare I say, brilliant scripts ready for development.
completely off the wall. As the villain injects a deadly poison into our hero's veins, a chenchmen busts in and shouts, "You fool, it's opposite day! That poison you injected just made him invincible!"
OPPOSITE DAY
This is a standard action movie until halfway through. Then it goes
Now indestructible, the hero goes around wailing on bad guys, but because it is still opposite day, his attempts to kill people actually save their lives and his attempts to save people them killed. Also,
it might have to be called "Not Oppose Day" because you can't say it's opposite day on oppose day. As Albert Einstein once said, "Oppose day is confusing."
ATTACK OF THE WEREHUMAN
This is a standard werewolf movie, but with the roles reversed. Instead of a human being bitten by a werewolf, a wolf is bitten by a werehuman. Every full moon, the wolf transforms into a fully grown adult human wearing a T-shirt and jeans and instead of killing people like a werewolf, they buy groceries and do their taxes. As a bonus, if it gets made within the next couple of weeks, it can be out in time for Halloween!
REEL STEAL
REEL STEAL The film "Real Steel" was
released earlier this month. That film was about robots fighting each other or something. My film "Reel Steal", however, is about a group of criminals pulling the largest movie reel heist in history. They can even steal movies about people stealing things for that extra-level meta-theater stuff people love. And because filmmakers love movies about movies, the Oscar is pretty much in the bag with this one.
open with the entire Earth being destroyed by an asteroid, only to reveal it is just the dream of a young man. He wakes up and rushes to a NASA observatory to warn them about their approaching doom, giving humanity time to send a rocket to destroy the asteroid. Then death begins hunting down those who were saved, but instead of a small group of attractive young people, it's literally everyone on the planet.
The "Final Destination" movies follow a pretty basic plot: Someone has a vision of themselves dying in some horrible, convoluted accident but, thanks to their premonition, they are able to save everyone. However, the circle of life must be maintained and death hunts them down one by one. My film would
THE FINAL FINAL DESTINATION
So that's my pitch. I'm not saying those are the four best ideas anyone has ever come up with, but, if you ask me, those are the four best ideas anyone has ever come up with.
Schumaker is a senior in Film and Media Studies from Overland Park
TELEVISION
Don't hold comment against Williams
JOHN RAOUX/ASSOCIATED PRESS
Hank Williams Jr. performs during the recording of a promo for ESPN's broadcasts of "Monday Night Football" in Winter Park, Fla., in July. The country singer and ESPN each took credit for the decision to no longer use his classic intro to "Monday Night Football."
SHOWER POWERS
Editor's note: this editorial cartoon was misprinted in yesterday's Kansan
Sean Powers
CAMPUS CHIRPS BACK
As a country music singer for decades, you can all but guarantee that Hank Williams Jr. has a pretty strong set of traditional values. Why else would an artist name one of his songs "If the South Would Have Won?" Mentioning everything he would do had the South won the Civil War, Williams says
Where was Hank Williams Jr. during the opening of Monday Night Football? Well, I certainly know where he wasn't. After opening Monday Night Football with "All My Rowdy Friends are Coming Over Tonight" for as long as I can remember, Williams was ousted by ESPN and Disney because of comments he made comparing Obama to Hitler on none other than "Fox & Friends."
Now, it is pretty easy to see how such uproar would result from the comparison, especially since the comparison was made on the Fox network. Everyone took their opportunity to jump all over Williams for his ignorance, but can we really blame him?
Hold it. He didn't compare Obama to anybody. He simply compared the golf pairing of President Obama and House Speaker Rep. John Boehner to another pairing of historically conflicting figures. Those figures just happened to be Adolf Hitler and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. He was simply trying to say that you would not see the two golfing together. Don't hold that against Hank, though. Hitler is probably one of about five political names that he knows. Perhaps he should have used the comparison of "a dog and a cat eating out of the same bowl." More Fox viewers would have understood it.
Gormley is a senior in political science and social psychology. Follow him on Twitter @jigormley.
Hank Williams Jr. decided that a retaliation song would suffice in showing America how pissed off he really is. After calling the U.S. the "United Socialist States of America," he sings "I'll keep my Christian name and y'all can keep the change." First of all, I have a hard time believing that somebody singing about horseshoes and whiskey for about half a century can even describe socialism to another person. Secondly, I had no idea that it was Christian to wish that slavery was still around. I can't quite understand why he takes shots at Obama and the U.S. in the new song, though, since it was Disney and ESPN who gave him the boot. It is probably the President's fault that Williams got fired, though. Obama probably runs Disney, right?
hed be running for President and declaring the day Elvis died as a national holiday. As if the abolition of slavery were not enough for me to be satisfied with the North, I now find Ulysses S. Grant to be a hero. Without even knowing it, he kept Hank Williams Jr. from running the country. What a great man.
idmoreland
@UDK. Opinion That point at about 4am when you want to sleep sooobly, but u know if u do you'll just wake up even more tired
What's the worst part of pulling an all-nighter?
krebsse
Follow us on Twitter @UDK_Opinion
Tweet us your opinions, and we just
might publish them.
@UOK_Opinion looking like a bum in the morning and in need of some #StraightDanks
KG Steez
@UDK_Opinion When they are over! #allnighter #aminite
Is plagiarism ever excusable for professors or students?
the colby zone
@UOK- Opinion after years of English teachers harping on us that even the smallest bit of plagiarism (intended or not) is inexcusable? None.
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JohnJohnspage
@UDK_Opinion plagiarism is SO DOPE
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THE EDITORIAL BOARD
THE EDITORIAL BOARD
Members of the Kansan Editorial Board are Kelly Stroda, Joe Peterson, Jonathan Shorman, Vikas Shanker, Mandy Marten and Stefanie Penn.
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